Feeney Upshot
| Chief Constable | |
 | |
| Name | Feeney Upshot |
| Race | Human |
| Age | approx 17 |
| Occupation | Chief Constable of the Shires Watch |
| Physical appearance | |
| Residence | Village near Ramkin Hall in the Shires |
| Death | |
| Parents | Mrs Upshot |
| Relatives | |
| Children | |
| Marital Status | Single |
| Appearances | |
| Books | Snuff |
| Cameos | Raising Steam |
Feeney Upshot is the sole watchmen of the Shires in the beginning of Snuff. His first appearance in the book is when he shows up to arrest Sam Vimes in connection of the suspected murder of Jethro Jefferson the blacksmith. Feeney is an awkward young man estimated to be about 17-years of age by Sam Vimes. He wears no formal uniform, has no helmet, and carries no warrant card. Both his father and grandfather were Constables in the Watch and he was given the inherited position and its truncheon inscribed with "LAW."
Feeney's grandfather had also spent time as a sailor, who brought back his grandmother Ming Chang from Bhangbhangduc. He learned a number of things from her including her native cuisine, for which she became locally famous, and martial arts. He taught Sam Vimes the move "He Up Down Very Sorry" by example. His grandfather helped him nurture his ability to "read people like books" by taking him around the area, introducing him to people, and telling him their stories. Because of this, he is able to make a very educated guess as to whether you are telling the truth or not and to have some insight into your character.
When he isn't acting in his official capacity as Chief Constable, he uses the lock up for his pigs, which explains its pervasive smell even through the disinfectant used to make it ready for Sam Vimes. His prize pig is a monstrous-looking boar he affectionately calls Masher, whose father was a wild boar that crept in from the woods and coupled with Masher's mother when she was in-season. Though Masher is clever and shows a doggish loyalty and obedience to his owner, he is regarded with considerable fear by the locals, and Chief Constable Upshot makes use of Masher in much the way a more urban watchman would make use of a particularly large, viciously loyal and intimidating dog. Few of the Shire's residents would think of arguing with the Chief Constable if the possibility of Masher slipping his chain is hanging in the air.
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