Woddeley's Occult Primer: Difference between revisions

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'''''Chapter Fifteen: Elementary [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications|Post-Mortem Communications]]''''' ("First, you need a realistic-looking skull mask from [[Boffo Novelty and Joke Shop|Boffo]]'s and a plausible chant"...)
'''''Chapter Fifteen: Elementary [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications|Post-Mortem Communications]]''''' ("First, you need a realistic-looking skull mask from [[Boffo Novelty and Joke Shop|Boffo]]'s and a plausible chant"...)


A probably-shorter imagining of this was written in [[Discworld MUD]]:


<pre>look thin book


This is a thin, useful-looking, cloth-bound book.  It looks well read, judging by the way the pages curl at the corners.
Just beneath the surface, you can make out what looks like a pair of closed eyes.
It appears to have something written on it.
It is closed.
read thin book
You read the cover of the thin book:
Woddeley's Occult Primer
open thin book
You open the thin book to page 1.
read thin book
You read page one of the thin book:
Contents of Woddeley's Occult Primer
I. Mental Methods:
Animating. . . . . . . . . . . . 2
Channeling . . . . . . . . . . . 3
Charming . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Convoking. . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Cursing. . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
II. Physickal Methods:
Binding. . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Brewing. . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Chanting . . . . . . . . . . . . 9
Dancing. . . . . . . . . . . . .10
Enchanting . . . . . . . . . . .11
Evoking. . . . . . . . . . . . .12
Healing. . . . . . . . . . . . .13
Scrying. . . . . . . . . . . . .14
III. Spiritual Methods:
Abjuring . . . . . . . . . . . .15
Banishing. . . . . . . . . . . .16
Conjuring. . . . . . . . . . . .17
Divining . . . . . . . . . . . .18
Summoning. . . . . . . . . . . .19
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page two of the thin book:
Animating:
  Animating involves giving a mind to somethyng
inanimate.  The clasfic ecksample ys the creation
of a golem; a more fafhionable ecksample ys the
making of a Brassica oleracea ambulata, the walking
cabbage.  Generally speaking, animating ys not too
arduous, since all thyngs yearn towards sentience,
but yt works beft with a object of suitable complecksity
to hold the mind.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page three of the thin book:
Channeling:
  Channeling ys the conveying of mental energy from
one place to another, ufually between minds.  The moft
bafic form would be the tranfferral of power from one
wyzard to another; the reverfe of thys, the sucking of
energy from one mind by a wyzard ys evil and, moreover,
dangerous, since yt attracts the attention of Thyngs.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page four of the open thin book:
Charming:
  Charming ys ufed to convince someone to do your
bydding.  Yt becomes more dyfficult to charm wyth
yncreafed mental ability of the target, although
choofing a target for whom the relevant action would
be yn character or conform with the target's beliefs
helps confiderably.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page five of the open thin book:
Convoking:
  Convoking draws together other minds, either to
magnify the power to be ufed yn a spell or merely
for a mental conference.  An ynterefting eckfample of
thys skyll may be found yn the spell "Kamikaze
Oryctolagus Flammula", one of the famous creature
spells of the fyre wyzard Frottjor.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page six of the thin book:
Cursing:
  Cursing ys the method ufed to affect the beliefs
and other attributes - though ufually belief ys
sufficient - of someone.  Thys tends to be the province
of wytches, whereas wyzards prefer being more direct.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page seven of the thin book:
Binding:
  Binding involves the attaching of a magickal
effect to an object.  Thys ys ufed, for inftance,
yn the manufacture of magickal weapons and armour:
a wyzard might bind an effect to allow better night
vifion ynto a helm or a better grip for climbing
ynto a pair of gloves.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page eight of the open thin book:
Brewing:
  Brewing ys another method that tends not to be
practifed by wyzards but ys moftly utilifed by wytches
and apothecaries.  Yt confifts of performing a magickal
reaction on a micksture of subftances - as oppofed to a
merely alchemical reaction - to obtain a magickal subftance
or potion.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page nine of the thin book:
Chanting:
  Chanting concerns the vocal afpects of spell cafting.
Often more important for the attainment of a mood or
feeling, yt can still have a profound occult effect on some
types of creature.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page ten of the open thin book:
Dancing:
  Dancing ys a method similar to chanting yn many
regards, confifting as yt does of the ufe of body-motion
afpects of spell cafting.  Many treatifes on wytchcraft
contain fafcinating accounts of rites involving thys
skill to which the interefted reader ys directed.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page eleven of the thin book:
Enchanting:
  Enchanting deals directly with the raw matter, so to
speak, of magick as yt ys the changing of the magickal
field of an object.  Except yn the prefence of a
sourceror, enchantment muft be conferved: for low power
spells, such as Brother Happalon's Elementary Enchanting,
the enchantment may be eckstracted from the naturally
occurring fluctuations yn the background, while more
powerful spells muft, yn esfence, tranffer enchantment
from one object to another.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page twelve of the thin book:
Evoking:
  Evoking means to draw forth the magickal properties
of an object.  A subtle method, yt ys important for
wyzards as yt ys the major diagnoftic skill yn probing
thyngs magickal.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page thirteen of the open thin book:
Healing:
  Healing by magick ys a tricky bufinesf, but when yt
works yt boofts the life force of a living thyng.
Yt ys generally better to rely upon potions or the
attentions of a prieft, yet those sufficiently skilled
may have enough control to ufe yt succesffully.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page fourteen of the thin book:
Scrying:
  Scrying ys a broadly applied method ufed to send a
wyzard's senfes to another place.  Often thys ys done
indirectly using crystal balls, mirrors, bowls of
water, Caroc cards, Ching-a-ling and a whole hoft of
techniques ending in -mancy.  Thefe methods are
generally preferred over sending the raw senfes where
there ys the danger of not coming back.
turn a page of thin book
To the northeast, the swede farmer yells in Morporkian: Buy your swedes from me!  Mine are the best!
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page fifteen of the open thin book:
Abjuring:
  Abjuring ys one of the moft important parts of
demonology, for those that care to get involved in such
thyngs, as yt forces a spirit to abftain from some
action, such as leaping out of the magick octogram and
devouring the wyzard.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page sixteen of the open thin book:
Banishing:
  Banishing ys usually ufed to end an encounter with
a spirit, sending yt back to yts normal place of dwelling.
Having control over the spirit ys a great asfet, as often
they prefer being here and don't want to go back.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page seventeen of the open thin book:
Conjuring:
  Conjuring - not to be confufed with the type of
magickal creation of thyngs - ys ufed to requeft a
spirit to perform some action, like abjuring but the
other way around.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page eighteen of the open thin book:
Divining:
  Divining ys the eckftraction of information from
a spirit.  A counterpart to scrying, yt has the
advantage of not putting your own senfes at ryfk, but
the difadvantage that most spirits are notorious
meaning twifters.
turn a page of thin book
You turn one page of the thin book.
read thin book
You read page nineteen of the thin book:
Summoning:
  Summoning ys the firft method ufed yn any spirit
meeting or demonological encounter, since yt ys
ufed to bring a spirit into a wyzard's prefence.
turn a page of thin book
You close the thin book.</pre>


[[Category:Discworld publications]]
[[Category:Discworld publications]]
[[de:Okkulte Fibel]]
[[de:Okkulte Fibel]]

Latest revision as of 04:46, 28 July 2018

The very first textbook acquired by any student wizard at the start of his first year at Unseen University. On a scale of potency, this is presumably at the very opposite end of the scale that things like the Necrotelicomnicon are at the far end of. Another beginners' book (albeit for slightly older and wiser students) is the Necrotelicomnicon Discussed for Students, with Practical Experiments.

In Jingo, we are given a glimpse of a Book Depository in the University from which an assassination attempt has (ostensibly) been made on a visiting foreign dignitary in a time of tense diplomatic confrontation. A background detail is stack upon stack of timeworn copies of Woddeley's, all of which are sorry, broken-spined, coverless, and much-abused by generations of students. Anything really potent would not have been published in such numbers, nor would they be disposed of so casually.

Certainly, when Angua picks up a dog-eared copy out of curiosity, and reads aloud from Chapter Fifteen: Elementary Necromancy ("First, you need a spade"...), she is unscathed, and totally untroubled by any of the things that might beset a non-wizard who tries to read from a really potent grimoire. There is no sign at all of her brain liquefying and trickling out of her ears, and her eyes totally fail to melt.

Woddeley's would therefore count as the ideal primer for fledgling wizards.

Indeed, in Moving Pictures, Victor Tugelbend and Ponder Stibbons are seen using the book for this very purpose as they cram for their final exams, taking in topics such as Yob Soddoth and The Infernal Star-Toad with A Million Young.

It is also very probable that in the latest edition, Chapter Fifteen has now been revised to take in the reality of changes in the nature of wizardry, as it moves away from the dribbly-candle into the bright new dawn of modern technomancy. The latest edition may read:

Chapter Fifteen: Elementary Post-Mortem Communications ("First, you need a realistic-looking skull mask from Boffo's and a plausible chant"...)

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