Don'tgonearthe Castle

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This castle is the ancestral home of the de Magpyr vampire clan. Located in Überwald apparently near the town of Escrow, as that town is where Count de Magpyr and his clan become Vampyres until Bela de Magpyr puts an end to the nonsense.

It was named Don'tgonearthe Castle as local people would warn travellers "don't go near the castle" and the old Count liked the extra visitors who would turn up to see what the fuss was about.

If any stage coach should use the road near Don’tgonearthe Castle, its wheel would come off, leaving the passengers stranded with only the sound of wolves howling and the tempting sight of the castle. This enchantment would not inconvenience the vampires, as it only occurred if the count was not in the coach. While the old count liked visitors, and would indeed drink their blood, he played fair, and insisted that they be given a chance to defeat him. Thus, on his orders the castle was always well stocked with fresh garlic, stakes, holy water and large windows with drapes that could be pulled aside to let in the sunlight.

At one point in time, a de Magpyr had Bloody Stupid Johnson install a water-powered great organ here. It also comes with a resident Igor who takes his duties very seriously, and ensures that all the doors are creaky, the candles dribbly, and the dungeons dusty, and will even go as far as whipping the spiders into work when necessary so that the castle is full of cobwebs.

It appears in Carpe Jugulum, where Igor rebels against his master allows the witches Magrat and Nanny Ogg to take over the castle and use its well stocked arsenal of garlic, lemons, holy water and relics to turn the tables on the returning Vampyre clan.

The rule of the castle has now reverted to that of the old Count, who has promised to keep up the ‘old ways’ – he looks and acts like a monster, does not expect to be liked, only preys on those over a certain age and gives the villagers the opportunity to stake him.

Most of the Magpyr clan have their coffins in the castle and some have their own rooms, but it also contains the ancestral crypt of count Bela – one great tomb more lordly than all the rest, huge and nobly proportioned. Carved into it was but one word, ‘MAGPYR’ , just to hammer the point well and truly home.

The castle is also equipped with a mad-scientist lab complete with workbench connected to lightning rods on the roof, which is used by Igor to resurrect his beloved dog Scraps.