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Patrician's Palace

2013-03-07T21:15:56Z

Dromandkass: /* Some Divisions of City Government */

==The Office==
The Patrician's Palace is, of course, where the [[Patrician]] of [[Ankh-Morpork]] rules, or works. The Patrician may have his own office for working. He may conduct meetings with other city leaders (the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] and the [[Sto Plains|nobles]]). He may grant interviews on business matters. He may hold criminal trials. He may keep criminals in the dungeons. For the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], the most important activity is probably gathering information, both by reading reports and listening to people.

The Patrician's Palace also functions as a government, administration building. The [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] have to register with the Patrician's Palace. The Palace also does the payroll of city employees. Wages chitty of, for example, the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch]], gets signed by the Patrician, sent to the Watch to be signed by the senior officer, and then gets taken by Watchmen back up to the Palace to exchange for the actual money.

The Palace also serves as repository of all the intelligence that any spies employed by the city may have gathered. The Patrician also hears court cases and hands out judgments. Convicted criminals may be imprisoned in dungeons in the Palace, or executed by hangmen employed by the city. See also the articles on [[Ankh-Morpork]] and Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] for more details on the current running of the city.

==Some Divisions of City Government==
*[[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|City Watch]] - Commander Sir [[Samuel Vimes]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Post Office]] / "Royal Mail" - Post Master General [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Army|The Regiments]] - Commanded, when required, by [[Samuel Vimes|The Duke of Ankh]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Mint|Mint]] / "Royal Mint" - Master of the Mint - [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Clerks|The Civil Service]] - Chief Clerk [[Rufus Drumknott]]
*[[Tanty|Penal Service]] - The Warder
*The Diplomatic Service
*[[Taxmaster|Tax & Revenue Collection]] - Taxmaster [[Mr Creaser]]
*[[Bureau of Measures]]
*[[Triumphal Arch|Official Keeper of the Monuments]] - [[Scant|Mr Scant]]

Note: Lord Vetinari mentioned once that he employs some regiments (''[[Book:Going Postal|Going Postal]]''). However, these may be very few if they do exist, due to the deplorable state of city finances. When there had been real threats of warfare, each of the old noble houses raised its own family regiments, answerable, alas, only to the head of that Family. (see ''[[Book:Jingo|Jingo]]''). Considering that Vetinari himself is of an old and wealthy noble family, he probably does have his own regiment, though his rejection of warfare as a means to an end may indicate rare deployment.

==The Palace==
The Palace used to be the Royal Winter Palace for the old kings of [[Ankh (city)|Ankh]], because in the winter the notorious Ankh-Morpork smell is not so bad, and so it is bearable to actually stay in the city. There is no indication where the Summer Palace is or was.

Notable features of the Palace are:
*The dungeons (see ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''), most notably the scorpion pits. Once held [[Sam Vimes]] briefly and even [[Lord Vetinari]] himself. Contains several devices of punishment, many of which are considered cruel, and some that are quite unusual as well. The last King of Ankh-Morpork, [[Lorenzo the Kind]], as well as the several succeeding [[Patrician]]s have presumably made extensive use of these tools.
*The Gardens, designed by [[Bergholt Stuttley Johnson|"Bloody Stupid" Johnson]] many years ago. As indicative of his work in general, it boasts several interesting features. Examples include the exploding sundial, beehives that can house homing pigeons, and also the Hoho, which is like a [[wikipedia:Ha-Ha|haha]] but deeper. (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]], [[Book:Interesting Times|Interesting Times]]'').
*The Palace [[Menagerie]], a relict of previous Patricians, which houses an unspecified range of animal life. We know that the University Librarian sometimes hops over the wall at night, but what he does here is a mystery, as the Menagerie has been specifically stated not to house any orangs of either sex.
*The [[Oblong Office]], where the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], works. It is rumored that his bedroom is next door, but nobody can imagine Lord Vetinari ever wasting time with such mundane matters as ''sleeping''. The waiting room outside his office has a very interesting clock that ticks irregularly (tick,tock,tick,tick,tock), presumably this is intentional on Ventinari's part to distract and infuriate people before his meeting.
*The [[Rats Chamber]], has a fresco of dancing rats on the ceiling, rat wall paper, rat carpet, and so on, making people feel they need a wash after a few minutes (see ''[[Book:Feet of Clay|Feet of Clay]]''). This is used for meetings with the city leaders, the Guild Presidents and the heads of the Ankh-Morpork noble families. At the conclusion of ''Feet of Clay'', it is believed that Vimes buried an axe in the centre of the table which almost split the table in half. The axe remains there as a conversation piece.
*The [[Throne Room]], where the Golden Throne of Ankh still sits on top of a flight of stairs, in a very large room, waiting for the King to return (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Lord Vetinari sometimes works at a wooden desk at the foot of the stairs. Very few people know that the 'Golden Throne' is actually mostly rotting wood beneath a thin layer of gold foil. If any [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|future king]] were to ever sit on it, it would be quite an embarrassing scene.

[[Category:Locations]]
[[de:Patrizierpalast]]

Patrician's Palace

2013-03-07T21:06:48Z

Dromandkass: /* Some Divisions of City Government */

==The Office==
The Patrician's Palace is, of course, where the [[Patrician]] of [[Ankh-Morpork]] rules, or works. The Patrician may have his own office for working. He may conduct meetings with other city leaders (the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] and the [[Sto Plains|nobles]]). He may grant interviews on business matters. He may hold criminal trials. He may keep criminals in the dungeons. For the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], the most important activity is probably gathering information, both by reading reports and listening to people.

The Patrician's Palace also functions as a government, administration building. The [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] have to register with the Patrician's Palace. The Palace also does the payroll of city employees. Wages chitty of, for example, the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch]], gets signed by the Patrician, sent to the Watch to be signed by the senior officer, and then gets taken by Watchmen back up to the Palace to exchange for the actual money.

The Palace also serves as repository of all the intelligence that any spies employed by the city may have gathered. The Patrician also hears court cases and hands out judgments. Convicted criminals may be imprisoned in dungeons in the Palace, or executed by hangmen employed by the city. See also the articles on [[Ankh-Morpork]] and Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] for more details on the current running of the city.

==Some Divisions of City Government==
*[[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|City Watch]] - Commander Sir [[Samuel Vimes]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Post Office]] / "Royal Mail" - Post Master General [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Army|The Regiments]] - Commanded, when required by [[Samuel Vimes|The Duke of Ankh]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Mint|Mint]] / "Royal Mint" - Master of the Mint - [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Clerks|The Civil Service]] - Chief Clerk [[Rufus Drumknott]]
*[[Tanty|Penal Service]] - The Warder
*The Diplomatic Service
*[[Taxmaster|Tax & Revenue Collection]] - Taxmaster [[Mr Creaser]]
*[[Bureau of Measures]]
*Official Keeper of the Monuments - [[Scant|Mr Scant]]

Note: Lord Vetinari mentioned once that he employs some regiments (''[[Book:Going Postal|Going Postal]]''). However, these may be very few if they do exist, due to the deplorable state of city finances. When there had been real threats of warfare, each of the old noble houses raised its own family regiments, answerable, alas, only to the head of that Family. (see ''[[Book:Jingo|Jingo]]''). Considering that Vetinari himself is of an old and wealthy noble family, he probably does have his own regiment, though his rejection of warfare as a means to an end may indicate rare deployment.

==The Palace==
The Palace used to be the Royal Winter Palace for the old kings of [[Ankh (city)|Ankh]], because in the winter the notorious Ankh-Morpork smell is not so bad, and so it is bearable to actually stay in the city. There is no indication where the Summer Palace is or was.

Notable features of the Palace are:
*The dungeons (see ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''), most notably the scorpion pits. Once held [[Sam Vimes]] briefly and even [[Lord Vetinari]] himself. Contains several devices of punishment, many of which are considered cruel, and some that are quite unusual as well. The last King of Ankh-Morpork, [[Lorenzo the Kind]], as well as the several succeeding [[Patrician]]s have presumably made extensive use of these tools.
*The Gardens, designed by [[Bergholt Stuttley Johnson|"Bloody Stupid" Johnson]] many years ago. As indicative of his work in general, it boasts several interesting features. Examples include the exploding sundial, beehives that can house homing pigeons, and also the Hoho, which is like a [[wikipedia:Ha-Ha|haha]] but deeper. (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]], [[Book:Interesting Times|Interesting Times]]'').
*The Palace [[Menagerie]], a relict of previous Patricians, which houses an unspecified range of animal life. We know that the University Librarian sometimes hops over the wall at night, but what he does here is a mystery, as the Menagerie has been specifically stated not to house any orangs of either sex.
*The [[Oblong Office]], where the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], works. It is rumored that his bedroom is next door, but nobody can imagine Lord Vetinari ever wasting time with such mundane matters as ''sleeping''. The waiting room outside his office has a very interesting clock that ticks irregularly (tick,tock,tick,tick,tock), presumably this is intentional on Ventinari's part to distract and infuriate people before his meeting.
*The [[Rats Chamber]], has a fresco of dancing rats on the ceiling, rat wall paper, rat carpet, and so on, making people feel they need a wash after a few minutes (see ''[[Book:Feet of Clay|Feet of Clay]]''). This is used for meetings with the city leaders, the Guild Presidents and the heads of the Ankh-Morpork noble families. At the conclusion of ''Feet of Clay'', it is believed that Vimes buried an axe in the centre of the table which almost split the table in half. The axe remains there as a conversation piece.
*The [[Throne Room]], where the Golden Throne of Ankh still sits on top of a flight of stairs, in a very large room, waiting for the King to return (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Lord Vetinari sometimes works at a wooden desk at the foot of the stairs. Very few people know that the 'Golden Throne' is actually mostly rotting wood beneath a thin layer of gold foil. If any [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|future king]] were to ever sit on it, it would be quite an embarrassing scene.

[[Category:Locations]]
[[de:Patrizierpalast]]

Patrician's Palace

2013-03-06T00:36:36Z

Dromandkass: /* Some Divisions of City Government */

==The Office==
The Patrician's Palace is, of course, where the [[Patrician]] of [[Ankh-Morpork]] rules, or works. The Patrician may have his own office for working. He may conduct meetings with other city leaders (the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] and the [[Sto Plains|nobles]]). He may grant interviews on business matters. He may hold criminal trials. He may keep criminals in the dungeons. For the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], the most important activity is probably gathering information, both by reading reports and listening to people.

The Patrician's Palace also functions as a government, administration building. The [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork|Guilds]] have to register with the Patrician's Palace. The Palace also does the payroll of city employees. Wages chitty of, for example, the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch]], gets signed by the Patrician, sent to the Watch to be signed by the senior officer, and then gets taken by Watchmen back up to the Palace to exchange for the actual money.

The Palace also serves as repository of all the intelligence that any spies employed by the city may have gathered. The Patrician also hears court cases and hands out judgments. Convicted criminals may be imprisoned in dungeons in the Palace, or executed by hangmen employed by the city. See also the articles on [[Ankh-Morpork]] and Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] for more details on the current running of the city.

==Some Divisions of City Government==
*[[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|City Watch]] - Commander Sir [[Samuel Vimes]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Post Office]] / "Royal Mail" - Post Master General [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Army|The Regiments]]
*[[Ankh-Morpork Mint|Mint]] / "Royal Mint" - Master of the Mint - [[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Clerks|The Civil Service]] - Chief Clerk [[Rufus Drumknott]]
*[[Tanty|Penal Service]] - The Warder
*The Diplomatic Service
*[[Taxmaster|Tax & Revenue Collection]] - Taxmaster [[Mr Creaser]]

Note: Lord Vetinari mentioned once that he employs some regiments (''[[Book:Going Postal|Going Postal]]''). However, these may be very few if they do exist, due to the deplorable state of city finances. When there had been real threats of warfare, each of the old noble houses raised its own family regiments, answerable, alas, only to the head of that Family. (see ''[[Book:Jingo|Jingo]]''). Considering that Vetinari himself is of an old and wealthy noble family, he probably does have his own regiment, though his rejection of warfare as a means to an end may indicate rare deployment.

==The Palace==
The Palace used to be the Royal Winter Palace for the old kings of [[Ankh (city)|Ankh]], because in the winter the notorious Ankh-Morpork smell is not so bad, and so it is bearable to actually stay in the city. There is no indication where the Summer Palace is or was.

Notable features of the Palace are:
*The dungeons (see ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''), most notably the scorpion pits. Once held [[Sam Vimes]] briefly and even [[Lord Vetinari]] himself. Contains several devices of punishment, many of which are considered cruel, and some that are quite unusual as well. The last King of Ankh-Morpork, [[Lorenzo the Kind]], as well as the several succeeding [[Patrician]]s have presumably made extensive use of these tools.
*The Gardens, designed by [[Bergholt Stuttley Johnson|"Bloody Stupid" Johnson]] many years ago. As indicative of his work in general, it boasts several interesting features. Examples include the exploding sundial, beehives that can house homing pigeons, and also the Hoho, which is like a [[wikipedia:Ha-Ha|haha]] but deeper. (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]], [[Book:Interesting Times|Interesting Times]]'').
*The Palace [[Menagerie]], a relict of previous Patricians, which houses an unspecified range of animal life. We know that the University Librarian sometimes hops over the wall at night, but what he does here is a mystery, as the Menagerie has been specifically stated not to house any orangs of either sex.
*The [[Oblong Office]], where the current Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], works. It is rumored that his bedroom is next door, but nobody can imagine Lord Vetinari ever wasting time with such mundane matters as ''sleeping''. The waiting room outside his office has a very interesting clock that ticks irregularly (tick,tock,tick,tick,tock), presumably this is intentional on Ventinari's part to distract and infuriate people before his meeting.
*The [[Rats Chamber]], has a fresco of dancing rats on the ceiling, rat wall paper, rat carpet, and so on, making people feel they need a wash after a few minutes (see ''[[Book:Feet of Clay|Feet of Clay]]''). This is used for meetings with the city leaders, the Guild Presidents and the heads of the Ankh-Morpork noble families. At the conclusion of ''Feet of Clay'', it is believed that Vimes buried an axe in the centre of the table which almost split the table in half. The axe remains there as a conversation piece.
*The [[Throne Room]], where the Golden Throne of Ankh still sits on top of a flight of stairs, in a very large room, waiting for the King to return (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Lord Vetinari sometimes works at a wooden desk at the foot of the stairs. Very few people know that the 'Golden Throne' is actually mostly rotting wood beneath a thin layer of gold foil. If any [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|future king]] were to ever sit on it, it would be quite an embarrassing scene.

[[Category:Locations]]
[[de:Patrizierpalast]]

Bad Blintz

2013-03-05T23:38:32Z

Dromandkass:

A town in [[Überwald]] which, when [[Maurice]] and the Rat-Clan arrive there, already seemingly has a plague of [[Rats|rats]]. But things are not what they seem...
This town features in {{TAM}}, and according to Maurice, the name means "Bath Blintz", supposedly because they are proud they have a bath. It is run by a mayor, Mr Grim, and a town council. They have a small watch, consisting of just two officers. By the end of he story, there have been some changes to this arrangement...

== Annotation==

A ''blintz'', or ''blini'', is a potato pancake wrapped around a filling, possibly cream cheese and smoked fish. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blintz]. A bad one would be something you would remember for all the wrong reasons for some days afterwards.

{{stub}}
[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Bad Blintz]]

Malicia Grim

2013-03-05T23:34:54Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|photo= Malicia.png|Malicia, as drawn by [[User:TMOH|TMOH]]
|name= Malicia Grim
|age= indeterminate (child)
|race= [[Humans|Human]]
|occupation=
|appearance= Red hair, long nose, black dress
|residence=[[Bad Blintz]]
|death=
|parents= Mayor Grim, Father, Mother (deceased?)
|relatives= Agoniza Grim (Grandmother), Eviscera Grim (Great-Aunt)
|books= {{TAM}}
}}

Malicia Grim is a girl who appears exclusively in {{TAM}}. She lives in the small town of [[Bad Blintz]] with her father, The Mayor and tells the [[Keith the Piper|stupid-looking kid]] she has two step-sisters. She is obsessed with fairy tales and stories, trying to apply [[Narrativium]] to everything, and mentioning her famous lineage to anyone who will listen. She is also the kind of girl who asks ''questions''.
She rumbles [[Maurice]]'s scam fairly quickly, but goes on to help him, the [[rats|educated rodents]] and the stupid-looking kid.

The ''Sisters Grim'' (Agoniza and Eviscera) wrote fairly tales, just like [[Roundworld]]'s ''Brothers Grimm'' and were probably the authors of [[Grim Fairy Tales]] featured in {{TOT}}.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Grim, Malicia]]
[[Category:Supporting characters|Grim, Malicia]]
[[Category:Human characters|Grim, Malicia]]
[[Category:"The Amazing Maurice" characters|Grim, Malicia]]

Unseen University

2013-03-04T21:52:44Z

Dromandkass: /* Terms */

{{Building Data
|photo=UU01.png|coat of arms|100px|
|name= Unseen University
|location= [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|owner=
|apperance=
|residents= [[Wizards]]
|use= University
|built= 1282 AM ([[1 UC]])
|founded by= [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]]
|demolished=
|books= {{TCOM}} {{TLF}} {{ER}} {{M}} {{S}} {{E}} {{MP}} {{RM}} {{SM}} {{IT}} {{H}} {{TLC}} {{TT}} {{TOT}} {{GP}} {{UA}}
|notes= Motto: ''NVNC ID VIDES, NVNC NE VIDES'' (now you see it, now you don't)
}}

''"Unseen University, home of the greatest wizards on the Discworld. And one or two of the worst."''

The '''Unseen University''' (UU) is a school for [[Wizards|wizards]] located in [[Ankh-Morpork]]. It was founded in the year 1282 AM ([[1 UC]]) by [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]].

==The Place==
The Unseen University has gates of [[octiron]], and single-minded [[Bledlows]] to perform the Ceremony of the Keys every night. The University has an octagonal lawn, roses, other plants, and compost heaps tended by Mr. [[Modo]], the university's dwarf gardener. The buildings are of ancient stone, and contain many dark, winding corridors and small rooms, far more than the size of the grounds should allow. The unusual architecture of the building suggests that the top storeys and roof were built before the ground floors. Inside the University is the [[Great Hall]], where the Wizard's four main meals of the day are eaten. Also noteworthy are the hundreds of paintings and busts of former [[Archchancellor|Archchancellors]] that line the vestibule just outside the Great Hall. Other notable features are the [[Uncommon Room]], the staffroom of the Faculty (see below); the gymnasium (which is for students to practise spelling, not exercise, and - as such - is lined and protected ''very'' powerfully); the [[Emperor]] candle and the [[Tesseractical Floor|Tesseractical floor]].

The grounds are enclosed in brick walls, but there are some places where bricks can be removed to offer convenient footholds for young and reasonably athletic students to climb over. The more famous buildings are: The [[Tower of Art]], the [[Library]], and the [[High Energy Magic Building]].

[[Old Tom]] is the University's bell and it is made of octiron. Every hour this bell chimes heavy silences which render all sounds inaudible. Sometimes Old Tom also rings during incidents involving a massive amount of magic, making verbal communication very difficult during the emergency.

The [[Unreal Estate]] is an area outside of the University walls. The area used to be the University's dumpster, and the magic contamination has until recently made the ground unusable for any housing or farming. However, part of this area has since been developed into the [[Thaumatological Park]]. This serves two purposes: it earns money for the University by selling commercially useful by-products of research magic such as the [[Dis-organiser]], and it keeps young wizards trained by [[Ponder Stibbons]] usefully occupied after graduation, otherwise there's no telling what minds like those would find to do. As the area is still inherently dangerous, a ''really'' cynical senior wizard might reflect that it could even thin their numbers out a bit, which is no bad thing...

The University is unbelievably rich. This comes from the rents of [[Sator Square]], the [[Plaza of Broken Moons]], magical services throughout the city and the classrooms that are rented out for various uses. Much more recently there has been the money made from the Thaumatological Park. Additionally, the University doesn't spend much, on food especially. People donate food regularly to the place, on the basis that if there were a lot of daft old men living on enough magic to rip a hole in two realities near ''you'', you'd want them to be too full to move as well.

==The People==
For many centuries, the wizards in Unseen University vied for the top position, the Archchancellor. The wizards were also in eight orders, each wizard fighting for the higher positions in the order, and fighting off other orders. (For more on in-fighting of wizards, see also the article [[Wizard's magic]].) After the coming of Archchancellor Ridcully, the power structure stabilized because nobody is able to murder Ridcully. The fighting changed from magical and murderous to quarrels and minor insults between faculty members. Everybody is able to come down alive and have a big dinner in relative calm, (unless the Bursar is insane for the moment or there is major magical disturbance in the vicinity.) There are many, many faculty members who are wizards who specialize in particular studies, drawing no salary, living at the ends of obscure corridors, unknown and unseen by others except at meals or when the more important wizards require the specialized wizards for some reason. Few faculty members like to teach. They have virtual lectures in a classroom, ([[Room 3b]]) that does not exist, a happy arrangement mutually understood and respected by [[Faculty]] and [[students]] alike. The other lecture theatre specifically mentioned in the chronicles is [[Room 5b]], which has its own woes in that Space and Time have come adrift from each other, and a lecturer walking in might discover he's already there and has started taking a class twenty minutes previously. Genuine lectures do happen at the University and are generally well-attended: refer to {{ER}}, where [[Eskarina Smith]] clandestinely attends the lectures by hiding underneath the tiered benches, and watching from behind a line of pointy boots. Student wizards do have to pass an exam, with an 88% pass mark, to obtain a Bachelor's degree. After that, a wizard may leave and find work, or stay and do more researches for advanced degrees.

All alumni of the UU have the right to wear a bronze octogram which symbolises their attendance at the school.

The faculty members listed below are well-known simply because they appear more often to the public and are there when the Archchancellor calls for meetings. These faculty members are not known for their lectures or the importance of their subjects. A hot subject, if such it may be called, is any technomancy under Ponder Stibbons's supervision, but in fact, his students are not more single-minded than other research students, and his department does not draw particularly many more students than other departments. Still, Mr. Stibbons's labs in the High Energy Building are often helpful to the Archchancellor in these modern times.

===The Top Faculty===
[[image:UUFaculty.jpg|350px|thumb|Left to right: The Chair, The Dean, The Librarian, The Archchancellor, Runes, The Bursar, Ponder Stibbons, The Senior Wrangler and Rincew.... oh he's, er, gone.]]
*The [[Archchancellor]] ([[Mustrum Ridcully]]),
*The [[Bursar]] (A. A. Dinwiddie)
*The [[Dean]] (Henry Porter)
Note:As of ''Unseen Academicals'' "The Dean" is now Archchancellor of [[Brazeneck College]]
*The [[Senior Wrangler]] (Horace)
*The [[Chair of Indefinite Studies]]
*The [[Lecturer in Recent Runes]]
*The [[Librarian]], (an orangutan, previously Human Horace Worblehat)
*The Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic ([[Ponder Stibbons]])
*The [[Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography]] ([[Rincewind]])
*The [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications|Head of the Department of Post-Mortem Communications]] (Dr [[John Hicks]])

*[[Hex]], the University's thinking-engine, although nominally a campus resource, functions as a ''de facto'' member of the top faculty

===Other Members of the Teaching Staff (in alphabetical order)===
*The [[Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic]]
*The [[Dean of Liberal Studies]]
*The [[Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage]]
*The [[Lecturer in Applied Astrology]]
*The [[The Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy|Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy]]
*The [[Lecturer in Creative Uncertainty]]
*The [[Professor of Applied Anthropics]]
*The [[Professor of Astrology]]
*The [[Professor of Extreme Horticulture]]
*The [[Professor of Illiberal Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Logic]]
*The [[Posthumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Posthumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Prehumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Prehumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Professor of Natural Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding‎]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Phenomena]]
*The [[Professor of Slood Dynamics]]
*The [[The Professor of Virtual Anthropology|Professor of Virtual Anthropology]]
*The [[Reader in Woolly Thinking]]

===The Staff===
*[[Modo]], Gardener
*Mrs. [[Whitlow]], head of housekeeping
*The [[Bledlows]], the UU's policemen, nowadays basically the porters
**[[McAbre]], Head Bledlow
**[[Gelid]], Bledlow
**[[Alphonse Nobbs]] (no relation), Bledlow
**[[Frankly Ottomy]], Bledlow
*[[Glenda Sugarbean]], head of the [[Night Kitchen]]
*[[Juliet Stollop]], one of Ms Sugarbean's workers
* [[Ksandra]], hapless undermaid
*The [[Candle Knave]], Mr [[Natchbull Smeems|Smeems]]
*The [[Candle Dribbler|Candle Dribblers]] of [[The Vats|the Vats]]
*Mr. [[Downbody]], one of the servants in the [[Uncommon Room]]
*Mr [[Blunk]], the coal porter

===Former Faculty & Staff===
* [[Windle Poons]], wizard (deceased).
* [[Evans the Striped]], sports master (deceased).
*[[Brother Fingers]] once worked as an odd-job man at UU.
*[[Inspector Lewton]] briefly hired on as a dormitory bedmaker in [[Discworld Noir]], but only as a ruse to snoop around the campus.

===Former Archchancellors===
*[[Albert|Alberto Malich]] – founder
*Archchancellor [[Bewdley]] – according to his commemorative statue, disliked Ankh-Morpork intensely. According to {{TLC}}, a magical hole opened in his left boot.
*Archchancellor "Trouter" Hopkins – his actual preserved body is in the great hall, having put in his will that he wanted his body to be pickled in alcohol posthumously.
*Archchancellor William Badger – a very unpopular man, whose likeness is on the University's drain covers.
*Archchancellor [[Galder Weatherwax]] – Archchancellor in {{TLF}}
*Archchancellor [[Cutangle]] – Archchancellor in {{ER}}
*Archchancellor-Elect [[Virrid Wayzygoose]] – an ''almost''-Archchancellor who died before his own inaugural dinner in {{S}}
*Archchancellor [[Ezrolith Churn]] – Archchancellor in {{E}}
*Archchancellor [[Buckleby]] – Apparently locked himself in his own wardrobe. Mentioned in {{H}}
*Archchancellor [[Spode]] – mentioned in {{H}} and instituted a rule about locking doors
*Archchancellor [[Sloman]] – mentioned in "A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices"; discovered the Special Theory of Slood
*Archchancellor [[Bowell]] – left an unusual bequest and has a vestibule named after him (see below)

==The Orders of Wizardry==
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star]]
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle]]
*[[Brotherhood of the Hoodwink]]
*[[Brothers of the Order of Midnight]]
*[[Sages of the Unknown Shadow]]
*[[Venerable Council of Seers]]
*[[Mrs Widgery's Lodgers]]
*[[The Last Order]]

==Terms==
There are eight terms, each one is roughly one week long, to minimise the time that the professers must spend teaching. However, the students continue to live and study on their own for the remainder of the year. The terms are called:
*Octinity
*Rotation
*Backspindle
*Hogswatch
*Evelyn
*Micklemote
*Candlerent
*Soul Cakes

==Unseen University Degrees==
These are the UU courses in magic and related topics. UU also offers lesser degrees in medicine, law, geology and so on, but lecturers are required to have at least one magical degree from UU before they are allowed to teach.

The full list can be [[UU degrees|found here]].

==Customs and traditions==
===Beating the Bounds===
Also known as "plunkers", this ceremony takes place each year at dawn on the 22nd of Grune. The entire faculty walks along the original boundaries of the University, walking through or if necessary over any buildings in the way of the original march route. Any nearby citizens are hit with live ferrets, and any red-headed men (except for one [[Carrot|Captain Ironfoundersson]]) are given a "plunking". Upon return to the University, breakfast is served, in which duck must be present.

In our world the beating of the bounds of Oxford takes place every Ascension day (changes every year but it is either May or June).

===Boy Archchancellor===
Occurring at around [[Hogswatch]], a first year student is selected to be the Archchancellor for the day. He has the full powers of Archchancellorship, and there is many a tale of him performing all manner of jokes and pranks on the most senior wizards. Because his life expectancy following this will almost certainly be brief, the boy chosen is normally the University's most unpopular student.

This is similar to the idea of a boy bishop, which is present in our world.

===The Convivium===
The Degrees ceremony, in which the [[Archchancellor]], University Council, eighth level wizards, masters and doctors proceed from the University to the [[Opera House]]. They are led by the Commander of the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|Watch]], or if there isn't one, then by a man carrying a pot of mustard and a quill. Foreign dignitaries, city officials and nobles are also invited to this ceremony, and upon arrival at the Opera House, the [[Patrician]] will present the graduates with their degrees.

===Gaudy Night===
This appears to be a follow up of the Convivium, and the new graduates attend a feast in the Great Hall of the University, making an even greater effort than usual to be the best dressed. The winner is thrown into the river by the losers.

This is an celebration dinner at Oxford University, around which the novel ''Gaudy Night'' by Dorothy L. Sayers is based.

===Head of the River===
Because of the difficulty of rowing on the river, teams of eight wizards will carry the racing skiffs and run from the University boathouse to the Brass Bridge. The course is known as the "Bumps", and the winning team is awarded a "Brown" (a new pair of brown boots to replace the ones that will by now have been effectively disintegrated). They are now referred to as "Head of the River". One past winner of this race is the current Archchancellor, [[Mustrum Ridcully|Mustrum Ridcully the Brown]].

===May Morning===
Every May Day Dawn, the University choir sing from the top of the [[Tower of Art]] to the rest of the faculty, assembled below. Although the anthem cannot be heard, the Tower of Art being 800 feet high, the listeners still clap after five minutes, the length of time taken to sing the anthem.

===The Poor Scholars===
This harks back to the founding days of the University, when young, but poor men with magical talent were accepted into the universities. However, there was no accommodation space for them, so they lived in lean-tos against the walls of the [[Tower of Art]]. As a recognition of their determination, the faculty would throw food down to (or at) the poor scholars. Now, this ceremony takes place once a year, and the students gather in [[Sator Square]], where the faculty throw stale bread rolls at them as hard as they can.

===Rag week===
This is the entire backspindle term. On this week, the wizards are let loose on Ankh-Morpork. Activities include the Short Street Climb, in which the wizards climb sideways across the streets. Some fail to reach the end, and fall into the [[the Mended Drum]]. Another custom is tobogganing, in which the wizards go up to the Tower of Art on teatrays, and then toboggan back down. It must be noted that for this to happen, the involved students must have consumed a large amount of alcohol.

===Scrawn Money===
Also known as "Archchancellor Scrawn's bequest", this rather dated ceremony requires all those who live on University property to assemble in Sator Square, where they are given two pennies, a pair of socks, and a loaf of day-old bread each. They are then allowed to watch the wizards eat lunch.

==='Sity and Guilds===
Due to the rivalry induced violence between students of the various [[guilds]] and the university, it was decided to channel the rivalries into an annual sporting match, similar to football or rugby. The "playing field" was from [[The Shades]] to the Tower of Art. Goals are scored by kicking the ball through the door or window of a pub, and the scoring team had to get drinks bought by the other teams. Only one goal per pub was allowed due to the length of some games that had not benefited from this rule. It appears that the Unseen University has not participated in this for some time now.

===The Wizards' Excuse Me===
A large dance at the end of the Backspindle term, to which the city nobles are also invited. There are two bands and a giant buffet with three dozen kinds of meat.

=== Archchancellor [[Bowell]]'s Remembrance's bun and penny ===
An extant bequest pays for one small currant bun and one copper penny to be placed on a high stone shelf on one wall of this vestibule (circular hall) every second Wednesday. No one knows why this is done, or even why the vestibule is named [[Archchancellor Bowell's Remembrance]] ({{H}})

===The Hunting of the Megapode===
A veritable heyhoe-rumbledown as all fellows pursue the [[Megapode]] through the college buildings with much mirth and good spirits.

===Archchancellor Preserved Bigger's Bequest, or Poore Boys Funne===

The Bigger's Bequest is a very large fund. Monies from the interest on the fund cover approximately 78% of the college food bill. It does however carry conditions, in order for the UU to have access to these funds they must play [[Football]] at least once every twenty years.
Food is ''important'' to the modern wizard: the University appears to be regualted as tightly as any ship at sea by its [[Unseen University Mealtimes|mealtimes]], which happen at approximately two-hour intervals throughout the day and night, like the ship's bells that tell sailors what watch they're on. Therefore while there is much grumbling and reluctance, the vital necessity to play football is acknowledged in {{UA}}.

==Flora and Fauna==
The grounds are closed and heavily contaminated with magic, so a special ecosystem has evolved within Unseen University, with many wondrous creatures not found elsewhere, and many highly intelligent and civilized varieties of common house pests. These include:
*[[.303 Bookworm]] in the Library.
*Ants; some pull carts, some ride on beetles. One time, a clan of ants built a sugar pyramid for the mummy of a deceased queen (on the walls the true secret of longevity was inscribed, but it was lost when it was washed out).
*Bedbugs in Rincewind's mattress, smart enough to take the mattress with them when they feel they need to flee the University.
*Cockroaches; billions of them can march with their steps perfectly in time.
*[[Critters]] in the Library.
* Escaped demons in the cellar.
*Flying insects (including bees) who are not only capable of leaving a room by the window through which they entered, they can unerringly pick out a tiny hole in the glass no larger than a small coin, and enter and leave via this aperture.
*{{wp|Marmosets|Marmosets}} were planned to be used by a previous Archchancellor in order to communicate throughout the university (a piped system).
*[[Rats]] who seem to understand human speech. Some have moved to under the [[Patrician's Palace]] and sometimes serve the Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]].
*Owls - [[Book:The Ankh-Morpork Post Office Handbook & Diary 2007|The Ankh-Morpork Post Office Handbook & Diary]] notes that there are a large population of owls living in the upper attics of UU. The wizards did once try and use the owls are an internal postal-service to deliver the letters and memos. However these were very intelligent birds, and saw the letters an an easily obtainable source of nesting material. The letters had to be retrieved from owls and stamped 'defected on by owls' (although most people can see this when they get it).
*[[Quoth|Ravens]] talk and are very inquisitive, but not very bright.
*[[Swear-Words]], cussed into being by Ridcully during a time of great magical potential.

:These creatures can be found in: {{ER}}, {{S}}, {{G!G!}}, {{RM}} and {{NW}}.

[[Gargoyles]] - There are a large colony of gargoyles covering much of the ancient buildings of the Unseen University. The first appear in {{ER}}. In wet weather they delight in spitting the water over passing students. In the event of a serious storm however, they have been known to leave the walls and hide under the attics, holding 'that just because your are ugly, doesn't mean you have to be stupid'. In {{S}} the entire gargoyle population abandoned UU, descending to ground level and fleeing across the immaculate grass lawns, sensing the approach of the [[Coin|Sourcerer]].

The University still dumps magical rubbish carelessly in the back alleys of [[Ankh-Morpork]]. The eating of magical rubbish led to the rise of the [[Rats|rat]] Clan, composed of rats not only intelligent but also fluent in human speech. These rats are important characters in ''[[Book:The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents|The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents]]''.

[[Gaspode]], the thinking-brain dog for the [[Canting Crew]], may also have got his thinking abilities and human speech from eating Unseen's rubbish (or, as he says in {{MAA}}, by sleeping next to the High Energy Magic Building), dumped by time-honoured custom in the [[Unreal Estate]]. (Details in {{MP}} and {{MAA}}). This was certainly the case for [[The Amazing Maurice]], an otherwise bright feral tomcat who, before eating Unseen's rubbish at one step removed, was scratching a bare living on the margins, but then got a Big Idea.

[[Schleppel]], a boogeyman, was invited to move into the University's cellars after the events of {{RM}}, and happily looked forward to preying on its various wildlife. It is uncertain how he may have fitted into its curious ecology.

==Annotation==
The name of the Unseen University probably comes from the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_College Invisible College]

[[de:Unsichtbare Universität]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

UU degrees

2013-03-04T21:49:30Z

Dromandkass:

Taken from ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion|The Discworld Companion]]''

These are the [[Unseen University|UU]] courses in magic and related topics. UU also offers lesser degrees in medicine, law, geology and so on, but lecturers are required to have at least one magical degree from UU before they are allowed to teach. This is a fairly moot point anyway as most of the guilds deal with teaching their chosen profession, and the Assassins' Guild gives a much more comprehensive education anyway. This is by no means a full list. Please add to it.

The format is of the name of the degree, followed by the title given in brackets. A short explanation is given where possible, and any explanations that can be added are more than welcome.

'''Baccalaureates:'''

*Bachelor of Thaumatology (B.Thau)
*Bachelor of Magic (B.Mgc)
*Bachelor of Sortilege (B.S.)
*Bachelor of Magianism (B.Mn.)
*Bachelor of Divination (B.D.)
*Bachelor of Civil Lore (B.C.L.)
*Bachelor of Applied Theurgy (B.Ap.Th.)
*Bachelor of Impractical Necromancy (B.Im.N.)
*Bachelor of Fluencing (B.F.)
**The easiest degree to get, and the only true degree that has made its way to the Roundworld. Candidates need only answer a few questions on UU and its environs. Almost every Wizard has this degree, which gives the citizens of AM a good laugh, as it means that almost every Wizard is a B.F. (y'know, a "bloody fool").
*Bachelor of Amulets and Talismans (B.Am.Ta.)
*Bachelor of Cabalistic Rites (B.C.R.)
*Bachelor of Hyperphysical Chiromancy (B.H.Cr.)
*Bachelor of Esoteric Occultism (B.Es.O.)
*Bachelor of Eldritch Lacemaking (B.El.L.)
**Nobody knows why.

'''Masters:'''

*Master of Thaumatology (M.Thau.)
*Master of Magic (M.Mgc.)
*Master of Sortilege (M.S.)
*Master of Magianism (M.Mn.)
*Master of Divination (M.D.)
*Master of Civil Lore (M.C.L.)

'''Doctorates:'''

*Doctor of Thaumatology (D.Thau.)
*Doctor of Magic (D.Mgc.)
*Doctor of Sortilege (D.S.)
*Doctor of Magianism (D.Mn.)
*Doctor of Gramarye (D.G.)
*Doctor of Divination (D.D.)
*Doctor of Civil Lore (D.C.L.)
*Doctor of Magical Philosophy (D.M.Phil.)
*Doctor of Morbid Spellbinding (D.M.S.)
*Doctor of Condensed Metaphysics (D.C.M.)
*Doctor of Wizardry (D.W.)

'''Honoraries:'''

*Doctorum Adamus Cum Flabello Dulce
**"Doctor of Sweet Fanny Adams". Given to [[Khufurah|Prince Khufurah]] of [[Klatch_(country)|Klatch]], just before the war over [[Leshp]] during events described in ''[[Book:Jingo|Jingo]]''. Also available on Roundworld to anyone who is willing to pay for it.

[[Category:Wizards]]

Fools' Guild

2013-03-04T21:46:12Z

Dromandkass: /* The Degrees of Clowning */

[[Image:Fools01.png|150px|left]]Motto: ''DICO, DICO, DICO.''

''I say, I say, I say.''

Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns, or "Fools' Guild" for short. Originally, it was the Guild of Fools, Joculators, Minstrels, Buffoons and Mime Artists, but following the advent of Lord [[Vetinari]] as [[Patrician]], the bit about Mime Artists was discreetly dropped. Mime is still taught in the Guild, but very, very, cautiously, and students taking the course are warned not to try this on the other side of the gates. The guild is located right next to the [[Assassins' Guild]] in [[Ankh-Morpork]]. It stands on a [[Brotherhood of Infernal Zoth, the Undying Renderer|site with a gloomy and oppressive history]] suggesting a lot of suffering and human misery even before Guild founder Monsieur [[Jean-Paul Pune]] bought the land. Addding to the sum total of accumulated misery, the Guild buildings were eventually redesigned by [[Bergholt Stuttley Johnson]], incorporating the famed giant red nose overlooking the central performance arena.

The current guildmaster is [[Dr. Whiteface]] (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Although seen as the most fun guild, it's actually one of the worst to be a member of. The fun is always somehow forced. In public performances, clowns hit each other with sticks or custards or other objects until the audience laughs; the real natural reaction for the audience is horror and unease. During emergencies such as a fire, the clowns continue their supposedly funny assaults on their colleagues, with the less-used props like buckets and stepladders (example in ''[[Book:The Fifth Elephant|The Fifth Elephant]]'').

[[Image:Clown.jpg|200px|right]]As discovered by Captain [[Carrot]], the guild has a method of ensuring that no other member can have an identical 'face' (the guild consider their make-up to be their real faces). Each fool represents his 'face' with a painted egg made to resemble his particular arrangement of make-up. These faces can be passed down through many generations, and the eggs are kept in the [[Hall of Faces]]. Strangely, showing fools an unpainted egg will give them the willies as it represents someone without a face.

Make-up is a very important part of a fool's life, referred to as 'slap' it is common for them to borrow each other's slap but unthinkable for one fool to copy another's make-up. (Picture on right is by [[User:Knmatt|Matt Smith]])

The guild secretary is a man nervous from too many custards and is a misfit among other guild leaders during meetings called by the [[Patrician]], Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]]. The guild trains clowns (men with colorful wigs, make-up on their faces, fake red noses, baggy trousers, huge shoes; usually in public performance), fools (men with horned hats and colorful checkered shirts and tights; usually individual entertainers of nobles), and joculators ("standup" comedians or mountebanks.) One famous alumnus in the Fool track is currently King [[Verence II]] of [[Lancre]]. The serious outlook in life that King Verence II holds is a demonstration of how stark his training had been. Generally, the boys studying in the Fools' Guild sleep in dark, cold, narrow rooms, practice jokes and tricks, listen to the laughters of students in the other guilds, and in particular, watch in hopeless envy the genteel, airy life of the students in the Assassins' Guild.

While the man who puts weasels down his trousers continues to wow them in the Ramtops,
physical comedy is a hard sell in Ankh-Morpork. The [[Patrician]] throws mimes in the
Scorpion pit, and others are frequently berated in the narration.The Fools are in a
losing battle: even if they were better they wouldn't get any respect. The Guild does not recruit women, as it has been conclusively proven that women have no sense of humour ''whatsoever''.

The book {{MM}} introduces a new element to the practice of clowning in [[Ankh-Morpork]]. For the first time, at least in the mainstream novels (although this was discussed in one of the yearly diaries) we learn, from the painted-on lips of [[Dr. Whiteface]] himself, that there is an even darker art called '''[[sloshi|battle-clowning]]'''. This appears to be a formal martial art where the skills and tools of clowning are used, with an almost ninja-like precision, to incapacitate, wound or even kill an opponent. This may shed further light on why the Fools' Guild shares a party wall with the [[Assassins' Guild]], and why this has been used for clandestine contact between the two Guilds.

==The Fool's Guild Building==

In {{MAA}} we learn that the Guild door has a doorknocker which looks like a pair of plastic boobs. There is a bucket of slop above the door (which usually has to be removed if someone enters on official business). The Guild door is located in a gatehouse, and behind that an inner courtyard, where ceremonies are conducted (funerals and possibly inductions).

We learn that the rooftops of the Assassins and Fools Guild interweave.

==The Degrees of Clowning==

*1. Muggins.
*2. Gull.
*3. Dupe.
*4. Butt.

The first four levels are those which a student Fool is expected to attain during basic training at the Guild. This usually takes about five years, after which the student passes out with the grade of

*5. Fool.

This is only a starting point, however, as like masonic ritual, higher grades of fatuity beckon:-

*6. Tomfool.
*7. Stupid Fool.
*8. Arch Fool.
*9. Complete Fool.

*10. Dr Whiteface (leader)

== Named Clowns ==

* [[Billy "Clapstick Jack" Nodger]]
* [[Mavolio Bent]]
* [[Cauliflower the Clown]]
* [[Bouncy Normo]]
* Dr [[Whiteface]]
* [[Beano]]
* [[Boffo]]

==Annotation==

The appellation 'Fool' is actually a misnomer in many cases. Just as on [[Roundworld]], the repartee of a fool is actually wisdom of the highest order (for proof, see the utterances of the {{wp|Shakespearian_fool|fool}} in Shakespeare's ''King Lear'', who speaks more sense - disguised as gibberish - than any other protagonist in the play). This is made clear in {{WS}} when [[Verence II]]'s grasp of the comic vocabulary is said to be such that 'only the very senior Lords could understand him'.

In yet another of those "Our world is stranger than Discworld" moments, we note that clowns in real life actually do have individualised makeup and each design really is recorded on one of a huge number of painted eggs at a central registry. Here is [http://www.flickr.com/photos/lukestephenson/sets/72157606703952187/show/ a slideshow of the real thing on FLickr]

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

[[de:Narrengilde]]

Rosemary Palm

2013-03-04T21:31:45Z

Dromandkass: /* Annotation */

{{Character Data
|title= Mrs Palm
|photo=
|name= Rosemary Palm
|age=
|race= Human

|occupation= Seamstress (possibly retired). Now head of the [[Seamstresses' Guild]]
|appearance=

|residence= [[Ankh-Morpork]]

|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=

|books= {{NW}}
|cameos= {{FOC}}, {{TLH}}, {{TT}}
}}

Once upon a time, in a city called [[Ankh-Morpork]], there lived a little girl named Rosemary Palm. She was much like other little girls in her neighbourhood; maybe a little prettier, a bit cleverer, more inclined to do it her own way, in fact not so much ''like'' as ''not like''; different, really.

Opportunities for lower-class girls to improve their stations were scarce. Marriage was popular, but no guarantee of improvement. The scion of some great Ankh family might come and carry one off to his mansion, but while the general peripheries of marriage might be observed, the end product might not. Setting up some kind of shop required an investment. No, the obvious career for an ambitious young woman of limited means was as a Lady of Negotiable Affection : minimal investment and the ability to charge whatever the traffic would bear. The right traffic would bear some really impressive charges. "Rosie" had what it took to succeed in Ankh-Morpork and elsewhere : looks, brains and ambition.

Amid the general unrest at the end of [[Lord Winder]]'s tyranny, Rosie and other [[Seamstresses' Guild|Seamstresses]] were at the center of the street-level rebellion leading to the [[Glorious Revolution]] of Treacle Mine Road. Winder was as bad for her business as anyone's. She vetoed the fourth resolution of the Republic's motto, resulting in the familiar "''Truth, Justice, Freedom and Reasonably-Priced Love"''. During this episode she came to the attention of [[Havelock Vetinari]] and [[Lady Roberta Meserole]], some of their supporters among the political class. Their subsequent relationship is lost in the historical vacuum of the [[Snapcase]] tyranny, but when Vetinari finally became the [[Patrician]], he granted the Seamstresses' request for a Guild of their own, and Rosemary Palm has tended to be among the Patrician's council ever since. She continues as President of the Seamstresses' Guild.

One doesn't call her "Rosie" anymore, unless by long acquaintance. Mrs. Rosemary Palm is one of Ankh-Morpork's success stories, known far and wide, wealthy, and the confidante of the powerful. (The honorific comes with with her position in the business; there is no Mr. Palm.) Her house in the "entertainment district" (formerly and rather more accurately known as 'The Whore Pits') is one of the city's great tourist attractions.

==Annotation==

And a grubby one at that. In general English slang parlance, 'visiting Mrs Palm and her five daughters' has long been a euphemism for a male trait that is also generally supposed to send one blind. Need we expound further?

Or see the lyrics to Jackson Browne's song Rosie.

The Irish playwright and a co-founder of the London School of Economics, George Bernard Shaw, (26 July 1856 – 2 November 1950) was known for plays and novels addressing prevailing social problems, but have a vein of comedy which makes their stark themes more palatable.

One such play is called 'Mrs Warren's Profession'. The story centers on the relationship between Mrs Kitty Warren, owner of a chain of brothels across Europe, and her daughter, Vivie, an intelligent and pragmatic young woman. The play focuses on the characters' relationships to each other as shaped by Mrs. Warren's choices, and the social hypocrisies relating to prostitution and the limited opportunities available for young women in Victorian England. Her mother, Mrs. Warren has changed her name to hide her true identity and added 'Mrs' to give the impression that she is married.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Palm, Rosemary]]
[[Category:Serial characters|Palm, Rosemary]]
[[de:Rosemary Palm]]

Beggars' Guild

2013-03-04T21:14:06Z

Dromandkass:

Motto: ''MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER? '' (''Spare change, guv'nor?'')

Coat of Arms: a shield quartered. In the top quartered, three dragons, courant et or, on a field, gules. In the bottom-left quarter a dragon, gardant et or on a field, gules. In the top-left and bottom-right quarters a pattern of cal traps, argent, on a field, azure. Some visitors to the city have questioned the shield saying 'what a load of dragons got to do with beggars?' This misses the point, as it is in fact a second-hand coat of arms. In fact most visitors don't ask this. The two most common questions by visitors is 'Why don't I have any money left?' and 'Um...which way to...um...you know...the '[[Seamstresses' Guild|ladies]]'?

Current leader: [[Queen Molly]].

The oldest Guild in [[Ankh-Morpork]] and one of the more powerful, topped with a weather vane shaped like a beggar with his tin cup to the wind. The Beggars control the different sorts of beggars allowed to operate and how many of them in each area of the city. Divisions include Dribblers, Mumblers, Mutterers, Walking-Along-Shouters and [[Foul Ole Ron]], during his tenure at the Guild generally considered to be in a class of his own, if only because no one will share it with him. A certain amount of leeway would be given to, say, a Mumbler who risked the occasional Mutter, but no Mutterer would dare attempt Walking-Along-Shouting, on pain of pain. Enforcers of these rules are unknown.

The president of the Beggars' Guild is called Queen or King and wears the traditional velvet gown. He or she often finds life difficult because, due to the high rank, he/she will have to beg for something extravagant, and very few people are prepared to lend a 16-room mansion (see the coronation, in ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''). The Beggars' Guild has a guildhouse, like many other guilds. The true spirit of beggary is to always beg, never pay money or render services of any sort, for anything (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Members found buying things with money, running errands for people, and so on will be punished. Due to this, the Beggars' Guild is actually among the richest guilds in the city as they believe money is to be begged for not to be spent. A lot of the money has, however, been invested in property across the city via a series of agents and shell companies. Many of the richer citizens would be shocked to learn who they rent their well-to-do houses from. It is always a bad idea to kick a beggar in Ankh-Morpork, as karma can come round very swiftly, with the bailiffs.

Like the [[Thieves' Guild]], the Beggars offer a form of [[Inn-Sewer-Ants|insurance]] as well as the opportunity for direct charity. For a small fee, they can guarantee that no aggressive, unsightly, evil-smelling members will show up at your convention, daughter's wedding, or other special occasion. If you fail to take this simple precaution, you would be amazed at the number of beggars with 'interesting skin conditions' and infectious boils who will show up and start socialising with your guests.

The beggars guild runs a highly efficient intelligence service. Beggars are found across the city, often overlooked and ignored, but they see and hear everything. This knowledge can he sold to the highest bidder, who in many cases turns out to be the [[Havelock Vetinari|Patrician]]. They can also locate people in the chaos that is the city, as [[Heretofore]] is able to use the beggars' guild to find [[Cribbins]] for his master [[Cosmo Lavish]].

Politically the Guild has supported both the Patrician and the Watch in the power-plays of the city. In {{FOC}} Queen Molly opposed the City Council when they suggested replacing Lord Vetinari with a malleable king in the form of Nobby Nobbs and tipped off Commander Vimes that 'he needed to watch his back' as he was an impediment to the conspirator's plans. In {{J}} when Lord Rust demanded the guild leaders vote to remove the patrician from office, after the surrender to Klatch, the Beggar's Guild was one of four who refused to sign, the others being; the [[Seamstresses' Guild]], the [[Guild of Ecdysiasts, Nautchers, Cancanieres and Exponents of Exotic Dance|Strippers' Guild]] & the Washerwomen's Guild. One wonder's at Vetinari's youth to attract such support...

[[Foul Ole Ron]] and several other [[Canting Crew|beggars]] in his group used to be members in good standing in the Beggars' Guild. They are no longer members of the Guild because, perhaps, other members of the Guild would like somebody to look down on (see ''[[Book:The Truth|The Truth]]''). Foul Ole Ron's group has been, and may still be, the street salesmen of the [[Ankh-Morpork Times]] newspaper. If the rule about true beggary is to be adhered to, this behaviour disqualifies Foul Ole Ron and his friends from the Beggars' Guild.

==Beggar Classes==

*Twitchers
*Droolers
*Dribblers
*Mumblers
*Mutterers
*Walk-Along-Shouter
*Demanders of a Chip
*People who call other people Jimmy
*People who need Tuppence for a cup of tea
*People who need eight pence for a meal
*People with a placard saying 'Why lie? I need a beer.
*Beggar Lord
*Beggar King/Queen

*In a class by themselves; the [[Canting Crew]]

==Members of the Guild==

*[[Queen Molly]]
*[[Lettice Knibbs]] - maid to the Beggar Queen
*[[Cumbling Michael]] - Grade two Mutterer
*[[Dribbling Sidney]]
*[[Sidney Lopsides]]
*[[Cripple Wa]]
*[[Blind Hugh]]
*Ringo Eyebrows
*No Way José
*Whistling Dick

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

Ankh-Morpork City Watch

2013-03-03T22:33:35Z

Dromandkass:

The '''Ankh-Morpork Watch''' (also known as just "The Watch") is [[Ankh-Morpork]]'s police force.

==History==
The Watch and Ward of the Cities of Ankh and Morpork was founded in [[1561 UC]] by King [[Veltrick I]], who also bestowed upon them his personal motto, "Fabricati Diem, Pvncti Agvnt Celeriter," [[Latatian]] for "Make the Day, the Moments Pass Quickly." The Ward, originally the city gate guards, eventually took over thief-taking during daylight hours and became known as the Day Watch, the Watch becoming the Night Watch.

At the time [[Sam Vimes]] enlisted, the Watch comprised four divisions: Day Watch, Night Watch, [[Patrician's Palace|(the Patrician's) Palace]] Guards, and the secret police [[Cable Street Particulars]]. Cable Street Particulars were housed in Cable Street, Palace Guards worked at the palace; Day Watch and Night Watch shared the same police stations, using hour-of-daylight instead of geographic districts to delineate their jurisdictions.

The Cable Street Particulars, an unpopular and much-feared group of secret policemen who spied, jailed citizens without arrest warrants, and tortured them to death, had been taken down during the transition from [[Lord Winder]] to [[Mad Lord Snapcase|Lord Snapcase]] as the Patrician (see {{NW}}).

When first encountered in {{COM}}, Watch officers 'bravely' intervened in a pub fight, but only after "giving 'survivors' ample time to escape via the back door, a neat compromise between caution and justice that benefited all parties"; these were likely the Day Watch officers.

Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]], the [[Patrician]], legalised the [[Thieves' Guild]] and made them regulate their own behaviour, which were mostly what were conventionally thought of as the criminal activities in the city. The Watch slowly became unnecessary, and anyway the Day Watch was headed by a pompous idiot, Captain "Mayonnaise" [[Quirke]], so called because he was thick, oily and smelled of eggs (this may be an oblique reference to Capt. Mark Phillips, first husband of HRH Princess Anne, who was allegedly known as "Foggy" because he was thick and wet). The Night Watch was even worse. It was for total [[Errol|whittles]]. The Watch motto, as inscribed over the Treacle Mine Road watch-house, had eroded to "Fabricati Diem, Pvnc," which [[Fred Colon]] insisted meant "To Protect and Serve."

By the time of {{G!G!}}, the Night Watch had been reduced to four members, one of them a raw recruit, and permanently housed in Treacle Mine Road. The Day Watch at that time did not use that station, which was just as well because, very soon, a [[Noble dragon]] burned down the building. By the gift of [[Lady Sybil Ramkin]], the Night Watch was moved to a building in [[Pseudopolis Yard]], in posh uptown Ankh-Morpork opposite the [[Opera House]]. The building was large, but the Night Watch morale was habitually low.

Lord Vetinari, in his efforts to modernise [[Ankh-Morpork]], has continually forced the Night Watch to take in members of the despised 'ethnic minorities': trolls, dwarfs, and the undead. This was originally intended to project an image of the modern Ankh-Morpork embracing the ethnic diversity, while really putting the minority members in the Night Watch which nobody saw so nobody would complain. This cultural diversity, coupled with [[Carrot Ironfoundersson|Corporal Carrot]]'s exceptional leadership skills, allowed the Night Watch to bring back a sort of peace and order during a period of ethnic riots (in {{MAA}}).

After dealing with the riots successfully, Vetinari merged the Day Watch, Night Watch, and Palace Guard under [[Sam Vimes]], promoted to the long-dormant knightly rank of Watch Commander, and Carrot, now Captain of the Watch. Carrot lobbied for an increase in the Watch's power; Sir Samuel worked out the details of which police stations to keep, to re-open, or to establish, and how may officers per station, how their shifts and beats are rotated and scattered, etc. This went much further than Vetinari's ideas, but Carrot's powers of persuasion (and some overwhelming debts - whilst never acknowledged - being owed him by Vetinari) led to a strong Watch which has become a police force as term is understood in other areas of the [[Multiverse]].

Sir Samuel also resurrected the [[Cable Street Particulars]], now in the form of plainclothes detectives instead of secret police (because, as Vimes surmised, if you have secret crimes, you need secret policemen). The latest time that they were mentioned, the modern Cable Street Particulars were still housed in the building in Pseudopolis Yard, now the headquarters of the merged Ankh-Morpork City Watch.

The Watch is now a multi-ethnic, creative, pro-active, public-facing ''institution'' - a good job with real prospects, a force for good, a powerful lobby in such councils as take place and an active deterrent to unlicensed crime of all sorts. This is a far cry from the humble beginnings we witness in {{G!G!}}.

Warrant Cards are mentioned for the first time in [[Book:Snuff|Snuff]] where previously, only possession of the badge was necessary to prove one's status as a Watchman. Also, Sam Vimes has somehow found the time to write the definitive book on police procedure - possibly the Watch's answer to the Assassins' [[Concordat]] or the Fool's ''Pune, or Play on Words''.

==Divisions==
The modern Watch has in addition to the general Watch:
*Cable Street Particulars, the plainclothes detectives for secret crimes (in ''[[Book:Maskerade|Maskerade]]'')
*River Patrol, although the boat keeps sinking in the Ankh, which is probably an amazing feat considering that the Ankh is more than semi-solid (in ''[[Book:The Fifth Elephant|The Fifth Elephant]]'')
*Traffic division (est. {{J}}), which is self-financing and therefore cheerfully abused (they clamped and fined anything that stayed in one place for what they judged to be too long: carts, a troll, a duck, The Patrician's Palace and similar immovable and/or ridiculous objects. (in {{T5E}})
*Forensics (est. {{FOC}}), housed in an unused privy and the cellar in Psuedopolis Yard
*Airborne Section, mainly for surveillance and intelligence gathering (in {{NW}})
*The [[Specials]] or "Citizens Militia", who are unsuitable for the job as a regular Watchman due to profession, age, or even brain (in {{NW}}). Called up in times of great need, by, for example, a young Watchman named Carrot (in {{MAA}}). Includes the [[Librarian]] (of [[Unseen University]]), whom Nobby called "Special Ape Services" (in {{G!G!}}), as well as surprisingly, [[Mr Boggis]] (and his bodyguards) of the [[Thieves' Guild]].

==Watchhouses==
The watchhouses currently in service are:
*''Headquarters'': [[Pseudopolis Yard]]
*[[Treacle Mine Road Watch House|Treacle Mine Road]] (destroyed in {{G!G!}} and rebuilt in {{NW}})
*[[Cable Street Particulars|Cable Street Particulars HQ]] (destroyed in {{NW}})
*[[Chittling Street]]
*[[Dimwell Street]]
*[[Dolly Sisters]]
*[[King's Way]]
*Leastgate
*[[Long Wall]]
*[[Nap Hill]]
*[[Broad Way]], the former Day Watch House; may no longer be in service
*''Training'': an old lemonade factory, across the street from Pseudopolis Yard. This is most likely to be the large otherwise un-named building/city block in between [[The Butts|Butts Treat]] and [[Squeezebelly Alley]], just widdershins of the Watch House. (The location on the turnwise side is named as The Screws, which from its name and proximity to the [[Tanty]] suggests it may be accommodation for prison officers.)

(See ''[[Book:The Discworld Companion|The Discworld Companion]]'', {{NW}}.)

==Personnel==
Members of the modern Watch, listed alphabetically, and their ranks at the latest or last mention, include:
* [[André]], Cable Street Particulars
* [[Wee Mad Arthur]], Constable
* [[Bauxite]], Lance-Constable
* [[Bluejohn]], Officer (as of Unseen Academicals)
* [[Brakenshield]], Constable
* [[Chert]], Constable
* [[Fred Colon]], Sergeant, Custordy Officer & Watch Liaison
* [[Cuddy]], Acting-Constable (d.)
* [[Detritus]], Sergeant
* [[Dorfl]], Constable
* [[Downspout]], Constable
* [[Emile]], Captain, on attachment from Le [[Quirm City Watch|Gendarmerie de Quirm]].
* [[Fiddyment]], Constable
* [[Fittly]], Constable
* [[Flint]], Sergeant
* Unnamed [[Gorgon]] Constable
* [[Hacknee]], Constable
* [[Haddock]], Sergeant, doubles as Watchman at the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
* [[Sally von Humpeding|Salacia "Sally" Delorisista Amanita Trigestrata Zeldana Malifee...von Humpeding]], Lance-Constable & Liaison to the [[Low King]]
* [[Igor#Igor at Ankh-Morpork City Watch, Ankh-Morpork|Igor]], Constable, Forensics, also ER surgeon
* [[Ironbender]], Constable
* [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]], Captain
* [[Precious Jolson]], Constable
* [[Keenside]], Constable
* [[Cheery Littlebottom]], Sergeant, Forensics
* [[Mica]], Constable
* [[Nobby Nobbs|C. W. St. J. "Nobby" Nobbs]], Corporal
* [[A.E. Pessimal]], Inspector
* [[Pediment]], Constable
* [[Ping]], Corporal
* [[Schist]], Constable
* [[Reg Shoe]], Corporal (d. but it hasn't stopped him)
* [[Ringfounder]], Corporal
* [[Rodney]]
* [[Lars Skulldrinker]]
* [[Abba Stronginthearm]], Sergeant (d.)
* [[Buggy Swires]], Corporal, Airborne Section
* [[Hrolf Thighbiter]], Constable
* [[Angua von Überwald]], Captain
* His Grace Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] The Duke of Ankh, Commander
* [[Visit-the-Infidel-with-Explanatory-Pamphlets]] ("Washpot"), Constable

The Specials include:
* [[Silas Cumberbatch]], town crier
* [[Andy Hancock|Andy "Two Swords" Hancock]], Clacksman (very enthusiastic wielder of Agatean weaponry)
* [[Boggis|Mr. Boggis]], Head of the Thieves Guild
* Harry "Can't Remember His Nickname" Jones, Bodyguard of Mr. Boggis
* The [[Librarian]], "Special Ape Services"
* Vinny "No Ears" Ludd, Bodyguard of Mr. Boggis
* [[Willikins]], Commander Vimes' butler

Members of the old Watch (Night Watch unless stated):
* [[Cecil Clapman|Cecil "Snouty" Clapman]], gaoler (d.)
* [[Ned Coates]], Lance-Corporal (d.)
* Curry, Corporal (d.)
* [[Dai Dickins]], Sergeant (d.)
* [[Douglas]], Captain, Palace Guard
* Doxie, Captain of the Day Watch during {{RM}}
* [[Herbert Gaskin|Herbert "Leggy" Gaskin]] (d.)
* Hummock, Sergeant, Day Watch
* [[John Keel]], Sergeant-at-Arms (d.)
* [[Kepple]], Sergeant (d.)
* [[Winsborough Knock]], Sergeant
* [[Gerald Leastways]], Cable Street Particulars
* [[Maroon]], Sergeant (d.)
* [[Skully Muldoon]], Sergeant, Day Watch
* [[Horace Nancyball]], Lance-Constable (d.)
* "Mayonnaise" [[Quirke]], Captain, Day Watch (formerly Corporal, Night Watch)
* Scurrick (d.)
* [[Findthee Swing]], Captain, Cable Street Particulars (d.)
* [[Tilden]], Captain
* [[Billy Wiglet]], Constable (d.)

==Workplace Culture==
The modern watch, under the leadership of Commander Vimes (who is cynical and dislikes everything in general) and Captain Carrot (who sees the good in everyone), has the widest ethnic diversity of all organizations or businesses in Ankh-Morpork (with the possible exception of the [[Post Office]]). At last count, members include:

*[[Humans]] with Vimes and Carrot ranking the highest, and Fred Colon being the most senior;
*[[Dwarfs]], Stronginthearm (deceased) and Littlebottom ranking as sergeants;
*[[Trolls]], Detritus and Flint ranking as sergeants;
*[[werewolves|A werewolf]], Angua ranking as Captain;
*[[Gnomes|A gnome]], Swires ranking as corporal;
*[[Nobby_Nobbs|A Nobbs]]. While Nobby carries [[Nobby's note|papers]] declaring him to be human many people believe these to be forged;
*[[Zombies|A zombie]], Reg Shoe;
*[[Golems]], three in Thud!, with Dorfl being the first and so far the only named Golem in the watch;
*[[Gargoyles]], Downspout and Pediment;
*A recent [[vampires|vampire]] recruit, [[Sally von Humpeding]].
*An [[Igor]] whose modern outlook on matters pertaining to medicine (bio-artificing, no lisp and ''ridiculously'' small stitches) have made him outcast in his own community. He is Watch medic, surgeon, and occasional forensic pathologist;
*And an [[Ephebe|Ephebian]] (perhaps they exist in other regions) Medusa who joined between the events of {{UA}} and {{T!}}. Allegedly, she (or he?) turned three people into stone after a gust of wind blown his/her sunglasses off. As [[Ponder Stibbons]] said, even though the [[Faculty|wizards]] restored them, no-one wants to be a statue, even if it was only for half an hour.

It appears that many Watchmen consider all Watchmen as the same class of people and outside of everyday racial or species discrimination. Camaraderie between Watchmen appears to be high and genuine except when the wage chitty is mislaid (see [[Watchmen's Guild]], in {{T5E}}). The modern Watch, in fact, comes from conscripting rioters who were fighting over differences in species. Whether this camaraderie can see the Watch through another major ethnic riot has yet to be seen. Prejudices against ethnic minorities still do exist between Watchmen, such as the common habit of putting articles in the locker of a new recruit (e.g. stepladders and platform shoes for a dwarf). In particular, many humans and some dwarfs worry that the werewolf, Angua (now sergeant) will attack them, and they make nasty comments about the werewolf when they get a chance. Troll officers worry less about the werewolf, since even a werewolf cannot bite a chunk off a troll.

In the old days, many Watchmen were never eager about the job, since it was not a good idea to die on duty. Practical considerations would also tell a Watchman, however much of an advocate of justice he might be, to refrain from making his wife a widow, because there were no widow's pensions, except a few dollars scraped together by Samuel Vimes (then Captain), which nobody knew about and so weren't taken into consideration. The advice for Carrot in his first days in the Watch was: ''Don't run. Remember Gaskin''. [[Herbert Gaskin|Herbert "Leggy" Gaskin]] was buried just before the events of {{G!G!}}. He chased and actually caught up with a criminal, in foolish disregard of Watch practice.

Nowadays, there is a well-endowed fund for retirement pensions and pensions for widows, orphans, and old parents of Watchmen who died on duty. Another work benefit is emergency surgery by Igor when a Watchman is wounded on the job, a benefit long available to members of many different guilds in Ankh-Morpork (the guilds hired their own doctors), but only recently available to the Watchmen.

New Watchmen are mostly trained by Sergeant Detritus and Sergeant Colon. Detritus can beat (metaphorically) the new recruits into shape, and then they will do anything that Sergeant Colon wants them to. Sergeant Colon will then school them in the more practical and cynical aspects of being a Watchman. After training, a new Watchman works a probation period. Since the Ankh-Morpork City Watch is now famous for its training and accomplishments, after the probation, the new Watchman will often decide to move to other cities because their watches pay a premium to hire an Ankh-Morporkian Watchman. Such constables are known around the Sto Plains as [[Sammies]]. This phenomenon has the extra benefit of creating a network of policemen across the Disc, who have all been trained to salute Commander Vimes and call him "sir".

Captain Carrot, perpetually cheerful and at the same time scrupulously law-abiding, keeps the Watchmen from being another gang of petty criminals. The notable example of this effect is after-work drinking. Like many Ankh-Morporkians, Watchmen go for a drink after work. They usually drink at Mr. Cheese's pub, [[the Bucket]]. Captain Carrot will lecture a Watchman who doesn't pay his tab. On and on. Watchmen have learned to pay their tabs.

==Watch TV Series==
Apparently the Ankh-Morpork City Watch will be adapted into a weekly TV series.

See [http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/03/14/terry-pratchetts-discworld-being-adapted-to-crime-of-the-week-mystery-tv-series/ Here] for more information.

Early speculation it appears that the TV series will be called '''Watch''' and that there will be 13 episodes each one an hour in length.

==Annotations==
The idea for the Cable Street Particulars may have come from the Baker Street Irregulars, a secret police force of street children formed by Sherlock Holmes. [[Cable Street]] has police connections in our world, which see.

Another interesting crossover between Pratchett and anarchistic author Robert Anton Wilson; in Wilsons's '''''Illuminatus!''''' series novel '''''The Widow's Son''''', which is largely set in Paris in the run-up to the French Revolution, we meet the Paris City Watch. This is commanded by one Antoine de Sartine[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antoine_de_Sartine], a real historical personality, whom Wilson draws as a very familiar Vimes-like figure. De Sartine has a subordinate officer called Lieutenant Loup-Garou. ''Loup-Garou'' is French for ''Werewolf''...

The City Watch novels can be seen as an affectionate parody of Ed McBain's famous "87th Precinct" novel sequence (1956–2005), probably the most influential police procedurals ever written.

Thinking along Ed McBain-like lines, it's worth noting that TP himself has acknowledged a debt to Joseph Wambaugh's seminal novel of the Los Angeles Police Department, '''''the Choirboys''''', which details the everyday lives of the street cops working out of a certain precinct, and how the priorities of the force are not always theirs. Note several things here: the motto of the LAPD is ''To Protect and To Serve'', as uncertainly quoted by Fred Colon in {{G!G!}}.

In Wambaugh's novel, the officers periodically detox themselves with "choir practice" - a euphemism for going out and getting riotously drunk. While the Ankh-Morpork officers have the Bucket for their choir practice sessions, Sally von Humpeding, in {{T!}}, goes one better and actually gets the Watchwomen going out on a pub crawl - she takes the ladies' choir out on the road.

Elsewhere in the fictional police contininuinuum, there is the San Francisco P.D. (Motto: "Oro en Paz, Fierro en Guerra".)One of its (celluloid) officers is Dirty Harry Callahan, whose personal motto is ''Make My Day, Punk'' - a more literal translation of the dog-Latin carved above the watch-house door.

it ocurs to me that in Tom Sharpe's two novels set in apartheid South Africa, '''''Riotous Assembly''''' and '''''Indecent Exposure''''' which centre around the grossly incompetent and disorganised Piemburg Police Force, might well also be an influence here. In general, the South African Police Force as portrayed by Sharpe is an analogue of the Night Watch as we know and love it, but shorn of any graces or redeeming features whatsoever. Another influence on Pratchett?

Character Correspondences:

Liutnant Verkramp (deranged secret policeman) - [[Findthee Swing]]

Sergeant de Knock (fat lazy old-timer) - [[Fred Colon]] (and/or [[Winsborough Knock|Sergeant Knock]])

Konstabel Els (indescribable, trigger-happy psychopath) - [[Nobby Nobbs]] and [[Detritus]] with the [[Piecemaker]]

Kommandant van Heerden: Captain "Mayonnaise" [[Quirke]]

[[de:Ankh-Morpork Stadtwache]]

[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses|City Watch]]

Ankh-Morpork City Watch

2013-03-03T22:16:58Z

Dromandkass:

Beggars' Guild

2013-03-03T21:56:32Z

Dromandkass:

Motto: ''MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER? '' (''Spare change, guv'nor?'')

Coat of Arms: a shield quartered. In the top quartered, three dragons, courant et or, on a field, gules. In the bottom-left quarter a dragon, gardant et or on a field, gules. In the top-left and bottom-right quarters a pattern of cal traps, argent, on a field, azure. Some visitors to the city have questioned the shield saying 'what a load of dragons got to do with beggars?' This misses the point, as it is in fact a second-hand coat of arms. In fact most visitors don't ask this. The two most common questions by visitors is 'Why don't I have any money left?' and 'Um...which way to...um...you know...the '[[Seamstresses' Guild|ladies]]'?

Current leader: [[Queen Molly]].

The oldest Guild in [[Ankh-Morpork]] and one of the more powerful, topped with a weather vane shaped like a beggar with his tin cup to the wind. The Beggars control the different sorts of beggars allowed to operate and how many of them in each area of the city. Divisions include Dribblers, Mumblers, Mutterers, Walking-Along-Shouters and [[Foul Ole Ron]], during his tenure at the Guild generally considered to be in a class of his own, if only because no one will share it with him. A certain amount of leeway would be given to, say, a Mumbler who risked the occasional Mutter, but no Mutterer would dare attempt Walking-Along-Shouting, on pain of pain. Enforcers of these rules are unknown.

The president of the Beggars' Guild is called Queen or King and wears the traditional velvet gown. He or she often finds life difficult because, due to the high rank, he/she will have to beg for something extravagant, and very few people are prepared to lend a 16-room mansion (see the coronation, in ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''). The Beggars' Guild has a guildhouse, like many other guilds. The true spirit of beggary is to always beg, never pay money or render services of any sort, for anything (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Members found buying things with money, running errands for people, and so on will be punished. Due to this, the Beggars' Guild is actually among the richest guilds in the city as they believe money is to be begged for not to be spent. A lot of the money has, however, been invested in property across the city via a series of agents and shell companies. Many of the richer citizens would be shocked to learn who they rent their well-to-do houses from. It is always a bad idea to kick a beggar in Ankh-Morpork, as karma can come round very swiftly, with the bailiffs.

Like the [[Thieves' Guild]], the Beggars offer a form of [[Inn-Sewer-Ants|insurance]] as well as the opportunity for direct charity. For a small fee, they can guarantee that no aggressive, unsightly, evil-smelling members will show up at your convention, daughter's wedding, or other special occasion. If you fail to take this simple precaution, you would be amazed at the number of beggars with 'interesting skin conditions' and infectious boils who will show up and start socialising with your guests.

The beggars guild runs a highly efficient intelligence service. Beggars are found across the city, often overlooked and ignored, but they see and hear everything. This knowledge can he sold to the highest bidder, who in many cases turns out to be the [[Havelock Vetinari|Patrician]]. They can also locate people in the chaos that is the city, as [[Heretofore]] is able to use the beggars' guild to find [[Cribbins]] for his master [[Cosmo Lavish]].

Politically the Guild has supported both the Patrician and the Watch in the power-plays of the city. In {{FOC}} Queen Molly opposed the City Council when they suggested replacing Lord Vetinari with a malleable king in the form of Nobby Nobbs and tipped off Commander Vimes that 'he needed to watch his back' as he was an impediment to the conspirator's plans. In {{J}} when Lord Rust demanded the guild leaders vote to remove the patrician from office, after the surrender to Klatch, the Beggar's Guild was one of four who refused to sign, the others being; the [[Seamstresses' Guild]], the Strippers' Guild & the Washerwomen's Guild. One wonder's at Vetinari's youth to attract such support...

[[Foul Ole Ron]] and several other [[Canting Crew|beggars]] in his group used to be members in good standing in the Beggars' Guild. They are no longer members of the Guild because, perhaps, other members of the Guild would like somebody to look down on (see ''[[Book:The Truth|The Truth]]''). Foul Ole Ron's group has been, and may still be, the street salesmen of the [[Ankh-Morpork Times]] newspaper. If the rule about true beggary is to be adhered to, this behavior disqualifies Foul Ole Ron and his friends from the Beggars' Guild.

==Beggar Classes==

*Twitchers
*Droolers
*Dribblers
*Mumblers
*Mutterers
*Walk-Along-Shouter
*Demanders of a Chip
*People who call other people Jimmy
*People who need Tuppence for a cup of tea
*People who need eight pence for a meal
*People with a placard saying 'Why lie? I need a beer.
*Beggar Lord
*Beggar King/Queen

*In a class by themselves; the [[Canting Crew]]

==Members of the Guild==

*[[Queen Molly]]
*[[Lettice Knibbs]] - maid to the Beggar Queen
*[[Cumbling Michael]] - Grade two Mutterer
*[[Dribbling Sidney]]
*[[Sidney Lopsides]]
*[[Cripple Wa]]
*[[Blind Hugh]]
*Ringo Eyebrows
*No Way José
*Whistling Dick

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

Monolith

2013-03-02T23:05:17Z

Dromandkass:

A mythic [[Trolls|troll]] hero figure of dubious position. A parody of {{wp|Prometheus|Prometheus}}, he first wrested the secret of rocks from the gods (the secret being that you can hit someone with one). Even though the famous human [["Fingers" Mazda]] (the Thief of Fire) is usually credited with being the Disc's first thief, Monolith probably predates him considerably ("Troll gods were hitting one another with clubs ten thousand years before we'd even stopped trying to eat rocks" ~[[Samuel Vimes]], {{MAA}}). Perhaps this is because Monolith fought for the secret rather than steal it.

He is mentioned in {{MP}}. In {{FOC}}, however, statues of Monolith are referred to as "troll religious statues", indicating that he is also some kind of demigod or similar. [[Chalky]] the troll ran a workshop mass producing the statues, suspected by the Watch of being used to smuggle troll drugs out of the city. Their suspicions were first aroused when Chalky register his company as the 'The Hollow Statue Export Company'.

[[Category:Troll characters]]
[[Category: Supernatural entities]]

Monolith

2013-03-02T23:03:53Z

Dromandkass:

Monolith

2013-03-02T23:03:31Z

Dromandkass:

XXXX

2013-03-02T22:53:41Z

Dromandkass:

{{Nation Data
|title= Fourecks
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Purdee Island]], [[Foggy Islands]], [[Mono Island]]

|features= Outback, Mountains, coastline 'girt by sea'

|capital= [[Bugarup]]
|population= Several thousand, humans with a few dwarves
|size= Roughly 3,000,000 sq. miles
|government= Republic, current ruler: Prime Minster
|notablecitizens= [[Mad]], [[Bill Rincewind]], [[Tinhead Ned]], [[Dibbler|Fair Go Dibbler]], [[Rincewind|Rinso]]

|exports= Opals, sheep, wool, beer, bananas, barmen.
|imports= Hard to think of any bloody thing the world could offer Fourecks

|anthem=

|books= {{TLC}}

}}

Pronounced "EcksEcksEcksEcks", or "Fourecks", if and when people on the main continent bother about this mysterious continent of XXXX. It is so named because rumours have long held that a landmass exists in such-and-such a position in the oceans, but no explorers ever made it there to learn its proper name and then come back to tell of it. Old records in the [[Unseen University]] Library tell of two separate expeditions of wizards that attempted to reach the last continent centuries ago, one of which was reputed to have been led by a [[Sourcerer]].

The continent indeed exists. Its people are characterized by an easy-going attitude and an absolute refusal and incomprehension of the phenomenon of rain, until the events chronicled in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]''. The Ecksians have a very colourful language with many complicated colloquialisms. They have learnt to live with the almost exclusively poisonous nature of their flora and fauna.

The continent of XXXX sports a tangled space-time continuum, in which a story to fool foreigners at one location becomes a reality some miles away; for example, on one ranch, the [[Drop bear|drop-bears]] were stories to scare foreigners, but some miles away, a traveller ([[Rincewind]]) was indeed attacked by drop-bears. There are also "places where there's very little time, and times when there's hardly any place." As the [[Trickster]], alias "Scrappy" ([[hoki|Hoki?]], whose name is uncannily similar to that of the eponymous star of the Australian children's television series, "Skippy"), says, "imagine the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, only the piece is a bloody great continent which has got to be turned through about nine dimensions" until it finally slots into place.

XXXX is also called the ''Terror Incognita''. Almost all animals and plants in XXXX are dangerous; when [[Death]] requested a book about the dangerous creatures of XXXX from his library, he was subsequently hit by a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "''Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita''", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the ''harmless'' creatures merely produced a note saying "Some of the sheep". The land is inhospitable because the flora and fauna all hate you and there is never any rain. It is a baking-hot land of red sand. The Ecksians generally dig into the ground to get water. The continent is surrounded by a permanent anticyclone. Even in the direction that people can get their boats out into the ocean, they have to remember not to go too far out, because the [[Rim|edge]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]] is very near.

Known locations include the major city [[Bugarup]] with its [[Bugarup University|magical university]] and the smaller towns of; [[Dijabringabeeralong]], [[Worralorrasurfa]] and [[Cangoolie]].

Since the events of ''The Last Continent'', XXXX has supplied most of the Disc's bar staff. This is due to the climate change, with the rain clouds ending their anti-cyclone around the coast and finally bringing rainfall to the continent. With the sea lanes at last accessible, XXXX has begun to trade with the rest of the disc, and has opened an diplomatic embassy in Ankh-Morpork; [[Flaming Kookaburra, The|The Flaming Kookaburra]]. Ankh-Morpork has reciprocated and established a small embassy in Bugarup, with some [[Arachne|'specialist staff']]. It has also become the destination of choice for citizens of AM that wish to escape the attentions of the Watch. The [[Marquis of Fantailler]] fled there after the minor matter of killing his wife, and the notorious fraudster [[Moist von Lipwig]] considered it as a possible destination until it was explained to him that even that would not be far enough. In {{SN}} the young aristocrat [[Gravid Rust]] chose to take a nice holiday in XXXX rather than face some vexing questions about a 'minor slaving/kidnaping/smuggling/drug trade he was running. He would have had a nice retirement had he not tragically [[Dark Clerk|fall foul of the dangerous wildlife]].

==Annotations==
'''XXXX''' resembles the Australian continent in a great many ways, quite a few of them subtle. Thus, the full significance of a number of its 'in-jokes' is likely to be missed by non-Australians (e.g. the provenance of the name 'Scrappy' and the significance of his role as a friendly, helpful kangaroo who can communicate in 'kangaroo language'; the annual regatta held in the waterless 'river' using 'boat-shaped boats'; the naming of desserts after opera singers; the armoured character 'Tin-head Ned'; the phenomenon, transvestite aspect, and naming of 'the Galah'; the naming and travels of Darlene and co; the cave wall paintings of hand 'negatives'; the 'backpackers' on the Bugarup docks; Rincewind's easily-doffed footwear; the shape of the Opera House; the chasing of a herd of horses led by a very special 'colt',and the significance of the name 'Snowy' in the scene; the 'drop-bears'; Rincewind's accidental creation of a dire substance which closely resembles Vegemite; the crowds of colourful, talkative little birds; the 'creature' in the waterhole; the prominence of simile in Ecksian slang; etc., all of which, amongst many others, have [[Roundworld]] Australian counterparts in real life, literature or mythology).

The letters XXXX themselves form the name of a famous Australian beer brewed and drunk in the vast, hot, sub-tropical to tropical North-Eastern state of Queensland, whose inhabitants are traditionally regarded by denizens of some other states as being 'backwards'. The time-worn joke about the name of the Queensland-brewed beer is that, "it's spelt XXXX because Queenslanders don't know how to spell BEER". Unlike most authors, TP has got past the well-known and overdone stereotypical Australian icons and really done his homework on Australia, thus gaining a wealth of material to render into the weird, wild and wonderful Discworld continent of XXXX in all its venomous, dessicated glory.

Terror Incognita = ''Terra Incognita'' - the Unknown Lands. This is a term used in cartography for regions that have not been mapped or documented. Often used instead of ''Terra Australis'', the "land of the south", which was a hypothetical continent appearing on European maps from the 15th to the 18th centuries.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Viericks]]

Gravid Rust

2013-03-02T22:52:54Z

Dromandkass:

The obnoxious and unpleasant son of [[Ronald Rust]] and heir to the Rust land and title. He is first encountered as the Rust son who was arrested by [[Sam Vimes]] and brought before the [[Patrician]] for shooting a servant for allegedly setting his boots out the wrong way round.

In {{FOC}} he (or his father) was later the chief suspect in paying for an assassin to kill Vimes as revenge. The assassin failed, discovering too late the lengths Vimes had gone to make the Ramkin house a lethal death-trap for unwanted intruders, and was forced to hand over the payment to Sir Samuel while suspended above the dragon pens.

In {{SN}} Vimes encounters him again, as a prime mover behind even greater crimes. Gravid Rust is capable of a certain greasy charm, and uses this to persuade people who should know better to join him in a series of escalating crimes and offences. Gravid was responsible for having [[goblins]] forcibly taken from [[Hangman's Hill]] and shipped for use as slave labour on his tobacco plantation in [[Howondaland]]. He also used the same shipments of tobacco to smuggle a number of troll drugs into Ankh-Morpork along with the tobacco. These included the deadly [[Crystal Slam]] and others including Slab, Slice, Slap, and Slunkie.

Three years later Gravid attempted to move a second shipment of goblins to Howondaland, also employing the ruthless killer [[Stratford]] to tidy away witnesses and lose ends. Here Gravid overreached himself, and by [[Vetinari|a lucky accident of chance]] [[Samuel Vimes]] was on holiday in the region to uncover this crime.

While most of Gravid's lackeys and smugglers were caught, and the corrupt magistrates removed, Vetinari was forced to point out to the enraged Vimes that slavery of goblins was not then a crime (goblins having being classed as vermin) and Gravid could not be brought to trial for his actions. While Diamond King of Trolls was demanding that Gravid be sent to him for trial (and near certain execution) for his role in shipping lethal troll drugs, the Patrician knew it would not be politically feasible to hand over the son of a prominent aristocrat for trolls to kill, regardless of his crimes. Instead Vetinari told Vimes that he would have to be content with Gravid being disinherited by his father, losing his position and title, and exiled to [[Fourecks]] for the foreseeable future. While this would be seen as a terrible fate for most aristocrats Vimes saw it as 'a nice holiday in the sun' for someone who had trafficked in misery and suffering for profit.

In the end, they say all sins are forgiven. Perhaps not all...

Vetinari is later seen ordering one of his [[Dark Clerk|dark clerks]] in Forecks to poison Gravid and make it appear like a natural accident. Vetinari must act in the dark and outside of the Law without sanction, luxuries he envies Vimes, to ensure that there is Justice for the goblins.

==Annotations==

The term '[[Wikipedia:Gravid|Gravid]]' in Roundworld refers to when animals (fish or reptiles) carry their eggs inside of them. On the Discworld, the term also applies to [[swamp dragons]], so probably has a different meaning. Then again, dragons are more or less reptiles and we don´t ''know'' that they don´t carry their eggs inside themselves.

{{stub}}

[[Category: Discworld characters]]

XXXX

2013-03-02T22:48:23Z

Dromandkass:

{{Nation Data
|title= Fourecks
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Purdee Island]], [[Foggy Islands]], [[Mono Island]]

|features= Outback, Mountains, coastline 'girt by sea'

|capital= [[Bugarup]]
|population= Several thousand, humans with a few dwarves
|size= Roughly 3,000,000 sq. miles
|government= Republic, current ruler: Prime Minster
|notablecitizens= [[Mad]], [[Bill Rincewind]], [[Tinhead Ned]], [[Dibbler|Fair Go Dibbler]], [[Rincewind|Rinso]]

|exports= Opals, sheep, wool, beer, bananas, barmen.
|imports= Hard to think of any bloody thing the world could offer Fourecks

|anthem=

|books= {{TLC}}

}}

Pronounced "EcksEcksEcksEcks", or "Fourecks", if and when people on the main continent bother about this mysterious continent of XXXX. It is so named because rumours have long held that a landmass exists in such-and-such a position in the oceans, but no explorers ever made it there to learn its proper name and then come back to tell of it. Old records in the [[Unseen University]] Library tell of two separate expeditions of wizards that attempted to reach the last continent centuries ago, one of which was reputed to have been led by a [[Sourcerer]].

The continent indeed exists. Its people are characterized by an easy-going attitude and an absolute refusal and incomprehension of the phenomenon of rain, until the events chronicled in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]''. The Ecksians have a very colourful language with many complicated colloquialisms. They have learnt to live with the almost exclusively poisonous nature of their flora and fauna.

The continent of XXXX sports a tangled space-time continuum, in which a story to fool foreigners at one location becomes a reality some miles away; for example, on one ranch, the [[Drop bear|drop-bears]] were stories to scare foreigners, but some miles away, a traveller ([[Rincewind]]) was indeed attacked by drop-bears. There are also "places where there's very little time, and times when there's hardly any place." As the [[Trickster]], alias "Scrappy" ([[hoki|Hoki?]], whose name is uncannily similar to that of the eponymous star of the Australian children's television series, "Skippy"), says, "imagine the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, only the piece is a bloody great continent which has got to be turned through about nine dimensions" until it finally slots into place.

XXXX is also called the ''Terror Incognita''. Almost all animals and plants in XXXX are dangerous; when [[Death]] requested a book about the dangerous creatures of XXXX from his library, he was subsequently hit by a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "''Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita''", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the ''harmless'' creatures merely produced a note saying "Some of the sheep". The land is inhospitable because the flora and fauna all hate you and there is never any rain. It is a baking-hot land of red sand. The Ecksians generally dig into the ground to get water. The continent is surrounded by a permanent anticyclone. Even in the direction that people can get their boats out into the ocean, they have to remember not to go too far out, because the [[Rim|edge]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]] is very near.

Known locations include the major city [[Bugarup]] with its [[Bugarup University|magical university]] and the smaller towns of; [[Dijabringabeeralong]], [[Worralorrasurfa]] and [[Cangoolie]].

Since the events of ''The Last Continent'', XXXX has supplied most of the Disc's bar staff. This is due to the climate change, with the rain clouds ending their anti-cyclone around the coast and finally bringing rainfall to the continent. With the sea lanes at last accessible, XXXX has begun to trade with the rest of the disc, and has opened an diplomatic embassy in Ankh-Morpork; [[Flaming Kookaburra, The|The Flaming Kookaburra]]. Ankh-Morpork has reciprocated and established a small embassy in Bugarup, with some [[Arachne|'specialist staff']]. It has also become the destination of choice for citizens of AM that wish to escape the attentions of the Watch. The [[Marquis of Fantailler]] fled there after the minor matter of killing his wife, and the notorious fraudster [[Moist von Lipwig]] considered it as a possible destination until it was explained to him that even that would not be far enough. In {{Sn}} the young aristocrat [[Gravid Rust]] chose to take a nice holiday in XXXX rather than face some vexing questions about a 'minor slaving/kidnaping/smuggling/drug trade he was running. He would have had a nice retirement had he not tragically [[Dark Clerk|fall foul of the dangerous wildlife]].

==Annotations==
'''XXXX''' resembles the Australian continent in a great many ways, quite a few of them subtle. Thus, the full significance of a number of its 'in-jokes' is likely to be missed by non-Australians (e.g. the provenance of the name 'Scrappy' and the significance of his role as a friendly, helpful kangaroo who can communicate in 'kangaroo language'; the annual regatta held in the waterless 'river' using 'boat-shaped boats'; the naming of desserts after opera singers; the armoured character 'Tin-head Ned'; the phenomenon, transvestite aspect, and naming of 'the Galah'; the naming and travels of Darlene and co; the cave wall paintings of hand 'negatives'; the 'backpackers' on the Bugarup docks; Rincewind's easily-doffed footwear; the shape of the Opera House; the chasing of a herd of horses led by a very special 'colt',and the significance of the name 'Snowy' in the scene; the 'drop-bears'; Rincewind's accidental creation of a dire substance which closely resembles Vegemite; the crowds of colourful, talkative little birds; the 'creature' in the waterhole; the prominence of simile in Ecksian slang; etc., all of which, amongst many others, have [[Roundworld]] Australian counterparts in real life, literature or mythology).

The letters XXXX themselves form the name of a famous Australian beer brewed and drunk in the vast, hot, sub-tropical to tropical North-Eastern state of Queensland, whose inhabitants are traditionally regarded by denizens of some other states as being 'backwards'. The time-worn joke about the name of the Queensland-brewed beer is that, "it's spelt XXXX because Queenslanders don't know how to spell BEER". Unlike most authors, TP has got past the well-known and overdone stereotypical Australian icons and really done his homework on Australia, thus gaining a wealth of material to render into the weird, wild and wonderful Discworld continent of XXXX in all its venomous, dessicated glory.

Terror Incognita = ''Terra Incognita'' - the Unknown Lands. This is a term used in cartography for regions that have not been mapped or documented. Often used instead of ''Terra Australis'', the "land of the south", which was a hypothetical continent appearing on European maps from the 15th to the 18th centuries.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Viericks]]

XXXX

2013-03-02T22:46:59Z

Dromandkass:

{{Nation Data
|title= Fourecks
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Purdee Island]], [[Foggy Islands]], [[Mono Island]]

|features= Outback, Mountains, coastline 'girt by sea'

|capital= [[Bugarup]]
|population= Several thousand, humans with a few dwarves
|size= Roughly 3,000,000 sq. miles
|government= Republic, current ruler: Prime Minster
|notablecitizens= [[Mad]], [[Bill Rincewind]], [[Tinhead Ned]], [[Dibbler|Fair Go Dibbler]], [[Rincewind|Rinso]]

|exports= Opals, sheep, wool, beer, bananas, barmen.
|imports= Hard to think of any bloody thing the world could offer Fourecks

|anthem=

|books= {{TLC}}

}}

Pronounced "EcksEcksEcksEcks", or "Fourecks", if and when people on the main continent bother about this mysterious continent of XXXX. It is so named because rumours have long held that a landmass exists in such-and-such a position in the oceans, but no explorers ever made it there to learn its proper name and then come back to tell of it. Old records in the [[Unseen University]] Library tell of two separate expeditions of wizards that attempted to reach the last continent centuries ago, one of which was reputed to have been led by a [[Sourcerer]].

The continent indeed exists. Its people are characterized by an easy-going attitude and an absolute refusal and incomprehension of the phenomenon of rain, until the events chronicled in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]''. The Ecksians have a very colourful language with many complicated colloquialisms. They have learnt to live with the almost exclusively poisonous nature of their flora and fauna.

The continent of XXXX sports a tangled space-time continuum, in which a story to fool foreigners at one location becomes a reality some miles away; for example, on one ranch, the [[Drop bear|drop-bears]] were stories to scare foreigners, but some miles away, a traveller ([[Rincewind]]) was indeed attacked by drop-bears. There are also "places where there's very little time, and times when there's hardly any place." As the [[Trickster]], alias "Scrappy" ([[hoki|Hoki?]], whose name is uncannily similar to that of the eponymous star of the Australian children's television series, "Skippy"), says, "imagine the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, only the piece is a bloody great continent which has got to be turned through about nine dimensions" until it finally slots into place.

XXXX is also called the ''Terror Incognita''. Almost all animals and plants in XXXX are dangerous; when [[Death]] requested a book about the dangerous creatures of XXXX from his library, he was subsequently hit by a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "''Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita''", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the ''harmless'' creatures merely produced a note saying "Some of the sheep". The land is inhospitable because the flora and fauna all hate you and there is never any rain. It is a baking-hot land of red sand. The Ecksians generally dig into the ground to get water. The continent is surrounded by a permanent anticyclone. Even in the direction that people can get their boats out into the ocean, they have to remember not to go too far out, because the [[Rim|edge]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]] is very near.

Known locations include the major city [[Bugarup]] with its [[Bugarup University|magical university]] and the smaller towns of; [[Dijabringabeeralong]], [[Worralorrasurfa]] and [[Cangoolie]].

Since the events of ''The Last Continent'', XXXX has supplied most of the Disc's bar staff. This is due to the climate change, with the rain clouds ending their anti-cyclone around the coast and finally bringing rainfall to the continent. With the sea lanes at last accessible, XXXX has begun to trade with the rest of the disc, and has opened an diplomatic embassy in Ankh-Morpork; [[Flaming Kookaburra, The|The Flaming Kookaburra]]. Ankh-Morpork has reciprocated and established a small embassy in Bugarup, with some [[Arachne|'specialist staff']]. It has also become the destination of choice for citizens of AM that wish to escape the attentions of the Watch. The [[Marquis of Fantailler]] fled there after the minor matter of killing his wife, and the notorious fraudster [[Moist von Lipwig]] considered it as a possible destination until it was explained to him that even that would not be far enough. In {{Sn}} the young aristocrat [[Gravid Rust]] chose to take a nice holiday in XXXX rather than face some vexing questions about a 'minor slaving/kidnaping/smuggling/drug trade he was running. He would have had a nice retirement has he not [[Dark Clerk|fall foul of the dangerous wildlife]].

==Annotations==
'''XXXX''' resembles the Australian continent in a great many ways, quite a few of them subtle. Thus, the full significance of a number of its 'in-jokes' is likely to be missed by non-Australians (e.g. the provenance of the name 'Scrappy' and the significance of his role as a friendly, helpful kangaroo who can communicate in 'kangaroo language'; the annual regatta held in the waterless 'river' using 'boat-shaped boats'; the naming of desserts after opera singers; the armoured character 'Tin-head Ned'; the phenomenon, transvestite aspect, and naming of 'the Galah'; the naming and travels of Darlene and co; the cave wall paintings of hand 'negatives'; the 'backpackers' on the Bugarup docks; Rincewind's easily-doffed footwear; the shape of the Opera House; the chasing of a herd of horses led by a very special 'colt',and the significance of the name 'Snowy' in the scene; the 'drop-bears'; Rincewind's accidental creation of a dire substance which closely resembles Vegemite; the crowds of colourful, talkative little birds; the 'creature' in the waterhole; the prominence of simile in Ecksian slang; etc., all of which, amongst many others, have [[Roundworld]] Australian counterparts in real life, literature or mythology).

The letters XXXX themselves form the name of a famous Australian beer brewed and drunk in the vast, hot, sub-tropical to tropical North-Eastern state of Queensland, whose inhabitants are traditionally regarded by denizens of some other states as being 'backwards'. The time-worn joke about the name of the Queensland-brewed beer is that, "it's spelt XXXX because Queenslanders don't know how to spell BEER". Unlike most authors, TP has got past the well-known and overdone stereotypical Australian icons and really done his homework on Australia, thus gaining a wealth of material to render into the weird, wild and wonderful Discworld continent of XXXX in all its venomous, dessicated glory.

Terror Incognita = ''Terra Incognita'' - the Unknown Lands. This is a term used in cartography for regions that have not been mapped or documented. Often used instead of ''Terra Australis'', the "land of the south", which was a hypothetical continent appearing on European maps from the 15th to the 18th centuries.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Viericks]]

XXXX

2013-03-02T22:31:01Z

Dromandkass:

{{Nation Data
|title= Fourecks
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Purdee Island]], [[Foggy Islands]], [[Mono Island]]

|features= Outback, Mountains, coastline 'girt by sea'

|capital= [[Bugarup]]
|population= Several thousand, humans with a few dwarves
|size= Roughly 3,000,000 sq. miles
|government= Republic, current ruler: Prime Minster
|notablecitizens= [[Mad]], [[Bill Rincewind]], [[Tinhead Ned]], [[Dibbler|Fair Go Dibbler]], [[Rincewind|Rinso]]

|exports= Opals, sheep, wool, beer, bananas, barmen.
|imports= Hard to think of any bloody thing the world could offer Fourecks

|anthem=

|books= {{TLC}}

}}

Pronounced "EcksEcksEcksEcks", or "Fourecks", if and when people on the main continent bother about this mysterious continent of XXXX. It is so named because rumours have long held that a landmass exists in such-and-such a position in the oceans, but no explorers ever made it there to learn its proper name and then come back to tell of it. Old records in the [[Unseen University]] Library tell of two separate expeditions of wizards that attempted to reach the last continent centuries ago, one of which was reputed to have been led by a [[Sourcerer]].

The continent indeed exists. Its people are characterized by an easy-going attitude and an absolute refusal and incomprehension of the phenomenon of rain, until the events chronicled in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]''. The Ecksians have a very colourful language with many complicated colloquialisms. They have learnt to live with the almost exclusively poisonous nature of their flora and fauna.

The continent of XXXX sports a tangled space-time continuum, in which a story to fool foreigners at one location becomes a reality some miles away; for example, on one ranch, the [[Drop bear|drop-bears]] were stories to scare foreigners, but some miles away, a traveller ([[Rincewind]]) was indeed attacked by drop-bears. There are also "places where there's very little time, and times when there's hardly any place." As the [[Trickster]], alias "Scrappy" ([[hoki|Hoki?]], whose name is uncannily similar to that of the eponymous star of the Australian children's television series, "Skippy"), says, "imagine the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, only the piece is a bloody great continent which has got to be turned through about nine dimensions" until it finally slots into place.

XXXX is also called the ''Terror Incognita''. Almost all animals and plants in XXXX are dangerous; when [[Death]] requested a book about the dangerous creatures of XXXX from his library, he was subsequently hit by a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "''Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita''", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the ''harmless'' creatures merely produced a note saying "Some of the sheep". The land is inhospitable because the flora and fauna all hate you and there is never any rain. It is a baking-hot land of red sand. The Ecksians generally dig into the ground to get water. The continent is surrounded by a permanent anticyclone. Even in the direction that people can get their boats out into the ocean, they have to remember not to go too far out, because the [[Rim|edge]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]] is very near.

Known locations include the major city [[Bugarup]] with its [[Bugarup University|magical university]] and the smaller towns of; [[Dijabringabeeralong]], [[Worralorrasurfa]] and [[Cangoolie]].

Since the events of ''The Last Continent'', XXXX has supplied most of the Disc's bar staff. This is due to the climate change, with the rain clouds ending their anti-cyclone around the coast and finally bringing rainfall to the continent. With the sea lanes at last accessible, XXXX has begun to trade with the rest of the disc, and has opened an diplomatic embassy in Ankh-Morpork; [[Flaming Kookaburra, The|The Flaming Kookaburra]]. Ankh-Morpork has reciprocated and established a small embassy in Bugarup, with some [[Arachne|'specialist staff']]. It has also become the destination of choice for citizens of AM that wish to escape the attentions of the Watch. The [[Marquis of Fantailler]] fled their after the minor matter of killing his wife, and the notorious fraudster [[Moist von Lipwig]] considered it as a possible destination until it was explained to him that even that would not be far enough.

==Annotations==
'''XXXX''' resembles the Australian continent in a great many ways, quite a few of them subtle. Thus, the full significance of a number of its 'in-jokes' is likely to be missed by non-Australians (e.g. the provenance of the name 'Scrappy' and the significance of his role as a friendly, helpful kangaroo who can communicate in 'kangaroo language'; the annual regatta held in the waterless 'river' using 'boat-shaped boats'; the naming of desserts after opera singers; the armoured character 'Tin-head Ned'; the phenomenon, transvestite aspect, and naming of 'the Galah'; the naming and travels of Darlene and co; the cave wall paintings of hand 'negatives'; the 'backpackers' on the Bugarup docks; Rincewind's easily-doffed footwear; the shape of the Opera House; the chasing of a herd of horses led by a very special 'colt',and the significance of the name 'Snowy' in the scene; the 'drop-bears'; Rincewind's accidental creation of a dire substance which closely resembles Vegemite; the crowds of colourful, talkative little birds; the 'creature' in the waterhole; the prominence of simile in Ecksian slang; etc., all of which, amongst many others, have [[Roundworld]] Australian counterparts in real life, literature or mythology).

The letters XXXX themselves form the name of a famous Australian beer brewed and drunk in the vast, hot, sub-tropical to tropical North-Eastern state of Queensland, whose inhabitants are traditionally regarded by denizens of some other states as being 'backwards'. The time-worn joke about the name of the Queensland-brewed beer is that, "it's spelt XXXX because Queenslanders don't know how to spell BEER". Unlike most authors, TP has got past the well-known and overdone stereotypical Australian icons and really done his homework on Australia, thus gaining a wealth of material to render into the weird, wild and wonderful Discworld continent of XXXX in all its venomous, dessicated glory.

Terror Incognita = ''Terra Incognita'' - the Unknown Lands. This is a term used in cartography for regions that have not been mapped or documented. Often used instead of ''Terra Australis'', the "land of the south", which was a hypothetical continent appearing on European maps from the 15th to the 18th centuries.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Viericks]]

Beggars' Guild

2013-03-02T22:21:02Z

Dromandkass: /* Beggar Classes */

Motto: ''MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER?'' (''Spare change, guv'nor?'')

Coat of Arms: a shield quartered. In the top quartered, three dragons, courant et or, on a field, gules. In the bottom-left quarter a dragon, gardant et or on a field, gules. In the top-left and bottom-right quarters a pattern of cal traps, argent, on a field, azure. Some visitors to the city have questioned the shield saying 'what a load of dragons got to do with beggars?' This misses the point, as it is in fact a second-hand coat of arms. In fact most visitors don't ask this. The two most common questions by visitors is 'Why don't I have any money left?' and 'Um...which way to...um...you know...the 'ladies'?

Current leader: [[Queen Molly]].

The oldest Guild in [[Ankh-Morpork]] and one of the more powerful, topped with a weather vane shaped like a beggar with his tin cup to the wind. The Beggars control the different sorts of beggars allowed to operate and how many of them in each area of the city. Divisions include Dribblers, Mumblers, Mutterers, Walking-Along-Shouters and [[Foul Ole Ron]], during his tenure at the Guild generally considered to be in a class of his own, if only because no one will share it with him. A certain amount of leeway would be given to, say, a Mumbler who risked the occasional Mutter, but no Mutterer would dare attempt Walking-Along-Shouting, on pain of pain. Enforcers of these rules are unknown.

The president of the Beggars' Guild is called Queen or King and wears the traditional velvet gown. He or she often finds life difficult because, due to the high rank, he/she will have to beg for something extravagant, and very few people are prepared to lend a 16-room mansion (see the coronation, in ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''). The Beggars' Guild has a guildhouse, like many other guilds. The true spirit of beggary is to always beg, never pay money or render services of any sort, for anything (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Members found buying things with money, running errands for people, and so on will be punished. Due to this, the Beggars' Guild is actually among the richest guilds in the city as they believe money is to be begged for not to be spent. A lot of the money has hoverer, been invested in property across the city via a series of agents and shell companies. Many of the richer citizens would be shocked to learn who they rent their well-to-do houses from. It is always a bad idea to kick a beggar in Ankh-Morpork, as karma can come round very swiftly, with the bailiffs.

Like the [[Thieves' Guild]], the Beggars offer a form of [[Inn-Sewer-Ants|insurance]] as well as the opportunity for direct charity. For a small fee, they can guarantee that no aggressive, unsightly, evil-smelling members will show up at your convention, daughter's wedding, or other special occasion. If you fail to take this simple precaution, you would be amazed at the number of beggars with 'interesting skin conditions' and infections boils who will show up and start socialising with your guests.

The beggars guild runs a highly efficient intelligence service. Beggars are found across the city, often overlooked and ignored, but they see and hear everything. This knowledge can he sold to the highest bidder, who in many cases turns out to be the [[Havelock Vetinari|Patrician]]. They can also locate people in the chaos that is the city, as [[Heretofore]] is able to use the beggard's guild to find [[Cribbins]] for his master [[Cosmo Lavish]].

[[Foul Ole Ron]] and several other [[Canting Crew|beggars]] in his group used to be members in good standing in the Beggars' Guild. They are no longer members of the Guild because, perhaps, other members of the Guild would like somebody to look down on (see ''[[Book:The Truth|The Truth]]''). Foul Ole Ron's group has been, and may still be, the street salesmen of the [[Ankh-Morpork Times]] newspaper. If the rule about true beggary is to be adhered to, this behavior disqualifies Foul Ole Ron and his friends from the Beggars' Guild.

==Beggar Classes==

*Twitchers
*Droolers
*Dribblers
*Mumblers
*Mutterers
*Walk-Along-Shouter
*Demanders of a Chip
*People who call other people Jimmy
*People who need Tuppence for a cup of tea
*People who need eight pence for a meal
*People with a placard saying 'Why lie? I need a beer.
*Beggar Lord
*Beggar King/Queen

*In a class by themselves; the [[Canting Crew]]

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

Beggars' Guild

2013-03-02T22:20:14Z

Dromandkass:

Motto: ''MONETA SVPERVACANEA, MAGISTER?'' (''Spare change, guv'nor?'')

Coat of Arms: a shield quartered. In the top quartered, three dragons, courant et or, on a field, gules. In the bottom-left quarter a dragon, gardant et or on a field, gules. In the top-left and bottom-right quarters a pattern of cal traps, argent, on a field, azure. Some visitors to the city have questioned the shield saying 'what a load of dragons got to do with beggars?' This misses the point, as it is in fact a second-hand coat of arms. In fact most visitors don't ask this. The two most common questions by visitors is 'Why don't I have any money left?' and 'Um...which way to...um...you know...the 'ladies'?

Current leader: [[Queen Molly]].

The oldest Guild in [[Ankh-Morpork]] and one of the more powerful, topped with a weather vane shaped like a beggar with his tin cup to the wind. The Beggars control the different sorts of beggars allowed to operate and how many of them in each area of the city. Divisions include Dribblers, Mumblers, Mutterers, Walking-Along-Shouters and [[Foul Ole Ron]], during his tenure at the Guild generally considered to be in a class of his own, if only because no one will share it with him. A certain amount of leeway would be given to, say, a Mumbler who risked the occasional Mutter, but no Mutterer would dare attempt Walking-Along-Shouting, on pain of pain. Enforcers of these rules are unknown.

The president of the Beggars' Guild is called Queen or King and wears the traditional velvet gown. He or she often finds life difficult because, due to the high rank, he/she will have to beg for something extravagant, and very few people are prepared to lend a 16-room mansion (see the coronation, in ''[[Book:Guards! Guards!|Guards! Guards!]]''). The Beggars' Guild has a guildhouse, like many other guilds. The true spirit of beggary is to always beg, never pay money or render services of any sort, for anything (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). Members found buying things with money, running errands for people, and so on will be punished. Due to this, the Beggars' Guild is actually among the richest guilds in the city as they believe money is to be begged for not to be spent. A lot of the money has hoverer, been invested in property across the city via a series of agents and shell companies. Many of the richer citizens would be shocked to learn who they rent their well-to-do houses from. It is always a bad idea to kick a beggar in Ankh-Morpork, as karma can come round very swiftly, with the bailiffs.

Like the [[Thieves' Guild]], the Beggars offer a form of [[Inn-Sewer-Ants|insurance]] as well as the opportunity for direct charity. For a small fee, they can guarantee that no aggressive, unsightly, evil-smelling members will show up at your convention, daughter's wedding, or other special occasion. If you fail to take this simple precaution, you would be amazed at the number of beggars with 'interesting skin conditions' and infections boils who will show up and start socialising with your guests.

The beggars guild runs a highly efficient intelligence service. Beggars are found across the city, often overlooked and ignored, but they see and hear everything. This knowledge can he sold to the highest bidder, who in many cases turns out to be the [[Havelock Vetinari|Patrician]]. They can also locate people in the chaos that is the city, as [[Heretofore]] is able to use the beggard's guild to find [[Cribbins]] for his master [[Cosmo Lavish]].

[[Foul Ole Ron]] and several other [[Canting Crew|beggars]] in his group used to be members in good standing in the Beggars' Guild. They are no longer members of the Guild because, perhaps, other members of the Guild would like somebody to look down on (see ''[[Book:The Truth|The Truth]]''). Foul Ole Ron's group has been, and may still be, the street salesmen of the [[Ankh-Morpork Times]] newspaper. If the rule about true beggary is to be adhered to, this behavior disqualifies Foul Ole Ron and his friends from the Beggars' Guild.

==Beggar Classes==

*Twitchers
*Droolers
*Dribblers
*Mumblers
*Mutterers
*Walk-Along-Shouter
*Demanders of a Chip
*People who call other people Jimmy
*People who need Tuppence for a cup of tea
*People who need eight pence for a meal
*People with a placard saying 'Why lie? I need a beer.
*Beggar Lord
*Beggar King/Queen

*In a class by themselves; the [[Canting Crew]]

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Bettlergilde]]

Ponder Stibbons

2013-03-02T00:02:40Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title= Ponder Stibbons
|photo= Pond2.jpg|''© Paul Kidby''
|name= Ponder Stibbons
|age= 24 in {{TLC}}
|race= [[:Category:Human characters|Human]]
|occupation= [[:Category:Wizards|Wizard]]
|appearance= Young (although he has found some grey hairs recently), beardless, bespectacled
|residence= [[Unseen University]]
|death=
|parents=
|relatives= It was revealed in {{TLC}} that he was raised by his aunt.
|children=
|marital status= Never married but may have had a holiday romance of the shuffling and slightly embarrassed "''...errrm....''" kind with [[Lucy Tockley|Diamanda]] while on study-leave in [[Lancre]]
|books= {{MP}} {{LL}} {{IT}} {{H}} {{TLC}} {{TLH}} {{UA}} {{SOD1}} {{SOD2}} {{SOD3}} {{UA}}
|cameos= {{NW}} {{GP}} {{MM}}
}}

'''Ponder Stibbons, HEM, DThau, Reader in Non-Volatile Intelligence, Cantoride Speaker in [[Slood]] Refurgance.''' Ponder Stibbons was once the second-most junior member of the [[Faculty]] of [[Unseen University]], with an absolutely overwhelming interest in the more theoretical branches of applied magic. His senior fellows ignore his researches until circumstances force them upon their notice, whereupon Stibbons does rather over-react.

When he gets the full attention of the fellow wizards he usually completely fails in explaining the topic. Maybe he is unable to verbalise his complex thoughts. On the other hand this may be because it is rather hard to explain quantum physics to someone with the attention span of a 4-year-old. Ponder Stibbons is quite popular with the younger students. He is the Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic and Project Co-ordinator for pretty much all the research projects happening at UU.

Ponder Stibbons can usually be found in the [[High Energy Magic Building]] where he spends his time fiddling with the fabrics of time and space. He also finds it quite convenient that the senior fellows avoid going there. He is the creator, (instigator? bemused attendant(?),) of the University's super-computer [[Hex]] which is also located in the High-Energy Magic Building.

His first appearance is in {{MP}} where he is a student at the Unseen University. His ascension to the [[faculty]] is a result of knocking over a bottle of ink on his final exam and taking the absent [[Victor Tugelbend]]'s instead - an exam that happened to contain only the question "''What is your name?''" One wonders if he's ever thanked Victor for the record test score of 100%.

When he reappeared in {{LL}} he had become a member of the faculty as [[Reader in Invisible Writings]], investigating the ''in potentia'' books in [[L-space]]. He is now also Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic, in charge of developing all kinds of equipment and heading research activities in the High Energy Magic Building ({{TLH}}) and Praelector. Shortly before the events of {{UA}} he also acquires the title Master of The Traditions; he now holds twelve positions at the university, thus giving him twelve votes on the college council, which he effectively controls as he is a majority all by himself.

It's possible that his unusually high work ethic for a wizard stems from a guilt need to ''be'' as clever as they all think he is - it could also come from the fact that every time he tried to go out during {{MP}} he had a spate of very bad luck, culminating in a Thing from the [[Dungeon Dimensions]] falling on him.

Following the events of ''Lords and Ladies'', Ponder excitedly asks [[Mustrum Ridcully]] for permission to stay on in [[Lancre]], ostensibly to carry out field-study on [[the Dancers]] and their "''iron-loving''" properties. Ridcully, who has noticed a certain understanding growing up between Stibbons and [[Lucy Tockley|Diamanda]], and who in this respect is older and wiser, sighs and grants the request. When [[Esmerelda Weatherwax]] raises an eyebrow, Ridcully's response, (thinking of a long-gone summer when a younger wizard unsuccessfully pursued a ''much'' younger witch,) is; "''well, I couldn't say no, could I?''" To which Granny Weatherwax shrugs noncommittally and, (thinking of a long-gone summer when a younger witch ran too fast for a ''much'' younger wizard to keep up with her,) replies; "''it may come to something, or it may come to nothing''."

As Ponder was evidently back at [[Unseen University]] in time for the start of the next term, we have to surmise it was a summer holiday romance. However, this does not preclude the possibility that in sixty years' time, Archchancellor Stibbons might be ruefully remembering a summer and a girl...

Among his more ambitious projects are:
* The [[Discworld (world)|Discworld's]] theory of evolution
* The splitting of the [[thaum]] into its constituent [[Resons|resons]]
* The creation of a small area in which magic doesn't work and that doesn't run on [[Narrativium]] - the [[Roundworld]] project
* The [[Cabinet of Curiosity]]

==Annotation==
Ponder (which means 'think about deeply', 'muse' in English) has grown over the series from an unambitious young man, into one of the most dynamic thinkers on the Disc, and a polymath to whom the wizards often turn "''as one''" whenever some concept or event crops up that they don't understand. He seems to combine a number of [[Roundworld]] historical characters in one insightful and investigative persona. He complains, to the [[Librarian]] and [[Jason Ogg]] in {{LL}}, with "''the agonized expression of a man who has the whole great whirring machinery of the Universe to dismantle and only a bent paper clip to do it with:''"

"''Rocks! Why am I messing around with lumps of stone? When did they ever tell anyone anything? You know, sir, sometimes I think there's a great ocean of truth out there and I'm just sitting on the beach playing with...with stones.''"

This is a direct parody of Sir Isaac Newton, quite probably the greatest Roundworld thinker on natural truths that ever there was, who said: "''I don’t know what I may seem to the world, but as to myself, I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay undiscovered all before me.''"

Which either means that Terry has written Ponder as greater than he initially comes across, or that two similarly inquisitive minds have both been struck by the terrible thought that the entire universe is empirically knowable and understandable, quantifiable by immutable laws but that the current state of art/science/knowledge/technomancy is not enough for us to actually discover those laws. This is the heartache of all who truly ''ponder'' (hah!) on the Great Mysteries. For those of us who don't, of course, it's quite enough that we know how to make beer and kebabs - or at least that somebody does, and that we are at liberty to partake of them.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Stibbons, Ponder]]
[[Category:Serial characters|Stibbons, Ponder]]
[[Category:Human characters|Stibbons, Ponder]]
[[Category:Wizards|Stibbons, Ponder]]
[[Category:Supporting characters|Stibbons, Ponder]]
[[de:Ponder Stibbons]]

Librarian

2013-03-01T23:56:13Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title= The Librarian
|photo=librarianmine.jpg|The Librarian by [[user:darkplush|Kit Cox]]
|name= Unknown, presumed "[[Horace Worblehat]]"
|age= Unknown
|race= {{wp|Orang-utan|Orang-utan}}, originally [[Humans|Human]]

|occupation= Librarian of the [[Unseen University]]
|appearance= About 300lb, very long arms, reddish-brown hair (all over).

|residence= [[Library|The Library of the Unseen University]]

|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status= Single

|books={{TLF}}, {{ER}}, {{S}}, {{G!G!}}, {{E}}, {{RM}}, {{MAA}}, {{SM}}, {{IT}}, {{M!!!}}, {{TLC}}, {{TLH}}, {{SOD1}}, {{SOD2}}, {{SOD3}}, {{UA}}
|cameos={{M}}, {{WS}}, {{SG}},{{J}}, {{LL}}, {{GP}}, {{MM}}, {{T!}} {{H}}, {{NW}}, {{MP}},
}}
The '''Librarian''' of [[Unseen University]] [[Library]], where many magical events precipitate. He has the following UU awards; DThau & Professor in L-Space Studies.

==Biography==
The Librarian is a faculty member, and so he must have once been a human wizard. A strong wave of [[magic]], altering reality, transformed the Librarian into an orang-utan; at that time, his colleagues still remembered how he looked as a human ({{TLF}}). Back then, wizards were much too busy to help him get back to his original human form (although there is no record of his asking for help, either). After things settled down, the Librarian's colleagues found that he liked being an orang-utan, and fought all efforts to transform him back to human. The Librarian found out that opposable toes come in very handy when climbing up the book-shelves and sorting books. Also, a very large and strong orang-utan has more plausible arguments when talking about dog-ears and overrun return deadlines. Although the senior wizards looked very hard for one, there are no rules in the university constitution forbidding an orang-utan to be a member of the college council.

In appearance he has the rubber-sack-filled-with-water look of a well grown, 300lb male. He has not, however, developed the overlarge cheek pads that are a feature of the dominant male orang-utan, and this is because, as an ex-officio member of the University [[Faculty|faculty]] he quite rightly regards the [[Archchancellor]] as the dominant male, even though most Archchancellors do not sit high up in trees with leaves on their heads.

Very soon, people forgot how the Librarian looked as a human, or what his given name was (though the latter is true for most other faculty members as well). This was helped along by the Librarian methodically removing, defacing or otherwise altering any and all photographs and records of his name in the University files. It is rumoured that the Librarian was once Dr [[Horace Worblehat]], but no one utters this out loud. We do know however that he was born in [[Moon Pond Lane]], [[Ankh-Morpork]]. Nowadays, only people very new to the University or Ankh-Morpork will find themselves surprised that there is an orang-utan in a University Library, or in a [[The Mended Drum|pub]]. Indeed, if someone were to point out that there is an orang-utan in the library, the wizards would probably ask the librarian if he had seen it.

All the Librarian ever utters is 'ook' or 'eek', but by now the wizards, and especially [[Rincewind]], are so used to this that they understand the Librarian perfectly. They can even translate the merest 'ook' into full-fledged literary English sentences.

The Librarian is a member of the Librarians of Time and Space, and has the understanding of the power of [[L-Space]], and has used these powers to appear at [[Library of Ephebe|certain times]] to ensure the safety of particular books, bringing them home to his precious Library at UU.

During the events of ''[[The Last Continent]]'', the Librarian's morphic field became highly unstable whilst he was suffering a severe cold. This instability manifested as a tendency, each time he sneezed, to transform into whatever shape best suited his immediate surroundings, e.g. a book ("The Story Of Ook"), a deck chair, a large penguin, a dolphin. Perhaps because his usual and preferred form as an orang-utan so suits his deeper nature, all such alternative shapes retained his luxurious coat of long red hair.

==Character==
When worried, the Librarian tends to hide under a blanket in his book-lined nest in a cubby hole under a desk in the middle of the library. He is generally naked but he does wear an old green robe after he has had a bath. He is also a [[Specials|Special Constable]] of the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch]]. In his spare time he visits the pub, leaving a trail of peanut shells behind. Now and again he hops over the wall into the [[Patrician]]'s Palace [[Menagerie]] by night and is said to emerge the next morning looking exremely refreshed and relaxed. It is unclear as to what he actually ''does'' in there, as the Menagierie houses no orang-utans of either sex.

Despite his usually easy going nature, it should be noted that the Librarian is an [[ape]] rather than a [[monkey]] and is extremely eager to correct people on the subject in uncharacteristically violent ways. He can also become physically assertive when enforcing the prohibition against open flame inside the University's library, or when otherwise acting in defense of his literary charges. Tending to books, the Librarian displays an excellent bedside manner, gently stroking distressed or damaged texts to soothe them as he conducts repairs.

The Librarian appears in almost every Discworld book, and is the source for the constant engagement of Terry Pratchett and his fans for the orang-utan foundation.

Nicholas Tennant played The Librarian (as well as [[Horace Worblehat|Dr. Horace Worblehat]]) in the TV adaption of {{TCOM}}. He also played [[Nobby Nobbs]] in the TV adaptation of {{H}}.

== An interesting footnote ==

The collective noun for a group of orang-utans is a ''buffoonery''. There may only be one orang in the University [[Faculty]], yet this is the grouping this orang is forced, by circumstance, to associate with and seek shelter within....

==External Links==
[http://www.orangutan.org The Orang-Utan Foundation] 
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orangutan Orangutan on Wikipedia]

[[Category:Discworld characters|Librarian]]
[[category:Supporting characters|Librarian]]
[[category:Serial characters|Librarian]]
[[Category:Wizards|Librarian]]
[[de:Bibliothekar]]

John Hicks

2013-03-01T23:53:58Z

Dromandkass:

'''Professor John Hicks (Hix)''' Professor in Post-Mortem Communication, DThau, Impissimus Holder of the Silver Skull (third class). Professor Hix is currently the Head of the [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications]] at [[Unseen University]]. Not, it ''must'' be stressed, a [[Necromancy|Necromancer]] - gods, no! No, they just communicate with those, such as Professor [[Flead]] who have passed on to join the great majority. Nothing disturbing about that, eh? What? The fading letters on the door - "NEC..M...."? Just coincidence.

He is also a leading member of the [[Dolly Sisters Players]].

Hicks plays a semi-pivotal role in {{MM}}, helping [[Moist von Lipwig]] and [[Adora Belle Dearheart]] work out how to communicate with the [[Umnian Golems]] through Professor Flead.

A much put-upon [[Wizard]], Hicks has to bribe his post-graduate students into helping him perform an [[Insorcism]] on Flead.

As of {{UA}}, John Hicks spells his name Hix because an evil (by University statute) wizard can't pass up an opportunity to have an x in his name.
It is also revealed he is allowed to act "evil" and break the rules "within college statutes", apparently all this is done in the basis that the [[Archchancellor]] can trust Hix to be untrustworthy.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Hicks, John]]
[[Category:Wizards|Hicks, John]]
[[de:John Hicks]]

Sensibility Bustle

2013-03-01T23:48:26Z

Dromandkass:

Dr Bustle DM, Phil, B.EI L, Patricius Professor of Magic. Dr Bustle was a powerful wizard at [[Unseen University]]. He was an expert on ancient languages and had a very high opinion of himself.

He decided to try to capture a [[Hiver]] as part of his latest dissertation. Unfortunately he succeeded. The Hiver willingly accepted this power and then - as is its wont - took over Dr Bustle and used him to further its own ends. It ended badly, as these things tend to do.

His unfinished dissertation is on display at the Unseen University [[Library]]. Research Students are encouraged to read it and reflect upon the manner of his death, presumably to show them what careless research can lead to. The effects of the Hiver on Bustle's mind is evident as the last few pages as the writing becomes blurred and smudged, filled with grandiose statements filled with paranoia and multiple exclamation marks. The writings suggest that he was opposed by the Archchancellor of the time and that he 'did something' to him. The precise nature of what he did to the Archchancellor is not mentioned.

Centuries later, when the Hiver invaded the body of [[Tiffany Aching]], the ghostly memory of Sensibility Bustle awoke now and again (along with an ancient desert queen who killed ten of her husbands with scorpion sandwiches, giant lizards and sabre-toothed tigers - all the most powerful members of society on the Disc at the time).

When the Hiver was defeated through kindness, and disappeared across the [[The Desert|Desert]], for some reason the memory of Dr Bustle remained with Tiffany, and occasionally stirs to prompt her with erudite information or the translation of obtuse old words.

[[Category:Wizards|Bustle, Sensibility]]
[[Category:Discworld characters|Bustle, Sensibility]]
[[Category:Human characters|Bustle, Sensibility]]

XXXX

2013-03-01T23:32:56Z

Dromandkass:

{{Nation Data
|title= Fourecks
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Purdee Island]], [[Foggy Islands]], [[Mono Island]]

|features= Outback, Mountains

|capital= [[Bugarup]]
|population= Several thousand, humans with a few dwarves
|size= Roughly 3,000,000 sq. miles
|government= Republic, current ruler: Prime Minster
|notablecitizens= [[Mad]], [[Bill Rincewind]], [[Tinhead Ned]], [[Fair Go Dibbler]], [[Rincewind|Rinso]]

|exports= Opals, sheep, wool, beer, bananas, barmen.
|imports= Hard to think of any bloody thing the world could offer Fourecks

|anthem=

|books= {{TLC}}

}}

Pronounced "EcksEcksEcksEcks", or "Fourecks", if and when people on the main continent bother about this mysterious continent of XXXX. It is so named because rumours have long held that a landmass exists in such-and-such a position in the oceans, but no explorers ever made it there to learn its proper name and then come back to tell of it.

The continent indeed exists. Its people are characterized by an easy-going attitude and an absolute refusal and incomprehension of the phenomenon of rain, until the events chronicled in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]''. The Ecksians have a very colourful language with many complicated colloquialisms. They have learnt to live with the almost exclusively poisonous nature of their flora and fauna.

The continent of XXXX sports a tangled space-time continuum, in which a story to fool foreigners at one location becomes a reality some miles away; for example, on one ranch, the [[Drop bear|drop-bears]] were stories to scare foreigners, but some miles away, a traveller ([[Rincewind]]) was indeed attacked by drop-bears. There are also "places where there's very little time, and times when there's hardly any place." As the [[Trickster]], alias "Scrappy" ([[hoki|Hoki?]], whose name is uncannily similar to that of the eponymous star of the Australian children's television series, "Skippy"), says, "imagine the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle, only the piece is a bloody great continent which has got to be turned through about nine dimensions" until it finally slots into place.

XXXX is also called the ''Terror Incognita''. Almost all animals and plants in XXXX are dangerous; when [[Death]] requested a book about the dangerous creatures of XXXX from his library, he was subsequently hit by a large pile of books consisting of the various volumes of "''Dangerous Mammals, Reptiles, Amphibians, Birds, Fish, Jellyfish, Insects, Spiders, Crustaceans, Grasses, Trees, Mosses and Lichens of Terror Incognita''", the total books going up to Volume 29C Part 3, while a request for information about the ''harmless'' creatures merely produced a note saying "Some of the sheep". The land is inhospitable because the flora and fauna all hate you and there is never any rain. It is a baking-hot land of red sand. The Ecksians generally dig into the ground to get water. The continent is surrounded by a permanent anticyclone. Even in the direction that people can get their boats out into the ocean, they have to remember not to go too far out, because the [[Rim|edge]] of the [[Discworld (world)|Discworld]] is very near.

Known locations include the major city [[Bugarup]] with its [[Bugarup University|magical university]] and the smaller towns of; [[Dijabringabeeralong]], [[Worralorrasurfa]] and [[Cangoolie]].

Since the events of ''The Last Continent'', XXXX has supplied most of the Disc's bar staff. This is due to the climate change, with the rain clouds ending their anti-cyclone around the coast and finally brining rainfall to the continent. With the sea lanes at last accessible, XXXX has begun to trade with the rest of the disc, and has opened an diplomatic embassy in Ankh-Morpork; [[Flaming Kookaburra, The|The Flaming Kookaburra]]. Ankh-Morpork has reciprocated and established a small embassy in Bugarup, with some [[Arachne|'specialist staff']]. It has also become the destination of choice for citizens of AM that wish to escape the attentions of the Watch. The [[Marquis of Fantailler]] fled their after the minor matter of killing his wife, and the notorious fraudster [[Moist von Lipwig]] considered it as a possible destination until it was explained to him that even that would not be far enough.

==Annotations==
'''XXXX''' resembles the Australian continent in a great many ways, quite a few of them subtle. Thus, the full significance of a number of its 'in-jokes' is likely to be missed by non-Australians (e.g. the provenance of the name 'Scrappy' and the significance of his role as a friendly, helpful kangaroo who can communicate in 'kangaroo language'; the annual regatta held in the waterless 'river' using 'boat-shaped boats'; the naming of desserts after opera singers; the armoured character 'Tin-head Ned'; the phenomenon, transvestite aspect, and naming of 'the Galah'; the naming and travels of Darlene and co; the cave wall paintings of hand 'negatives'; the 'backpackers' on the Bugarup docks; Rincewind's easily-doffed footwear; the shape of the Opera House; the chasing of a herd of horses led by a very special 'colt',and the significance of the name 'Snowy' in the scene; the 'drop-bears'; Rincewind's accidental creation of a dire substance which closely resembles Vegemite; the crowds of colourful, talkative little birds; the 'creature' in the waterhole; the prominence of simile in Ecksian slang; etc., all of which, amongst many others, have [[Roundworld]] Australian counterparts in real life, literature or mythology).

The letters XXXX themselves form the name of a famous Australian beer brewed and drunk in the vast, hot, sub-tropical to tropical North-Eastern state of Queensland, whose inhabitants are traditionally regarded by denizens of some other states as being 'backwards'. The time-worn joke about the name of the Queensland-brewed beer is that, "it's spelt XXXX because Queenslanders don't know how to spell BEER". Unlike most authors, TP has got past the well-known and overdone stereotypical Australian icons and really done his homework on Australia, thus gaining a wealth of material to render into the weird, wild and wonderful Discworld continent of XXXX in all its venomous, dessicated glory.

Terror Incognita = ''Terra Incognita'' - the Unknown Lands. This is a term used in cartography for regions that have not been mapped or documented. Often used instead of ''Terra Australis'', the "land of the south", which was a hypothetical continent appearing on European maps from the 15th to the 18th centuries.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]
[[de:Viericks]]

Marquis of Fantailler

2013-03-01T23:25:08Z

Dromandkass:

A nobleman of [[Ankh-Morpork]], or perhaps of [[Quirm]], who got into a lot of fights - mostly because his name was the Marquis of Fantailler. Inventor of a list of [[Marquis of Fantailler rules|rules]] on the manly art of pugilism, mostly concerning places you were not allowed to hit him. Following the Marquis of Fantailler's rules is a widely recognized way of committing [[suicide]].

A later (by inference) Marquis1 stabbed his wife to death and tried to evade justice by fleeing to [[XXXX|Fourecks]], and disguising himself by the simple expedient of not using his title. In investigating the case, [[Sam Vimes]] ran up against the entrenched hostility of Ankh-Morpork's nobility who closed ranks and refused to talk, over and above expressing their collective indignation that a member of the nobility was being hounded as if he were a common criminal. Damn the thief-taker Vimes for getting ideas above his station, can't a chap commit ''one'' murder in peace? Besides, it was his wife's fault for having the crass and inconvenient bad taste to let herself die after only one stab! Vimes recollects this investigation in {{SN}}, while pondering the tendency of the nobility to hide behind privilege, and close ranks to protect each other.

1 ''In the Shires, the name is spelled with only one "l", likely just another failure of Morporkian spellynge. 'Snuff' also mentions a "fantailer hat".''

==Annotation==

Roundworld boxing is based on the rules of the Marquess of Queensberry, a name which may or may not have caused the same number of fights.

The murder committed by the Marquis and his flight into self-imposed exile is very reminiscent of the Roundworld case of Lord Lucan. This member of the nobility tried to stab his wife to death one dark night. Incredibly, he got the wrong woman, and murdered his childrens' nanny, then fled in panic. The resultant closed-rank silence of the British nobility in protecting one of their own was not edifying and said a lot about their sense of ingrained privilege and of being above the law. The police claimed to have tried their hardest to crack the case, but may have been deterred by a sense of social expectations - ie, you cannot haul in relatives of royalty and give them the same sort of robust questioning you wouldn't think twice about giving to an Irish bombing suspect or a West Indian or a striking miner. Comment was made about "It was only the nanny, for goodness sake!" and the British nobility made clear they knew perfectly well where Lucan was, but were not going to tell. In 2011, it is beleieved a criminal who fled justice in 1974 (and was covertly helped out by cash handouts from other nobles) died in exile, possibly in Australia or New Zealand.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Fantailler,Marquis of]]
[[Category:Discworld concepts]]
[[de:Marquis von Fantailler]]

Sensibility Bustle

2013-02-27T23:19:37Z

Dromandkass:

Dr Bustle DM, Phil, B.EIL, Patricius Professor of Magic. Dr Bustle was a powerful wizard at [[Unseen University]]. He was an expert on ancient languages and had a very high opinion of himself.

He decided to try to capture a [[Hiver]] as part of his latest dissertation. Unfortunately he succeeded. The Hiver willingly accepted this power and then - as is its wont - took over Dr Bustle and used him to further its own ends. It ended badly, as these things tend to do.

His unfinished dissertation is on display at the Unseen University [[Library]]. Research Students are encouraged to read it and reflect upon the manner of his death, presumably to show them what careless research can lead to. The effects of the Hiver on Bustle's mind is evident as the last few pages as the writing becomes blurred and smudged, filled with grandiose statements filled with paranoia and multiple exclamation marks. The writings suggest that he was opposed by the Archchancellor of the time and that he 'did something' to him. The precise nature of what he did to the Archchancellor is not mentioned.

Centuries later, when the Hiver invaded the body of [[Tiffany Aching]], the ghostly memory of Sensibility Bustle awoke now and again (along with an ancient desert queen who killed ten of her husbands with scorpion sandwiches, giant lizards and sabre-toothed tigers - all the most powerful members of society on the Disc at the time).

When the Hiver was defeated through kindness, and disappeared across the [[The Desert|Desert]], for some reason the memory of Dr Bustle remained with Tiffany, and occasionally stirs to prompt her with erudite information or the translation of obtuse old words.

[[Category:Wizards|Bustle, Sensibility]]
[[Category:Discworld characters|Bustle, Sensibility]]
[[Category:Human characters|Bustle, Sensibility]]

Mustrum Ridcully

2013-02-27T23:17:00Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title= Mustrum Ridcully
|photo=mustrum.jpg|Mustrum Ridcully by [[user:darkplush|Kit Cox]]
|name= Mustrum Ridcully
|age=
|race= [[:Category:Human characters|Human]]
|occupation= [[Archchancellor]] of [[Unseen University]]
|appearance= Large, bearded, physically fit (for a wizard)
|residence= [[Unseen University]], [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|death=
|parents= Mother still alive during {{RM}}
|relatives= brother, [[Hughnon Ridcully]]
|children= none
|marital status= Never Married
|books= {{RM}}, {{LL}}, {{SM}}, {{IT}}, {{H}}, {{TLC}}, {{TLH}}
|cameos= {{MP}}, {{J}}, {{TT}}, {{MAA}}, {{NW}}, {{GP}}, {{T!}}, {{MM}} {{UA}}

}} '''Mustrum Ridcully (the Brown)''' is the current [[Archchancellor]] of [[Unseen University]]. He holds the following UU degrees and honours: DThau, DM, BS, DMn, DG, DD, DMPhil, DMS, DCM, DW & BElL. Before becoming the Archchancellor he had been away from the University for almost 40 years living in the countryside in the [[Ramtops]]. He had relatives near [[Bad Ass]], where he was the one-time romantic interest of [[Granny Weatherwax| Esme Weatherwax]].

A [[wizard's magic|wizard]] of the 7th level by the age of 27. He rejoined the Unseen University when it was thought that he would only last for just long enough for the Wizards of the Unseen University to take a break from all the changes in Archchancellor that result from several hundred wizards all wanting the top spot at the university, and all being willing to use any means necessary to get it. The wizards thought they would be getting the sort of countryside wizard who talks to birds in soft voices, wears brown and reveres mother nature (y'know, a push over).

What they got was someone who shoots birds (and anything else), talks at a consistent shout, wears jogging suits and has about as much respect for mother nature as he does for the members of the faculty (which is not a lot). Early attempts to bump off Ridcully resulted in the ambitious Wizard being stabbed with his own knife, having his head repeatedly slammed in doors or being surreptitiously shot with a crossbow. As a result, any upwardly mobile wizards are now less upright, immobile and enjoying the huge dinners and lack of effort that comes with a stable hierarchy.

As a leader, Ridcully is completely closed off to any new ideas and refuses to listen to anyone whose problems take more than a minute to explain. He reasons that if someone is still trying to explain it after a few minutes, it's probably just about important enough to warrant some attention. He is simple, in that his mind is very hard to change, but he is by no means stupid, and he knows Wizardry inside out, and back to front. It's just all these new "[[Uncertainty Principle|uncertainty principles]]" and other strange ideas from the younger wizards that he can't, or refuses to, understand. In fact, that is just as well, because the younger wizards don't understand it, either; what they do is speculate very extensively.

There is a downside though. Ridcully seems to think that all everybody needs is some good exercise, to get up at the crack of dawn and a team spirit. To that end, he organises paintball matches between faculties and encourages wizards to get some exercise, such as running round the octangle a few hundred times. The wizards do not like this one bit, but they seem to be able to avoid it. The only wizard who manages to get in the way of Ridcully's high spirits is the [[Bursar]], a quiet Wizard who enjoys numbers and not much else. Ridcully seems to think that what he really needs is lightening up, and tries to do this by jumping out from behind doors and screaming at him. The Bursar's already fragile sanity has since snapped.

He has played a prominent role in preventing many of the larger disasters (usually of a trans-dimensional or magical nature) that have threatened the Disc since he became Archchancellor. Although brash and loud and seemingly unable to listen, he is nevertheless capable of extreme erudition and insight, and occasionally displays formidable magical prowess. He often sees through [[Ponder Stibbons]]' cleverness and - whilst being defiantly boneheaded about things until they are important enough for him to bother understanding - he can cut to the bone of an idea incisively and often winks at people (Ponder, [[Susan Sto-Helit|Susan]] etc) to show that he knows far more than he tells.

His [[Mustrum Ridcully's Hat|hat]] is a work of wonder, and his bed is not far off. This bed and a half is 8 posted containing a small bar, library and privy.

In his youth he rowed for the university for 5 years and was awarded a [[University Brown]].

His brother [[Hughnon Ridcully]] is the high priest of [[Blind Io]] in [[Ankh-Morpork]].

Ridcully is introduced in [[Moving Pictures]] as a countrified, squirearchical wizard (read: homicidal crossbow-wielding maniac) who had spent his time managing his family's estates. In [[Unseen Academicals]], however, we learn that his father was an Ankh-Morpork butcher, and ''his'' father was a prizefighter, from which one may deduce that there is an untold story in the background, involving a high-born lady running off with a 'bit of rough' from the Big Wahoonie. Ridcully's mother, incidentally, was still alive as at the events of {{RM}}, when he was chided by his brother for not writing to her.

The Ridcully family appear to have had a long association with Ankh-Morpork: the [[Annotated Directory of Streets, Alleys, Roads Lanes and Yards of Ankh-Morpork]] and its associated street map ({{CAM}}) lists an Ephram Ridcully Street* (A6-B6) leading from Farnicle Lane*(A6) to Saddlesore Road*(B6). Farnicle Lane connects to [[Snapcase Street]] and [[Endless Street]], while Saddlesore Road leads to the [[Edgeway Road]]].

==Titles==
Mustrum Ridcully is ''D.Thau., D.M., D.S., D.Mn., D.G., D.D., D.C.L., D.M. Phil., D.M.S., D.C.M., D.W., B.El.L.'' and Archchancellor.

A short explanation on [[Unseen University|UU]] courses is available [[UU degrees|here]].

==Annotation==

Another famous 'Brown wizard' was {{wp|Radagast_the_Brown|Radagast the Brown}} from Tolkien's ''The Lord of the Rings'', who wears brown and has especially good relations to birds.

[[Category:Discworld characters|Ridcully, Mustrum]]
[[Category:Serial characters|Ridcully, Mustrum]]
[[Category:Supporting characters|Ridcully, Mustrum]]
[[Category:Human characters|Ridcully, Mustrum]]
[[Category:Wizards|Ridcully, Mustrum]]
[[de:Mustrum Ridcully]]

Unseen University

2013-02-27T23:12:05Z

Dromandkass: /* Flora and Fauna */

{{Building Data
|photo=UU01.png|coat of arms|100px|
|name= Unseen University
|location= [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|owner=
|apperance=
|residents= [[Wizards]]
|use= University
|built= 1282 AM ([[1 UC]])
|founded by= [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]]
|demolished=
|books= {{TCOM}} {{TLF}} {{ER}} {{M}} {{S}} {{E}} {{MP}} {{RM}} {{SM}} {{IT}} {{H}} {{TLC}} {{TT}} {{TOT}} {{GP}} {{UA}}
|notes= Motto: ''NVNC ID VIDES, NVNC NE VIDES'' (now you see it, now you don't)
}}

''"Unseen University, home of the greatest wizards on the Discworld. And one or two of the worst."''

The '''Unseen University''' (UU) is a school for [[Wizards|wizards]] located in [[Ankh-Morpork]]. It was founded in the year 1282 AM ([[1 UC]]) by [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]].

==The Place==
The Unseen University has gates of [[octiron]], and single-minded [[Bledlows]] to perform the Ceremony of the Keys every night. The University has an octagonal lawn, roses, other plants, and compost heaps tended by Mr. [[Modo]], the university's dwarf gardener. The buildings are of ancient stone, and contain many dark, winding corridors and small rooms, far more than the size of the grounds should allow. The unusual architecture of the building suggests that the top storeys and roof were built before the ground floors. Inside the University is the [[Great Hall]], where the Wizard's four main meals of the day are eaten. Also noteworthy are the hundreds of paintings and busts of former [[Archchancellor|Archchancellors]] that line the vestibule just outside the Great Hall. Other notable features are the [[Uncommon Room]], the staffroom of the Faculty (see below); the gymnasium (which is for students to practise spelling, not exercise, and - as such - is lined and protected ''very'' powerfully); the [[Emperor]] candle and the [[Tesseractical Floor|Tesseractical floor]].

The grounds are enclosed in brick walls, but there are some places where bricks can be removed to offer convenient footholds for young and reasonably athletic students to climb over. The more famous buildings are: The [[Tower of Art]], the [[Library]], and the [[High Energy Magic Building]].

[[Old Tom]] is the University's bell and it is made of octiron. Every hour this bell chimes heavy silences which render all sounds inaudible. Sometimes Old Tom also rings during incidents involving a massive amount of magic, making verbal communication very difficult during the emergency.

The [[Unreal Estate]] is an area outside of the University walls. The area used to be the University's dumpster, and the magic contamination has until recently made the ground unusable for any housing or farming. However, part of this area has since been developed into the [[Thaumatological Park]]. This serves two purposes: it earns money for the University by selling commercially useful by-products of research magic such as the [[Dis-organiser]], and it keeps young wizards trained by [[Ponder Stibbons]] usefully occupied after graduation, otherwise there's no telling what minds like those would find to do. As the area is still inherently dangerous, a ''really'' cynical senior wizard might reflect that it could even thin their numbers out a bit, which is no bad thing...

The University is unbelievably rich. This comes from the rents of [[Sator Square]], the [[Plaza of Broken Moons]], magical services throughout the city and the classrooms that are rented out for various uses. Much more recently there has been the money made from the Thaumatological Park. Additionally, the University doesn't spend much, on food especially. People donate food regularly to the place, on the basis that if there were a lot of daft old men living on enough magic to rip a hole in two realities near ''you'', you'd want them to be too full to move as well.

==The People==
For many centuries, the wizards in Unseen University vied for the top position, the Archchancellor. The wizards were also in eight orders, each wizard fighting for the higher positions in the order, and fighting off other orders. (For more on in-fighting of wizards, see also the article [[Wizard's magic]].) After the coming of Archchancellor Ridcully, the power structure stabilized because nobody is able to murder Ridcully. The fighting changed from magical and murderous to quarrels and minor insults between faculty members. Everybody is able to come down alive and have a big dinner in relative calm, (unless the Bursar is insane for the moment or there is major magical disturbance in the vicinity.) There are many, many faculty members who are wizards who specialize in particular studies, drawing no salary, living at the ends of obscure corridors, unknown and unseen by others except at meals or when the more important wizards require the specialized wizards for some reason. Few faculty members like to teach. They have virtual lectures in a classroom, ([[Room 3b]]) that does not exist, a happy arrangement mutually understood and respected by [[Faculty]] and [[students]] alike. The other lecture theatre specifically mentioned in the chronicles is [[Room 5b]], which has its own woes in that Space and Time have come adrift from each other, and a lecturer walking in might discover he's already there and has started taking a class twenty minutes previously. Genuine lectures do happen at the University and are generally well-attended: refer to {{ER}}, where [[Eskarina Smith]] clandestinely attends the lectures by hiding underneath the tiered benches, and watching from behind a line of pointy boots. Student wizards do have to pass an exam, with an 88% pass mark, to obtain a Bachelor's degree. After that, a wizard may leave and find work, or stay and do more researches for advanced degrees.

All alumni of the UU have the right to wear a bronze octogram which symbolises their attendance at the school.

The faculty members listed below are well-known simply because they appear more often to the public and are there when the Archchancellor calls for meetings. These faculty members are not known for their lectures or the importance of their subjects. A hot subject, if such it may be called, is any technomancy under Ponder Stibbons's supervision, but in fact, his students are not more single-minded than other research students, and his department does not draw particularly many more students than other departments. Still, Mr. Stibbons's labs in the High Energy Building are often helpful to the Archchancellor in these modern times.

===The Top Faculty===
[[image:UUFaculty.jpg|350px|thumb|Left to right: The Chair, The Dean, The Librarian, The Archchancellor, Runes, The Bursar, Ponder Stibbons, The Senior Wrangler and Rincew.... oh he's, er, gone.]]
*The [[Archchancellor]] ([[Mustrum Ridcully]]),
*The [[Bursar]] (A. A. Dinwiddie)
*The [[Dean]] (Henry Porter)
Note:As of ''Unseen Academicals'' "The Dean" is now Archchancellor of [[Brazeneck College]]
*The [[Senior Wrangler]] (Horace)
*The [[Chair of Indefinite Studies]]
*The [[Lecturer in Recent Runes]]
*The [[Librarian]], (an orangutan, previously Human Horace Worblehat)
*The Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic ([[Ponder Stibbons]])
*The [[Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography]] ([[Rincewind]])
*The [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications|Head of the Department of Post-Mortem Communications]] (Dr [[John Hicks]])

*[[Hex]], the University's thinking-engine, although nominally a campus resource, functions as a ''de facto'' member of the top faculty

===Other Members of the Teaching Staff (in alphabetical order)===
*The [[Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic]]
*The [[Dean of Liberal Studies]]
*The [[Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage]]
*The [[Lecturer in Applied Astrology]]
*The [[The Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy|Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy]]
*The [[Lecturer in Creative Uncertainty]]
*The [[Professor of Applied Anthropics]]
*The [[Professor of Astrology]]
*The [[Professor of Extreme Horticulture]]
*The [[Professor of Illiberal Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Logic]]
*The [[Posthumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Posthumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Prehumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Prehumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Professor of Natural Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding‎]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Phenomena]]
*The [[Professor of Slood Dynamics]]
*The [[The Professor of Virtual Anthropology|Professor of Virtual Anthropology]]
*The [[Reader in Woolly Thinking]]

===The Staff===
*[[Modo]], Gardener
*Mrs. [[Whitlow]], head of housekeeping
*The [[Bledlows]], the UU's policemen, nowadays basically the porters
**[[McAbre]], Head Bledlow
**[[Gelid]], Bledlow
**[[Alphonse Nobbs]] (no relation), Bledlow
**[[Frankly Ottomy]], Bledlow
*[[Glenda Sugarbean]], head of the [[Night Kitchen]]
*[[Juliet Stollop]], one of Ms Sugarbean's workers
* [[Ksandra]], hapless undermaid
*The [[Candle Knave]], Mr [[Natchbull Smeems|Smeems]]
*The [[Candle Dribbler|Candle Dribblers]] of [[The Vats|the Vats]]
*Mr. [[Downbody]], one of the servants in the [[Uncommon Room]]
*Mr [[Blunk]], the coal porter

===Former Faculty & Staff===
* [[Windle Poons]], wizard (deceased).
* [[Evans the Striped]], sports master (deceased).
*[[Brother Fingers]] once worked as an odd-job man at UU.
*[[Inspector Lewton]] briefly hired on as a dormitory bedmaker in [[Discworld Noir]], but only as a ruse to snoop around the campus.

===Former Archchancellors===
*[[Albert|Alberto Malich]] – founder
*Archchancellor [[Bewdley]] – according to his commemorative statue, disliked Ankh-Morpork intensely. According to {{TLC}}, a magical hole opened in his left boot.
*Archchancellor "Trouter" Hopkins – his actual preserved body is in the great hall, having put in his will that he wanted his body to be pickled in alcohol posthumously.
*Archchancellor William Badger – a very unpopular man, whose likeness is on the University's drain covers.
*Archchancellor [[Galder Weatherwax]] – Archchancellor in {{TLF}}
*Archchancellor [[Cutangle]] – Archchancellor in {{ER}}
*Archchancellor-Elect [[Virrid Wayzygoose]] – an ''almost''-Archchancellor who died before his own inaugural dinner in {{S}}
*Archchancellor [[Ezrolith Churn]] – Archchancellor in {{E}}
*Archchancellor [[Buckleby]] – Apparently locked himself in his own wardrobe. Mentioned in {{H}}
*Archchancellor [[Spode]] – mentioned in {{H}} and instituted a rule about locking doors
*Archchancellor [[Sloman]] – mentioned in "A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices"; discovered the Special Theory of Slood
*Archchancellor [[Bowell]] – left an unusual bequest and has a vestibule named after him (see below)

==The Orders of Wizardry==
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star]]
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle]]
*[[Brotherhood of the Hoodwink]]
*[[Brothers of the Order of Midnight]]
*[[Sages of the Unknown Shadow]]
*[[Venerable Council of Seers]]
*[[Mrs Widgery's Lodgers]]
*[[The Last Order]]

==Terms==
There are eight terms, each one is roughly one week long, to minimise the time that the professers must spend teaching. However, the students continue to live and study on their own for the remainder of the year. The terms are called:
*Octinity
*Rotation
*Backspindle
*Hogswatch
*Evelyn
*Micklemote
*Candlerent
*Soul Cakes

==Customs and traditions==
===Beating the Bounds===
Also known as "plunkers", this ceremony takes place each year at dawn on the 22nd of Grune. The entire faculty walks along the original boundaries of the University, walking through or if necessary over any buildings in the way of the original march route. Any nearby citizens are hit with live ferrets, and any red-headed men (except for one [[Carrot|Captain Ironfoundersson]]) are given a "plunking". Upon return to the University, breakfast is served, in which duck must be present.

In our world the beating of the bounds of Oxford takes place every Ascension day (changes every year but it is either May or June).

===Boy Archchancellor===
Occurring at around [[Hogswatch]], a first year student is selected to be the Archchancellor for the day. He has the full powers of Archchancellorship, and there is many a tale of him performing all manner of jokes and pranks on the most senior wizards. Because his life expectancy following this will almost certainly be brief, the boy chosen is normally the University's most unpopular student.

This is similar to the idea of a boy bishop, which is present in our world.

===The Convivium===
The Degrees ceremony, in which the [[Archchancellor]], University Council, eighth level wizards, masters and doctors proceed from the University to the [[Opera House]]. They are led by the Commander of the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|Watch]], or if there isn't one, then by a man carrying a pot of mustard and a quill. Foreign dignitaries, city officials and nobles are also invited to this ceremony, and upon arrival at the Opera House, the [[Patrician]] will present the graduates with their degrees.

===Gaudy Night===
This appears to be a follow up of the Convivium, and the new graduates attend a feast in the Great Hall of the University, making an even greater effort than usual to be the best dressed. The winner is thrown into the river by the losers.

This is an celebration dinner at Oxford University, around which the novel ''Gaudy Night'' by Dorothy L. Sayers is based.

===Head of the River===
Because of the difficulty of rowing on the river, teams of eight wizards will carry the racing skiffs and run from the University boathouse to the Brass Bridge. The course is known as the "Bumps", and the winning team is awarded a "Brown" (a new pair of brown boots to replace the ones that will by now have been effectively disintegrated). They are now referred to as "Head of the River". One past winner of this race is the current Archchancellor, [[Mustrum Ridcully|Mustrum Ridcully the Brown]].

===May Morning===
Every May Day Dawn, the University choir sing from the top of the [[Tower of Art]] to the rest of the faculty, assembled below. Although the anthem cannot be heard, the Tower of Art being 800 feet high, the listeners still clap after five minutes, the length of time taken to sing the anthem.

===The Poor Scholars===
This harks back to the founding days of the University, when young, but poor men with magical talent were accepted into the universities. However, there was no accommodation space for them, so they lived in lean-tos against the walls of the [[Tower of Art]]. As a recognition of their determination, the faculty would throw food down to (or at) the poor scholars. Now, this ceremony takes place once a year, and the students gather in [[Sator Square]], where the faculty throw stale bread rolls at them as hard as they can.

===Rag week===
This is the entire backspindle term. On this week, the wizards are let loose on Ankh-Morpork. Activities include the Short Street Climb, in which the wizards climb sideways across the streets. Some fail to reach the end, and fall into the [[the Mended Drum]]. Another custom is tobogganing, in which the wizards go up to the Tower of Art on teatrays, and then toboggan back down. It must be noted that for this to happen, the involved students must have consumed a large amount of alcohol.

===Scrawn Money===
Also known as "Archchancellor Scrawn's bequest", this rather dated ceremony requires all those who live on University property to assemble in Sator Square, where they are given two pennies, a pair of socks, and a loaf of day-old bread each. They are then allowed to watch the wizards eat lunch.

==='Sity and Guilds===
Due to the rivalry induced violence between students of the various [[guilds]] and the university, it was decided to channel the rivalries into an annual sporting match, similar to football or rugby. The "playing field" was from [[The Shades]] to the Tower of Art. Goals are scored by kicking the ball through the door or window of a pub, and the scoring team had to get drinks bought by the other teams. Only one goal per pub was allowed due to the length of some games that had not benefited from this rule. It appears that the Unseen University has not participated in this for some time now.

===The Wizards' Excuse Me===
A large dance at the end of the Backspindle term, to which the city nobles are also invited. There are two bands and a giant buffet with three dozen kinds of meat.

=== Archchancellor [[Bowell]]'s Remembrance's bun and penny ===
An extant bequest pays for one small currant bun and one copper penny to be placed on a high stone shelf on one wall of this vestibule (circular hall) every second Wednesday. No one knows why this is done, or even why the vestibule is named [[Archchancellor Bowell's Remembrance]] ({{H}})

===The Hunting of the Megapode===
A veritable heyhoe-rumbledown as all fellows pursue the [[Megapode]] through the college buildings with much mirth and good spirits.

===Archchancellor Preserved Bigger's Bequest, or Poore Boys Funne===

The Bigger's Bequest is a very large fund. Monies from the interest on the fund cover approximately 78% of the college food bill. It does however carry conditions, in order for the UU to have access to these funds they must play [[Football]] at least once every twenty years.
Food is ''important'' to the modern wizard: the University appears to be regualted as tightly as any ship at sea by its [[Unseen University Mealtimes|mealtimes]], which happen at approximately two-hour intervals throughout the day and night, like the ship's bells that tell sailors what watch they're on. Therefore while there is much grumbling and reluctance, the vital necessity to play football is acknowledged in {{UA}}.

==Flora and Fauna==
The grounds are closed and heavily contaminated with magic, so a special ecosystem has evolved within Unseen University, with many wondrous creatures not found elsewhere, and many highly intelligent and civilized varieties of common house pests. These include:
*[[.303 Bookworm]] in the Library.
*Ants; some pull carts, some ride on beetles. One time, a clan of ants built a sugar pyramid for the mummy of a deceased queen (on the walls the true secret of longevity was inscribed, but it was lost when it was washed out).
*Bedbugs in Rincewind's mattress, smart enough to take the mattress with them when they feel they need to flee the University.
*Cockroaches; billions of them can march with their steps perfectly in time.
*[[Critters]] in the Library.
* Escaped demons in the cellar.
*Flying insects (including bees) who are not only capable of leaving a room by the window through which they entered, they can unerringly pick out a tiny hole in the glass no larger than a small coin, and enter and leave via this aperture.
*{{wp|Marmosets|Marmosets}} were planned to be used by a previous Archchancellor in order to communicate throughout the university (a piped system).
*[[Rats]] who seem to understand human speech. Some have moved to under the [[Patrician's Palace]] and sometimes serve the Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]].
*Owls - [[Book:The Ankh-Morpork Post Office Handbook & Diary 2007|The Ankh-Morpork Post Office Handbook & Diary]] notes that there are a large population of owls living in the upper attics of UU. The wizards did once try and use the owls are an internal postal-service to deliver the letters and memos. However these were very intelligent birds, and saw the letters an an easily obtainable source of nesting material. The letters had to be retrieved from owls and stamped 'defected on by owls' (although most people can see this when they get it).
*[[Quoth|Ravens]] talk and are very inquisitive, but not very bright.
*[[Swear-Words]], cussed into being by Ridcully during a time of great magical potential.

:These creatures can be found in: {{ER}}, {{S}}, {{G!G!}}, {{RM}} and {{NW}}.

[[Gargoyles]] - There are a large colony of gargoyles covering much of the ancient buildings of the Unseen University. The first appear in {{ER}}. In wet weather they delight in spitting the water over passing students. In the event of a serious storm however, they have been known to leave the walls and hide under the attics, holding 'that just because your are ugly, doesn't mean you have to be stupid'. In {{S}} the entire gargoyle population abandoned UU, descending to ground level and fleeing across the immaculate grass lawns, sensing the approach of the [[Coin|Sourcerer]].

The University still dumps magical rubbish carelessly in the back alleys of [[Ankh-Morpork]]. The eating of magical rubbish led to the rise of the [[Rats|rat]] Clan, composed of rats not only intelligent but also fluent in human speech. These rats are important characters in ''[[Book:The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents|The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents]]''.

[[Gaspode]], the thinking-brain dog for the [[Canting Crew]], may also have got his thinking abilities and human speech from eating Unseen's rubbish (or, as he says in {{MAA}}, by sleeping next to the High Energy Magic Building), dumped by time-honoured custom in the [[Unreal Estate]]. (Details in {{MP}} and {{MAA}}). This was certainly the case for [[The Amazing Maurice]], an otherwise bright feral tomcat who, before eating Unseen's rubbish at one step removed, was scratching a bare living on the margins, but then got a Big Idea.

[[Schleppel]], a boogeyman, was invited to move into the University's cellars after the events of {{RM}}, and happily looked forward to preying on its various wildlife. It is uncertain how he may have fitted into its curious ecology.

==Annotation==
The name of the Unseen University probably comes from the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_College Invisible College]

[[de:Unsichtbare Universität]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

Unseen University

2013-02-27T22:59:33Z

Dromandkass: /* Flora and Fauna */

{{Building Data
|photo=UU01.png|coat of arms|100px|
|name= Unseen University
|location= [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|owner=
|apperance=
|residents= [[Wizards]]
|use= University
|built= 1282 AM ([[1 UC]])
|founded by= [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]]
|demolished=
|books= {{TCOM}} {{TLF}} {{ER}} {{M}} {{S}} {{E}} {{MP}} {{RM}} {{SM}} {{IT}} {{H}} {{TLC}} {{TT}} {{TOT}} {{GP}} {{UA}}
|notes= Motto: ''NVNC ID VIDES, NVNC NE VIDES'' (now you see it, now you don't)
}}

''"Unseen University, home of the greatest wizards on the Discworld. And one or two of the worst."''

The '''Unseen University''' (UU) is a school for [[Wizards|wizards]] located in [[Ankh-Morpork]]. It was founded in the year 1282 AM ([[1 UC]]) by [[Albert|Alberto Malich the Wise]].

==The Place==
The Unseen University has gates of [[octiron]], and single-minded [[Bledlows]] to perform the Ceremony of the Keys every night. The University has an octagonal lawn, roses, other plants, and compost heaps tended by Mr. [[Modo]], the university's dwarf gardener. The buildings are of ancient stone, and contain many dark, winding corridors and small rooms, far more than the size of the grounds should allow. The unusual architecture of the building suggests that the top storeys and roof were built before the ground floors. Inside the University is the [[Great Hall]], where the Wizard's four main meals of the day are eaten. Also noteworthy are the hundreds of paintings and busts of former [[Archchancellor|Archchancellors]] that line the vestibule just outside the Great Hall. Other notable features are the [[Uncommon Room]], the staffroom of the Faculty (see below); the gymnasium (which is for students to practise spelling, not exercise, and - as such - is lined and protected ''very'' powerfully); the [[Emperor]] candle and the [[Tesseractical Floor|Tesseractical floor]].

The grounds are enclosed in brick walls, but there are some places where bricks can be removed to offer convenient footholds for young and reasonably athletic students to climb over. The more famous buildings are: The [[Tower of Art]], the [[Library]], and the [[High Energy Magic Building]].

[[Old Tom]] is the University's bell and it is made of octiron. Every hour this bell chimes heavy silences which render all sounds inaudible. Sometimes Old Tom also rings during incidents involving a massive amount of magic, making verbal communication very difficult during the emergency.

The [[Unreal Estate]] is an area outside of the University walls. The area used to be the University's dumpster, and the magic contamination has until recently made the ground unusable for any housing or farming. However, part of this area has since been developed into the [[Thaumatological Park]]. This serves two purposes: it earns money for the University by selling commercially useful by-products of research magic such as the [[Dis-organiser]], and it keeps young wizards trained by [[Ponder Stibbons]] usefully occupied after graduation, otherwise there's no telling what minds like those would find to do. As the area is still inherently dangerous, a ''really'' cynical senior wizard might reflect that it could even thin their numbers out a bit, which is no bad thing...

The University is unbelievably rich. This comes from the rents of [[Sator Square]], the [[Plaza of Broken Moons]], magical services throughout the city and the classrooms that are rented out for various uses. Much more recently there has been the money made from the Thaumatological Park. Additionally, the University doesn't spend much, on food especially. People donate food regularly to the place, on the basis that if there were a lot of daft old men living on enough magic to rip a hole in two realities near ''you'', you'd want them to be too full to move as well.

==The People==
For many centuries, the wizards in Unseen University vied for the top position, the Archchancellor. The wizards were also in eight orders, each wizard fighting for the higher positions in the order, and fighting off other orders. (For more on in-fighting of wizards, see also the article [[Wizard's magic]].) After the coming of Archchancellor Ridcully, the power structure stabilized because nobody is able to murder Ridcully. The fighting changed from magical and murderous to quarrels and minor insults between faculty members. Everybody is able to come down alive and have a big dinner in relative calm, (unless the Bursar is insane for the moment or there is major magical disturbance in the vicinity.) There are many, many faculty members who are wizards who specialize in particular studies, drawing no salary, living at the ends of obscure corridors, unknown and unseen by others except at meals or when the more important wizards require the specialized wizards for some reason. Few faculty members like to teach. They have virtual lectures in a classroom, ([[Room 3b]]) that does not exist, a happy arrangement mutually understood and respected by [[Faculty]] and [[students]] alike. The other lecture theatre specifically mentioned in the chronicles is [[Room 5b]], which has its own woes in that Space and Time have come adrift from each other, and a lecturer walking in might discover he's already there and has started taking a class twenty minutes previously. Genuine lectures do happen at the University and are generally well-attended: refer to {{ER}}, where [[Eskarina Smith]] clandestinely attends the lectures by hiding underneath the tiered benches, and watching from behind a line of pointy boots. Student wizards do have to pass an exam, with an 88% pass mark, to obtain a Bachelor's degree. After that, a wizard may leave and find work, or stay and do more researches for advanced degrees.

All alumni of the UU have the right to wear a bronze octogram which symbolises their attendance at the school.

The faculty members listed below are well-known simply because they appear more often to the public and are there when the Archchancellor calls for meetings. These faculty members are not known for their lectures or the importance of their subjects. A hot subject, if such it may be called, is any technomancy under Ponder Stibbons's supervision, but in fact, his students are not more single-minded than other research students, and his department does not draw particularly many more students than other departments. Still, Mr. Stibbons's labs in the High Energy Building are often helpful to the Archchancellor in these modern times.

===The Top Faculty===
[[image:UUFaculty.jpg|350px|thumb|Left to right: The Chair, The Dean, The Librarian, The Archchancellor, Runes, The Bursar, Ponder Stibbons, The Senior Wrangler and Rincew.... oh he's, er, gone.]]
*The [[Archchancellor]] ([[Mustrum Ridcully]]),
*The [[Bursar]] (A. A. Dinwiddie)
*The [[Dean]] (Henry Porter)
Note:As of ''Unseen Academicals'' "The Dean" is now Archchancellor of [[Brazeneck College]]
*The [[Senior Wrangler]] (Horace)
*The [[Chair of Indefinite Studies]]
*The [[Lecturer in Recent Runes]]
*The [[Librarian]], (an orangutan, previously Human Horace Worblehat)
*The Head of Inadvisably Applied Magic ([[Ponder Stibbons]])
*The [[Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography]] ([[Rincewind]])
*The [[Department of Post-Mortem Communications|Head of the Department of Post-Mortem Communications]] (Dr [[John Hicks]])

*[[Hex]], the University's thinking-engine, although nominally a campus resource, functions as a ''de facto'' member of the top faculty

===Other Members of the Teaching Staff (in alphabetical order)===
*The [[Chair for the Public Misunderstanding of Magic]]
*The [[Dean of Liberal Studies]]
*The [[Egregious Professor of Grammar and Usage]]
*The [[Lecturer in Applied Astrology]]
*The [[The Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy|Lecturer in Approximate Accuracy]]
*The [[Lecturer in Creative Uncertainty]]
*The [[Professor of Applied Anthropics]]
*The [[Professor of Astrology]]
*The [[Professor of Extreme Horticulture]]
*The [[Professor of Illiberal Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Logic]]
*The [[Posthumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Posthumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Prehumous Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy|''Prehumous'' Professor of Morbid Bibliomancy]]
*The [[Professor of Natural Studies]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding‎]]
*The [[Professor of Recondite Phenomena]]
*The [[Professor of Slood Dynamics]]
*The [[The Professor of Virtual Anthropology|Professor of Virtual Anthropology]]
*The [[Reader in Woolly Thinking]]

===The Staff===
*[[Modo]], Gardener
*Mrs. [[Whitlow]], head of housekeeping
*The [[Bledlows]], the UU's policemen, nowadays basically the porters
**[[McAbre]], Head Bledlow
**[[Gelid]], Bledlow
**[[Alphonse Nobbs]] (no relation), Bledlow
**[[Frankly Ottomy]], Bledlow
*[[Glenda Sugarbean]], head of the [[Night Kitchen]]
*[[Juliet Stollop]], one of Ms Sugarbean's workers
* [[Ksandra]], hapless undermaid
*The [[Candle Knave]], Mr [[Natchbull Smeems|Smeems]]
*The [[Candle Dribbler|Candle Dribblers]] of [[The Vats|the Vats]]
*Mr. [[Downbody]], one of the servants in the [[Uncommon Room]]
*Mr [[Blunk]], the coal porter

===Former Faculty & Staff===
* [[Windle Poons]], wizard (deceased).
* [[Evans the Striped]], sports master (deceased).
*[[Brother Fingers]] once worked as an odd-job man at UU.
*[[Inspector Lewton]] briefly hired on as a dormitory bedmaker in [[Discworld Noir]], but only as a ruse to snoop around the campus.

===Former Archchancellors===
*[[Albert|Alberto Malich]] – founder
*Archchancellor [[Bewdley]] – according to his commemorative statue, disliked Ankh-Morpork intensely. According to {{TLC}}, a magical hole opened in his left boot.
*Archchancellor "Trouter" Hopkins – his actual preserved body is in the great hall, having put in his will that he wanted his body to be pickled in alcohol posthumously.
*Archchancellor William Badger – a very unpopular man, whose likeness is on the University's drain covers.
*Archchancellor [[Galder Weatherwax]] – Archchancellor in {{TLF}}
*Archchancellor [[Cutangle]] – Archchancellor in {{ER}}
*Archchancellor-Elect [[Virrid Wayzygoose]] – an ''almost''-Archchancellor who died before his own inaugural dinner in {{S}}
*Archchancellor [[Ezrolith Churn]] – Archchancellor in {{E}}
*Archchancellor [[Buckleby]] – Apparently locked himself in his own wardrobe. Mentioned in {{H}}
*Archchancellor [[Spode]] – mentioned in {{H}} and instituted a rule about locking doors
*Archchancellor [[Sloman]] – mentioned in "A Collegiate Casting-Out of Devilish Devices"; discovered the Special Theory of Slood
*Archchancellor [[Bowell]] – left an unusual bequest and has a vestibule named after him (see below)

==The Orders of Wizardry==
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Brothers of the Silver Star]]
*[[Ancient and Truly Original Sages of the Unbroken Circle]]
*[[Brotherhood of the Hoodwink]]
*[[Brothers of the Order of Midnight]]
*[[Sages of the Unknown Shadow]]
*[[Venerable Council of Seers]]
*[[Mrs Widgery's Lodgers]]
*[[The Last Order]]

==Terms==
There are eight terms, each one is roughly one week long, to minimise the time that the professers must spend teaching. However, the students continue to live and study on their own for the remainder of the year. The terms are called:
*Octinity
*Rotation
*Backspindle
*Hogswatch
*Evelyn
*Micklemote
*Candlerent
*Soul Cakes

==Customs and traditions==
===Beating the Bounds===
Also known as "plunkers", this ceremony takes place each year at dawn on the 22nd of Grune. The entire faculty walks along the original boundaries of the University, walking through or if necessary over any buildings in the way of the original march route. Any nearby citizens are hit with live ferrets, and any red-headed men (except for one [[Carrot|Captain Ironfoundersson]]) are given a "plunking". Upon return to the University, breakfast is served, in which duck must be present.

In our world the beating of the bounds of Oxford takes place every Ascension day (changes every year but it is either May or June).

===Boy Archchancellor===
Occurring at around [[Hogswatch]], a first year student is selected to be the Archchancellor for the day. He has the full powers of Archchancellorship, and there is many a tale of him performing all manner of jokes and pranks on the most senior wizards. Because his life expectancy following this will almost certainly be brief, the boy chosen is normally the University's most unpopular student.

This is similar to the idea of a boy bishop, which is present in our world.

===The Convivium===
The Degrees ceremony, in which the [[Archchancellor]], University Council, eighth level wizards, masters and doctors proceed from the University to the [[Opera House]]. They are led by the Commander of the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|Watch]], or if there isn't one, then by a man carrying a pot of mustard and a quill. Foreign dignitaries, city officials and nobles are also invited to this ceremony, and upon arrival at the Opera House, the [[Patrician]] will present the graduates with their degrees.

===Gaudy Night===
This appears to be a follow up of the Convivium, and the new graduates attend a feast in the Great Hall of the University, making an even greater effort than usual to be the best dressed. The winner is thrown into the river by the losers.

This is an celebration dinner at Oxford University, around which the novel ''Gaudy Night'' by Dorothy L. Sayers is based.

===Head of the River===
Because of the difficulty of rowing on the river, teams of eight wizards will carry the racing skiffs and run from the University boathouse to the Brass Bridge. The course is known as the "Bumps", and the winning team is awarded a "Brown" (a new pair of brown boots to replace the ones that will by now have been effectively disintegrated). They are now referred to as "Head of the River". One past winner of this race is the current Archchancellor, [[Mustrum Ridcully|Mustrum Ridcully the Brown]].

===May Morning===
Every May Day Dawn, the University choir sing from the top of the [[Tower of Art]] to the rest of the faculty, assembled below. Although the anthem cannot be heard, the Tower of Art being 800 feet high, the listeners still clap after five minutes, the length of time taken to sing the anthem.

===The Poor Scholars===
This harks back to the founding days of the University, when young, but poor men with magical talent were accepted into the universities. However, there was no accommodation space for them, so they lived in lean-tos against the walls of the [[Tower of Art]]. As a recognition of their determination, the faculty would throw food down to (or at) the poor scholars. Now, this ceremony takes place once a year, and the students gather in [[Sator Square]], where the faculty throw stale bread rolls at them as hard as they can.

===Rag week===
This is the entire backspindle term. On this week, the wizards are let loose on Ankh-Morpork. Activities include the Short Street Climb, in which the wizards climb sideways across the streets. Some fail to reach the end, and fall into the [[the Mended Drum]]. Another custom is tobogganing, in which the wizards go up to the Tower of Art on teatrays, and then toboggan back down. It must be noted that for this to happen, the involved students must have consumed a large amount of alcohol.

===Scrawn Money===
Also known as "Archchancellor Scrawn's bequest", this rather dated ceremony requires all those who live on University property to assemble in Sator Square, where they are given two pennies, a pair of socks, and a loaf of day-old bread each. They are then allowed to watch the wizards eat lunch.

==='Sity and Guilds===
Due to the rivalry induced violence between students of the various [[guilds]] and the university, it was decided to channel the rivalries into an annual sporting match, similar to football or rugby. The "playing field" was from [[The Shades]] to the Tower of Art. Goals are scored by kicking the ball through the door or window of a pub, and the scoring team had to get drinks bought by the other teams. Only one goal per pub was allowed due to the length of some games that had not benefited from this rule. It appears that the Unseen University has not participated in this for some time now.

===The Wizards' Excuse Me===
A large dance at the end of the Backspindle term, to which the city nobles are also invited. There are two bands and a giant buffet with three dozen kinds of meat.

=== Archchancellor [[Bowell]]'s Remembrance's bun and penny ===
An extant bequest pays for one small currant bun and one copper penny to be placed on a high stone shelf on one wall of this vestibule (circular hall) every second Wednesday. No one knows why this is done, or even why the vestibule is named [[Archchancellor Bowell's Remembrance]] ({{H}})

===The Hunting of the Megapode===
A veritable heyhoe-rumbledown as all fellows pursue the [[Megapode]] through the college buildings with much mirth and good spirits.

===Archchancellor Preserved Bigger's Bequest, or Poore Boys Funne===

The Bigger's Bequest is a very large fund. Monies from the interest on the fund cover approximately 78% of the college food bill. It does however carry conditions, in order for the UU to have access to these funds they must play [[Football]] at least once every twenty years.
Food is ''important'' to the modern wizard: the University appears to be regualted as tightly as any ship at sea by its [[Unseen University Mealtimes|mealtimes]], which happen at approximately two-hour intervals throughout the day and night, like the ship's bells that tell sailors what watch they're on. Therefore while there is much grumbling and reluctance, the vital necessity to play football is acknowledged in {{UA}}.

==Flora and Fauna==
The grounds are closed and heavily contaminated with magic, so a special ecosystem has evolved within Unseen University, with many wondrous creatures not found elsewhere, and many highly intelligent and civilized varieties of common house pests. These include:
*[[.303 Bookworm]] in the Library.
*Ants; some pull carts, some ride on beetles. One time, a clan of ants built a sugar pyramid for the mummy of a deceased queen (on the walls the true secret of longevity was inscribed, but it was lost when it was washed out).
*Bedbugs in Rincewind's mattress, smart enough to take the mattress with them when they feel they need to flee the University.
*Cockroaches; billions of them can march with their steps perfectly in time.
*[[Critters]] in the Library.
* Escaped demons in the cellar.
*Flying insects (including bees) who are not only capable of leaving a room by the window through which they entered, they can unerringly pick out a tiny hole in the glass no larger than a small coin, and enter and leave via this aperture.
*{{wp|Marmosets|Marmosets}} were planned to be used by a previous Archchancellor in order to communicate throughout the university (a piped system).
*[[Rats]] who seem to understand human speech. Some have moved to under the [[Patrician's Palace]] and sometimes serve the Patrician, Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]].
*[[Quoth|Ravens]] talk and are very inquisitive, but not very bright.
*[[Swear-Words]], cussed into being by Ridcully during a time of great magical potential.

:These creatures can be found in: {{ER}}, {{S}}, {{G!G!}}, {{RM}} and {{NW}}.

[[Gargoyles]] - There are a large colony of gargoyles covering much of the ancient buildings of the Unseen University. The first appear in {{ER}}. In wet weather they delight in spitting the water over passing students. In the event of a serious storm however, they have been known to leave the walls and hide under the attics, holding 'that just because your are ugly, doesn't mean you have to be stupid'. In {{S}} the entire gargoyle population abandoned UU, descending to ground level and fleeing across the immaculate grass lawns, sensing the approach of the [[Coin|Sourcerer]].

The University still dumps magical rubbish carelessly in the back alleys of [[Ankh-Morpork]]. The eating of magical rubbish led to the rise of the [[Rats|rat]] Clan, composed of rats not only intelligent but also fluent in human speech. These rats are important characters in ''[[Book:The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents|The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents]]''.

[[Gaspode]], the thinking-brain dog for the [[Canting Crew]], may also have got his thinking abilities and human speech from eating Unseen's rubbish (or, as he says in {{MAA}}, by sleeping next to the High Energy Magic Building), dumped by time-honoured custom in the [[Unreal Estate]]. (Details in {{MP}} and {{MAA}}). This was certainly the case for [[The Amazing Maurice]], an otherwise bright feral tomcat who, before eating Unseen's rubbish at one step removed, was scratching a bare living on the margins, but then got a Big Idea.

[[Schleppel]], a boogeyman, was invited to move into the University's cellars after the events of {{RM}}, and happily looked forward to preying on its various wildlife. It is uncertain how he may have fitted into its curious ecology.

==Annotation==
The name of the Unseen University probably comes from the [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_College Invisible College]

[[de:Unsichtbare Universität]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]

Pseudopolis

2013-02-22T22:55:37Z

Dromandkass: /* Interesting Facts */

{{Nation Data
|title= Pseudopolis
|picture=
|establised=
|motto=

|neighbours= [[Octarine Grass Country]], [[Sto Plains]]

|features=

|capital=

|population= Larger than the other City States, bar [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|size=
|government= Republic

|notablecitizens= [[Ned Coates]], [[John Keel]], [[Eric Thursley]], [[Archchancellor Henry]], [[Lady Roberta Meserole]]

|imports= Raw materials
|exports= Manufactured goods

|anthem=

|books= {{E}}, {{UA}}
}}
''For the character, see'' [[Doc Pseudopolis]].

'''Pseudopolis''' is a city-state on the [[Sto Plains]], formerly a duchy but recently declared a republic (see ''[[Book:Unseen Academicals|Unseen Academicals]]''). It is the most turnwise of the major Sto Plains cities (nearing the [[Octarine Grass Country]] and the [[Barbarian heroes| barbarian]] territory) and probably the largest city on the continent after Ankh-Morpork.

==Interesting Facts==
*A street in uptown [[Ankh-Morpork]] is named [[Pseudopolis Yard]]. This curves around the [[Opera House]], opposite of which can be found a building currently serving as headquarters of the [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch]].

*[[Nobby Nobbs]], currently Corporal in the A-M City Watch, had served before as quartermaster of the Pseudopolis military. Due to this and other circumstances, Pseudopolis always lost its wars (see ''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''). When Nobby is questioned about this in the game [[Discworld Noir]] he admits that 'one of two items might have found their way into his kit' before being confronted with the fact that 'at the time your 'kit' consisted of three warehouses'.

*13 Midden Lane Pseudopolis is where [[Rincewind]] returned to the Disc after an indeterminate length of time spent ducking and diving in the [[Dungeon Dimensions]]. This was due to hapless teenage demonologist [[Eric]] and a too-convenient [[magic circle]]...

*[[Thrasher's School]] is a long-established, prestigious, boarding school where the sons of the landed gentry are turned into men.

*[[Brazeneck College]] is located in Pseudopolis, and is apparently a source of great civic pride, at least prior to the 70-foot chicken incident.

[[Category:Discworld geography]]

[[de:Pseudopolis]]

Bugarup University

2013-02-22T22:44:12Z

Dromandkass:

Motto: ''NVLLVS ANXIETAS.''

The '''Bugarup University''' (BU) is a University for [[wizard's magic|Wizards]] in [[Bugarup]], and one of the top (possibly only) higher-education institution on the continent of [[XXXX]], much the same way that the [[Unseen University]] is the top school around the [[Circle Sea]]. Bugarup University has a Dean and other faculty members, and students, and a Tower, just like Unseen University. Unlike Unseen wizards, however, [[Bugarup]] wizards seem to be somewhat more amiable and cooperative among themselves. At least, during their brief appearance in ''[[Book:The Last Continent|The Last Continent]]'', they spend far less time arguing among themselves than Unseen wizards would. This is likely due to the influence of the No Worries attitude of the Ecksians. Indeed, the BU motto is "Nullus Anxietas". (Closely followed by ''Nullae Sheilae Sanguinae'')

The BU Archchancellor is [[Bill Rincewind]]. It is his opinion that he and the UU ''wizzard'' Rincewind must be at least distant cousins. Rincewind welcomes the idea. Bill seems much more fortunate than this distant cousin by having a first name and, of course, making it to the top position of a magical University.

The University building is built from corrugated iron sheets and wood like many other buildings on XXXX. Because of this use of materials, students go in and out after hours via a loose sheet in a side alley (as opposed to [[Unseen University]], where students remove the bricks). The tower of the university did not look as impressive as the Unseen University's [[Tower of Art]] but it was higher at the top than at the bottom, which gave you an impressive view from the top of the low tower of corrugated iron. Following the events related in {{TLC}}, the Tower ''may'' have been rebuilt since, lower and better...

It is also mentioned in {{RM}} that the wizards of XXXX, 'who wear corks around their pointy hats and live on nothing but prawns', actually surf on the sluggish Discworld light of dawn as it rolls in from space, while it is still wild and untamed.

Since the events of {{TLC}} a student exchange program may have been set up between UU and BU. Archancellor Ridcully offered 'six of our students in exchange for a decent lawnmower'. Young student Ecksians eager to see the world might well take him up on the offer.

As of {{UA}} the wizards at UU have become accustom to the existence of a rival school for wizardry and Ridcully and Bill Rincewind frequently exchange letters. Ridcully can also tolerate the head of BU calling himself 'archancellor' because he's on a separate continent along way away. The rise of [[Brazeneck College]] in the neighbouring city of [[Pseudopolis]] is another mater however...

-The Faculty-

* [[Bill Rincewind]], Archchancellor of Bugarup University
* [[B. Smoth]], Dean of Bugarup University
* [[Cartwright]] - wizard at BU

[[Category:Locations]]
[[de:Mistauch Universität]]

==Annotation==

Bugarup University seems like a distant relative of Monty Python's University of Woolloomooloo, right down to the compulsory beer-drinking (Rule Two). Rules One, Three, Five and Seven seem not to be enforced though, although the graffiti "B Smoth is a pozza" comes as no surprise to the Faculty, who have long suspected pozza-hood in their Dean. Perhaps the nearby presence of so many militant female impersonators is a deterrent to voicing such rules openly...

Überwald

2013-02-22T21:46:44Z

Dromandkass: /* People */

Formerly the Dark Empire, Evil Empire or Unholy Empire, with the double-headed bat as symbol, and once ruled by a [[Sourcerer]] known as the Evil Emperor, who was, well, evil. Under the [[Evil Empire]], [[Orcs|all sorts of nasty things]] were created and used in war. As [[John Hicks]] puts it in {{UA}}, "you got what it said on the Iron Maiden".

Überwald describes a huge mountainous region of wintry climate. The ruling nobility of the land is composed of feudal [[werewolves|werewolf]] and [[vampires|vampire]] families. Lately, the [[dwarfs]] have also come into power. There are many [[trolls]] in the distant mountains, warring against the dwarfs, but in cities such as [[Bonk]], trolls are considered semi-sentient slaves. Humans are still mostly in the roles of "townspeople" or "exploited citizens". Most [[Igor|Igors]] come from Überwald, where they traditionally serve those on the far side of sanity, using the excellent local lightning for their experiments. Überwaldean is said to be a good cursing language.

The principal town in Überwald is [[Bonk]].

Major appearances of the region are in {{WA}}, {{CJ}}, {{T5E}}, and {{MR}}. Überwald is also often colloquially mentioned as the dark and mysterious place ruled and indeed overrun by the undead and bandits, standing in the middle of the continent, cutting off the traffic between the [[Sto Plains]] and [[Genua]].

The region is briefly visited by the [[Lancre]] witches in {{WA}}, where a local [[Vampires|vampire]] is defeated by a combination of [[Nanny Ogg]]'s garlic sausage, [[Magrat Garlick|Magrat]]'s insistence on sleeping with the window open, and [[Greebo]]'s irritation that a mouse with wings is trying to change shape on him.
In truth, Überwald also has many small towns with just your ordinary rural town people, not very mean, not very nice ({{TAMAHER}}, {{GP}}).

Überwald is also home to many of the older races such as [[Centaur]]s.

It is noted by [[Lord Vetinari]] that mapmakers often fill in blank areas of Überwaldean maps with the phrase 'MMBU,' or 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Überwald' In the same way Africa mapmakers used to mark their maps 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Africa'.

==Economy==
The area does not come across as particularly wealthy, and is thinly populated. The main source of income seems to be mining, both metals and fat. Recently the [[Grand Trunk]] has reached Bonk, connecting this part of the continent with the rest of the world.

==Cities, towns and locations==
* [[Bad Blintz]]
* Bad Heisses Bad
* [[Bad Schüschein]]
* [[Bonk]]
* [[Bugs]]
* [[Escrow]]
* [[Lipwig]]
* [[Schmaltzberg]]
* [[Don'tgonearthe Castle]]
* [[Müning]]
* [[Splinz]]
* [[Klotz]] - on the [[River Ah]]
* [[Glitz]]
* [[Slake]]
* [[Wilinus Pass]]

===Noble Families===

*[[Margolotta]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Dragoul von Salic|von Salic]] - Vampire Counts
*[[John Smith|von Vilinus]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Crazed Baron Haha|Haha]] - Human Barons
*[[Guye von Uberwald|von Uberwald]] - Werewolf Barons
*[[Bela de Magpyr|Magpyr]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Notfaroutoe]] - Vampire Counts (bloodline now extinct in Uberwald, last heir living in Ankh-Morpork)

==People==
Some of the better known people from Überwald:
*Delphine [[Angua von Überwald]]
*Lady [[Margolotta]]
*[[Serafine von Überwald|Baroness Serafine von Überwald]]
*[[Guye von Überwald|Baron Guye von Überwald]]
*[[Wolfgang von Überwald]]
*[[Sally von Humpeding]]
*[[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Gryle]] - Banshee
*[[Rhys Rhysson]] - [[Low King]] of the dwarfs
*[[Albrecht Albrechtson]] - Head of senior dwarf family
*[[Dee]] - Jar'akh'haga or 'the Ideas Taster' to the Low King.
*[[Tantony]] - Captain of the [[Bonk]] Watch
*Igor at the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
*Lots of other [[Igor]]s.
*[[Sharn|Madam Sharn]]
*[[Ardent]] - [[Grag]]
*[[Hamcrusher]] - [[Grag]]
*Mr [[Nutt]]
*[[Otto Chriek]]
*[[Detritus]]
*[[Cheery Littlebottom]]

==Books Featuring Uberwald ==
*{{UA}}
*{{CJ}}
*{{TFE}}
*{{WA}}
*{{TAMAHER}}
*{{GP}}
*{{MR}}

==Annotation==
On [[Roundworld]] "Überwald" is the literal German translation of {{wp|Transylvania|Transylvania}} ("beyond [over] the forest"), where big part of the population is German-speaking, so the language of the inhabitants of Überwald has also German-like accent.

One of the most famous European empires was the Holy Roman Empire. The most famous royal house in it was the House of Habsburg, which used a double-headed eagle as its symbol and originated in eastern Europe. Of course, the Unholy Empire was more straightforward, being both an empire and unholy; the Holy Roman Empire by Voltaire's time was not holy, Roman, or an empire.

Pratchett himself confesses that this country is simply a collection of horror movie cliches especially those associated with the Hammer movies. As a result the fine lads and lasses over at [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Uberwald TV Tropes] have decided to name the whole trope of a spooky European kingdom with haunted castles, vampires, werewolves and fearful peasants everywhere you look ''Uberwald'', in fact I can do no better than to shamelessly rip off their entry:

A generic sort of "eastern Europe" area. There are peasants everywhere, and spooky old towns. Castles in the mountains abound, where one may find vampires, mad scientists, or the curse of the werewolf. Half of the population is gypsies who are easily angered and have funny accents.

A late sixties' Hammer horror was called ''Theatre of Horror'', and used the idea of a travelling circus which carried among its number several vampire performers, who could perform, eat, then move on before they were noticed. Given that it may have used the doubly horrifying concept of a vampire clown, this makes the idea of Müning being the centre of Überwaldean clowning doubly more plausible and infinitely more scary.

In the 1931 film version of Stoker's ''Dracula'', Van Helsing refelects:- "According to van Helsing, the Count "must indeed have been that Voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk, over the great river on the very frontier of Turkey-land. If it be so, then was he no common man: for in that time, and for centuries after, he was spoken of as the cleverest and the most cunning, as well as the bravest of the sons of the '''''land beyond the forest'''''"

[[de:Überwald]]

[[Category:Discworld geography|Uberwald]]

Überwald

2013-02-22T21:44:44Z

Dromandkass: /* People */

Formerly the Dark Empire, Evil Empire or Unholy Empire, with the double-headed bat as symbol, and once ruled by a [[Sourcerer]] known as the Evil Emperor, who was, well, evil. Under the [[Evil Empire]], [[Orcs|all sorts of nasty things]] were created and used in war. As [[John Hicks]] puts it in {{UA}}, "you got what it said on the Iron Maiden".

Überwald describes a huge mountainous region of wintry climate. The ruling nobility of the land is composed of feudal [[werewolves|werewolf]] and [[vampires|vampire]] families. Lately, the [[dwarfs]] have also come into power. There are many [[trolls]] in the distant mountains, warring against the dwarfs, but in cities such as [[Bonk]], trolls are considered semi-sentient slaves. Humans are still mostly in the roles of "townspeople" or "exploited citizens". Most [[Igor|Igors]] come from Überwald, where they traditionally serve those on the far side of sanity, using the excellent local lightning for their experiments. Überwaldean is said to be a good cursing language.

The principal town in Überwald is [[Bonk]].

Major appearances of the region are in {{WA}}, {{CJ}}, {{T5E}}, and {{MR}}. Überwald is also often colloquially mentioned as the dark and mysterious place ruled and indeed overrun by the undead and bandits, standing in the middle of the continent, cutting off the traffic between the [[Sto Plains]] and [[Genua]].

The region is briefly visited by the [[Lancre]] witches in {{WA}}, where a local [[Vampires|vampire]] is defeated by a combination of [[Nanny Ogg]]'s garlic sausage, [[Magrat Garlick|Magrat]]'s insistence on sleeping with the window open, and [[Greebo]]'s irritation that a mouse with wings is trying to change shape on him.
In truth, Überwald also has many small towns with just your ordinary rural town people, not very mean, not very nice ({{TAMAHER}}, {{GP}}).

Überwald is also home to many of the older races such as [[Centaur]]s.

It is noted by [[Lord Vetinari]] that mapmakers often fill in blank areas of Überwaldean maps with the phrase 'MMBU,' or 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Überwald' In the same way Africa mapmakers used to mark their maps 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Africa'.

==Economy==
The area does not come across as particularly wealthy, and is thinly populated. The main source of income seems to be mining, both metals and fat. Recently the [[Grand Trunk]] has reached Bonk, connecting this part of the continent with the rest of the world.

==Cities, towns and locations==
* [[Bad Blintz]]
* Bad Heisses Bad
* [[Bad Schüschein]]
* [[Bonk]]
* [[Bugs]]
* [[Escrow]]
* [[Lipwig]]
* [[Schmaltzberg]]
* [[Don'tgonearthe Castle]]
* [[Müning]]
* [[Splinz]]
* [[Klotz]] - on the [[River Ah]]
* [[Glitz]]
* [[Slake]]
* [[Wilinus Pass]]

===Noble Families===

*[[Margolotta]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Dragoul von Salic|von Salic]] - Vampire Counts
*[[John Smith|von Vilinus]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Crazed Baron Haha|Haha]] - Human Barons
*[[Guye von Uberwald|von Uberwald]] - Werewolf Barons
*[[Bela de Magpyr|Magpyr]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Notfaroutoe]] - Vampire Counts (bloodline now extinct in Uberwald, last heir living in Ankh-Morpork)

==People==
Some of the better known people from Überwald:
*Delphine [[Angua von Überwald]]
*Lady [[Margolotta]]
*[[Serafine von Überwald|Baroness Serafine von Überwald]]
*[[Guye von Überwald|Baron Guye von Überwald]]
*[[Wolfgang von Überwald]]
*[[Sally von Humpeding]]
*[[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Gryle]] Banshee
*[[Rhys Rhysson]], [[Low King]] of the dwarfs
*[[Albrecht Albrechtson]] Head of senior dwarf family
*[[Dee]], Jar'akh'haga or 'the Ideas Taster' to the Low King.
*Captain [[Tantony]] of the Bonk Watch
*Igor at the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
*Lots of other [[Igor]]s.
*[[Sharn|Madam Sharn]]
*[[Ardent]] [[Grag]]
*[[Hamcrusher]] [[Grag]]
*Mr [[Nutt]]
*[[Otto Chriek]]
*[[Detritus]]
*[[Cheery Littlebottom]]

==Books Featuring Uberwald ==
*{{UA}}
*{{CJ}}
*{{TFE}}
*{{WA}}
*{{TAMAHER}}
*{{GP}}
*{{MR}}

==Annotation==
On [[Roundworld]] "Überwald" is the literal German translation of {{wp|Transylvania|Transylvania}} ("beyond [over] the forest"), where big part of the population is German-speaking, so the language of the inhabitants of Überwald has also German-like accent.

One of the most famous European empires was the Holy Roman Empire. The most famous royal house in it was the House of Habsburg, which used a double-headed eagle as its symbol and originated in eastern Europe. Of course, the Unholy Empire was more straightforward, being both an empire and unholy; the Holy Roman Empire by Voltaire's time was not holy, Roman, or an empire.

Pratchett himself confesses that this country is simply a collection of horror movie cliches especially those associated with the Hammer movies. As a result the fine lads and lasses over at [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Uberwald TV Tropes] have decided to name the whole trope of a spooky European kingdom with haunted castles, vampires, werewolves and fearful peasants everywhere you look ''Uberwald'', in fact I can do no better than to shamelessly rip off their entry:

A generic sort of "eastern Europe" area. There are peasants everywhere, and spooky old towns. Castles in the mountains abound, where one may find vampires, mad scientists, or the curse of the werewolf. Half of the population is gypsies who are easily angered and have funny accents.

A late sixties' Hammer horror was called ''Theatre of Horror'', and used the idea of a travelling circus which carried among its number several vampire performers, who could perform, eat, then move on before they were noticed. Given that it may have used the doubly horrifying concept of a vampire clown, this makes the idea of Müning being the centre of Überwaldean clowning doubly more plausible and infinitely more scary.

In the 1931 film version of Stoker's ''Dracula'', Van Helsing refelects:- "According to van Helsing, the Count "must indeed have been that Voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk, over the great river on the very frontier of Turkey-land. If it be so, then was he no common man: for in that time, and for centuries after, he was spoken of as the cleverest and the most cunning, as well as the bravest of the sons of the '''''land beyond the forest'''''"

[[de:Überwald]]

[[Category:Discworld geography|Uberwald]]

Glod Glodsson

2013-02-22T21:41:23Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title= Glod Glodsson
|photo=
|name= Glod Glodsson
|age=
|race= Dwarf

|occupation= Musician
|appearance= Small even for a dwarf

|residence= [[Phedre Road]], Ankh-Morpork

|death= Possibly dead
|parents= [[Glod]] (Father)
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=

|books= {{SM}}
|cameos=
}}

Glod Gloddson is one of those unconventional [[Dwarfs]], who with [[Giamo Casanunda]], [[Hwel]] the playwright, [[Mad]], [[Harry Dread|Armpit]], [[Sharn]], [[Pepe]] and [[Cheery Littlebottom]], express rebellion against the limited life of a conventional Dwarf. Glod is a musician, a horn player, who comes to [[Ankh-Morpork]] apparently after some years' experience elsewhere, since he is first encountered applying for membership in the [[Musicians' Guild]]. In the office he meets [[Imp y Celyn]] and [[Lias Bluestone]], two more newcomers. They join up to try to raise the Guild membership fees and form [[The Band With Rocks In]].

For a time he also acts as the band's leader and financial manager, not very effectively as the latter.

The other two are from ethnic traditional music in rural areas, but Glod is an experienced professional. His heritage has instilled an affinity for gold, of course, but Glod's attitude is pure musician.

"Famous I don't know about. It's hard to be famous and alive. I just want to play music every day and hear someone say, 'thanks, that was great, here is some money, same time tomorrow, ok?'" He wants people to say "we need a good horn man - get Glod Glodsson!"

Not that he doesn't become very attached to a bag containing several thousand dollars after the band's tour; he feels that dropping it to save his life wouldn't be a good trade.

Fleeing with the proceeds, the band's coach goes off a cliff very much as [[Mort]]'s did. In one reality, the players seem to have been killed in the fiery crash. In another, Glod may have gone back to see his mother with a very respectable sack of gold.

==Annotation==

On a non-related note, it occurs to me that Glod the dwarf, who is seen to sweat a lot and conscientiously avoid baths of any kind (an affinity with Roundworld musician and soap-dodger Bob Geldof?) has another layer of meaning to his name. Note the concealed "Glod" in the name "Geldof".

In parts of the Welsh borders and especially Flintshire, this is one of the very few Welsh words to have made it the opposite direction and is regularly used in local English.
''Sglod, (s)glod, Glodion, Glods '' are words used to denote potato chips, ie French Fries, as bought in the local chippie such as the one in the alley in Quirm, where the QAYL girls regularly go out of bounds for the taste of fried food. And the girls think the chip fat is too old and dirty and greasy... now TP had to research some Welsh dialogue to get Imp y Celyn's name spot-on and deliver background detail to Llamedosian culture. Just perhaps the secondary Welsh association of "(s)Glod" also lingered?

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[Category:Dwarf characters]]
[[de:Glod Glodson]]

Glod

2013-02-22T21:38:46Z

Dromandkass:

A very short-tempered [[Dwarfs|Dwarf]], but not for the usual straightforward reason - that using a term like "short-tempered dwarf" where a dwarf can hear it is likely to very shortly become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

No, it's all down to a curse placed on the [[Klatch|Klatchian Seriph]] of [[Al-Ybi]] by an unfortunately dyslexic deity. This particular Seriph, at least until the curse was lifted, was forced to endure a situation where everything he touched turned to Glod. Glod being a terminally bad-tempered dwarf from somewhere near the Hub, made more so by being magically transported to a desert city on the Circle Sea and magically duplicated a few thousand times... it is said that to this day, the population of one city is unusually short in stature and bad-tempered.

To add to Glod's woes, towards the end of her life, legendary witch [[Black Aliss]] made the same sort of elementary spelling mistake when she tried to put the frighteners onto a minor royal family who she felt were not showing her enough respect. She duly cursed the princess into having to spin straw into Glod, which must have led to a vast surplus of short-tempered dwarfs being called into existence within the precincts of that palace. According to the memory of [[Nanny Ogg]], he had to be given a large amount of money to go away and not make a scene. ({{WA}}).

[[Glod Glodsson]] of [[The Band With Rocks In]] may be a descendant. In which case he would be wise not to petition any Gods to give him some "great big hits", as we all know Gods appreciate a good joke...

[[Category:Discworld culture]]
[[Category:Dwarf characters]]
[[de:Glod]]

Assassins' Guild

2013-02-21T23:55:51Z

Dromandkass: /* Open Commissions */

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''}}
[[Image:Ass02.png|left|200px]]
Motto: ''NIL MORTIFI, SINE LVCRE''

''No killing without pay''

This is one of the most powerful among the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork]]. The current head of the Assassins' Guild is [[Lord Downey]], who took over after his predecessor, [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]], was killed by [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]] during the events of [[Book:Men at Arms|Men At Arms]]. Its Guildhall is topped with a weathervane like a silhouetted assassin poised to inhume the wind.

Their light and airy Guild house is adjacent to the [[Fools' Guild]] house (see {{MAA}}). Their school is noted for giving one of the best educations you can have. Usually children of high-standing noble families attend the Assassins' school. The school's reputation even reaches into far-off countries. For example, [[71-hour Ahmed]] from [[Klatch]] admitted that he had trained at, and been licensed by, the Guild (see {{J}}), as was King [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] of [[Djelibeybi]].

However, there is always a place for a scholarship boy, partly out of a spirit of ''noblesse oblige'', but mainly because "''any commoner showing an uncommon aptitude for the profession had better bloody well be where ''we'' can see him''." This is, after all, the way the upper classes have traditionally dealt with potentially troublesome but talented outsiders: by absorbing them into the privileged upper class, rather than risk having them outside leading a revolution. Scholarship pupils include [[Inigo Skimmer]], Professor [[Cranberry]], and possibly [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]], who rose all the way to become Guild President.

Scholarship pupils, ie Assassins who are not fortunate enough to be backed by upscale familes or to have an independent income, are as often as not employed by the [[Patrician]] as part of a select and shadowy body of employees known as [[Dark Clerk]]s.

The Assassins have a high moral standard, in their own terms. They scrupulously stick to the rules of their Guild. Those rules include a prohibition of killing without a contract or fee. If you did, you would be a common murderer, not an ''Assassin'' (note the capitalization).

This rule has been broken by the student assassin [[Jonathan Teatime]] (appears in {{H}}). He seemed to kill for the mere pleasure of it, a fact that made him a dangerous criminal, even by Assassins' standards. If it were not for the events of ''Hogfather'', he may have had to be disposed of in a discreet manner by his fellows.

Assassins should wear black, a rule that has been challenged by [[Havelock Vetinari]], while he was at the Assassins' school himself. He outdid all the others by wearing various shades of grey and green to blend better into the shadows. However, Vetinari is said to have actually ''failed'' his first attempt at the exam in Stealth and Concealment, simply because the adjudicating senior Assassin thought he hadn't bothered to turn up. Vetinari re-sat the exam, taking care to strive for something less than 100% effectiveness, and passed with a high mark.

Others who wore black only were not as effective. See the Hon.[[John Bleedwell]]. Lord Downey and Lord Vetinari were old enemies during their school years (see {{NW}}).

Only two people have been taken off their scale of fees so far. No assassination contract will be accepted either for Lord Vetinari, nor for Commander [[Samuel Vimes]]. The reasons are that even the Assassins think that Vetinari alive is much less a threat than a dead Vetinari, as you can never be sure whether he will stay dead. As for Sam Vimes, multiple assassinations have been planned, attempted and failed. He seems to be too ingenious in outwitting and ruining every attempt, and the assassins have finally given up on him, at least for the time being. A third, ostensibly active, contract is more of an embarrassment: it is known that the Guild has an open contract on Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs of the City Watch. This has not been retracted, but is for such a derisorily small amount of money (fivepence) that no self-respecting Guild member would ever accept it. It is perhaps there as a joke of some kind, and in any case Commander Vimes would get very ''intense'' if ever the Assasins went after one of his men.

Most of the gentlemen, and at least one woman, from the noble family [[Selachii]] are trained and licensed Assassins.

The Guild has an impressive library, known as the Dark library, where their section on famous assassinations, weaponry and the methodology of inhumation is rumoured to be greater than even that of the Library at [[Unseen University]]. The Guild also takes great pride in their history of inhumations. They maintain a long gallery of famous people the Guild has inhumed, with small silver nameplates modestly telling which assassin had the privilege of inhuming them. It is considered the highest honor for an assassin to have that small, silver nameplate discreetly placed near their famous inhumations. There is also a museum showing various artefacts that have helped certain people to an earlier grave than they had anticipated. The fabled [[gonne]] was kept here until it was stolen by [[Edward d'Eath]].

The Guild is known to hold a number of inter-house competitions within the Guild School including the [[Wilkinson Cup]].

==Masters of the Guild of Assassins==

*Sir [[Gyles de Munforte]] (Founder)
*Dr Gulliaume de Chacal (First Head Master)
* [[Follett|Dr. Follett]] (in {{NW}})
* [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]] (until the events of {{MAA}})
* [[Lord Downey]] (in various books since {{MAA}})

==Members of the Guild of Assassins==

Important Assassins who have been mentioned in the Discworld books include:

* Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] Holding the Title 'Provost of Assassins' and the following degrees: DMAP, DM, DGS, MA, MPE, MASc, MIDD, BScI & DiPE (appears in various books)
* [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] (in {{P}})
* [[71-hour Ahmed]] (in {{J}})
* [[Jonathan Teatime]] (in {{H}})
* [[Inigo Skimmer]] (in {{TFE}})
* "Professor" [[Cranberry]] (not a genuinely conferred title - in {{MM}})
* Mr [[Winvoe]], Guild Treasurer, encountered in {{H}}
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]], thwarted in {{SM}}
* Señor [[Miguel Portijo]], Selachii's co-thwartee and assistant

Other Assassins mentioned in the books, as cameos or non-speaking characters:-

* [[Grinjo]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]]
* Sir [[Richard Liddeley]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* [[Urmond]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Vyrt]] (mentioned in {{P}})
* [[Remora Selachii]]
* [[Arachne]], a graduate with a passion for wildlife. Well, certain sorts, anyway.

Named student Assassins:-

*[[Cheesewright]]
*[[Chidder]]
*[[Fliemoe]]
* Arthur [[Ludorum]]
* Ludo [[Ludorum]]
* [[Snoxall]]
* [[Jocasta Wiggs]]

==Guild Tutors==

Current College Tutors, as listed in [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Guild Diary]]
* Lord [[Downey]], MA (Master of Assassins, Head Tutor & Guild President)
* Mr [[Mericet]], DMAP, MA, BScI (Under Master, teaches Strategy and Poison Theory)
* The Extremely Reverend Dr [[A-Pox-Upon-Their-Houses Jenkins]], DGS (Religious Studies/Guild Chaplin)
* Mr Moody, BW (Personal Grooming)
* Baron Strifenkanen, DMAP (Applied Pathology)
* [[de Yoyo|Kompt de Yoyo]], DM, DL (Modern Languages and Music)
* Dr [[Von Ubersetzer]], DL (Ancient Languages)
* M. de Balourd, MIDD (Dance and Deportment)
* Mme les [[Deux-Epees]], MA, DiPE (Fencing and Edged Weapons)
* Mr Linbury-Court, MA (History)
* Mr [[Lamister]]
* Mr [[Bradlofrudd]], DiPE (Llamedos) (Physical Education)
* Miss [[Alice Band|Band]], DiPE (Climbing, Traps, Locks)
* Miss Smith-Rhodes (Domestic Science and Organic Poisons)
* Professor [[Stone]], MASc (Alchemy and Metalwork)
* Lady [[T'malia|T'Malia]], MA, MPE, BScI (Political Expediency)
* Mr [[Graumunchen]], MA (Geography)
* Mr Schotter, MS (Mathematics)
* Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]], MA, BScI ((Traps & Advanced Ambush)

==Guild Staff & Servants==

The guild has a dedicated staff performing all the vital roles required by any large organisation. While not assassins themselves, they have had years of experience within the guild, and young students would be unwise to unset any of them.

* the [[Chief Armourer]] (currently vacant)
*Mr Carter, MGB - Chief Butler
*Mr Winvoe, MGAU - Bursar
*Mrs Collar - Bedder
*Guild [[Doctor]] (at the time of {{P}}).
*Sister Lister, SSSHS - Matron
*Mr Robey - Scullion
*Mr Bracegirdle - Porter
*Mr [[Maroon]] - Porter
*Mr [[Stippler]] - Porter
*Mr Bearhugger - Head Brewer
*Monsieur Insignes-Forvant, FGC - Chef
*Taster (currently vacant)
*Mr [[Wussie Staid]] - Janitor
*[[Washable Topsy]] - laundress

==School Houses==

Within the Guild, the school is broken into Houses, each with a House Tutor. A list follows of these Houses and their Heads of House:
* [[Viper House]] (Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]])
* [[Scorpion House]] (Lady [[T'malia]])
* [[Tump House]] (Miss [[Alice Band]])
* Broken Moons House (Mr Moody)
* Raguineau's (Baron Strifenkanan)
* [[Pernypopax Dampier House]] (Professor [[Stone]])
* Cobra House (Mr [[Mericet]])
* [[Wigblock Prior]] ([[Kompt de Yoyo]])
* [[B2 House]] [day pupils] (Dr [[von Ubersetzer]])
* [[C1 House]] [day pupils] (Dr Perdore)
* [[Mykkim House]] (Mr Linbury-Court)
* [[Mrs Beddowe's House]] (M. le Balourd)
* [[Tree Frog House]] [day pupils] (Mr [[Bradlofrudd]])
* [[Black Widow House]] [girls] (Mme les [[Deux-Epées]])
* [[Welcome Soap House]] (Mr [[Graumunchen]])
* [[Raven House]] (Miss [[Smith-Rhodes]])

''"The Assassins' Guild School was created by taking a classic British public school and turning all the knobs up past eleven, especiially the one marked 'violence'"'' (Terry Pratchett, quoted in {{AOD}})

== School Uniform ==

As with educational establishments all over the Multiverse, the initial uniform handed out to pupils of eleven, twelve and thirteen is issued out of a sadistic desire to impress on the wearer exactly how lowly an insect they are in God's garden, and to instill in the wearer, entirely of his or her own volition, a desire to succeed and get to the point where the hated rags may be discarded in favour of something with at least the ''potential'' to carry a bit more style.

Thus we have:-

''Girls, eleven-thirteen'': the Guild School stipulates white blouse, shapeless; a black gymslip or pinafore; black wooly stockings or tights (sixty to eighty denier) sensible flat shoes without adornment, and a round black hat known as the Blonker. The Guild Crest must be visibly apparent at the right breast or lapel.

''Boys, eleven - thirteen'':- must adopt the New Bod uniform of a midnight blue frock coat and knee britches, worn with cream waistcoat and ruffled shirt along with a black tricorn hat of beaver pelt. Scholarship and Charity boys will be distinguished at all times by wearing white duck trousers as well as the white scholars' gown.

Both sexes Take Black in the third year and are allowed to wear black clothing.

The traditional Assassins' hand signal is that of two fingers pressed against a thumb - the otherwise-universal sign for money. Without which, of course, assassination wouldn't take place. They do not murder indiscriminately, as that would be rank bad form. No, no, they are not common killers. They would take that most ill, should you be rash enough to suggest it. No, they are merely gentlemen who, for a consideration, may see their way clear to smoothing some of life's problems for other gentlemen.

Sam Vimes hates them with a passion. Ironically, he(thanks to his marriage to Sybil) holds the deed to the land on which the Assassins' Guild rests.

==Businesses==

The Guild runs a rather specialised home insurance service: if someone breaks into a house insured by the Guild, an automatic contract is put out on their lives. Houses insured by the guild displays a Guild seal. It is not clear what issues of professional courtesy and [[demarcation]] this raises with the [[Thieves' Guild]]. It might be assumed that this is regarded as an inter-Guild courtesy, if the break-in were to be carried out by unlicenced Thieves; should the Guild take out a contract on a licenced Thieves' Guild member merely because that Thief is acting in accordance with their own Guild rights and privileges, however, such a contract might be on more shaky ground. Besides, the Thieves' Guild offer their own similar insurance policies to householders - does this breach demarcation?

One such house is the [[De Worde|De Worde's]] house as mentioned in {{TT}}.

As well as inhumations and insurance, the Guild is also known to offer bodyguarding and security consultancy services - ie, the exact opposite to inhumation. But the core business activity remains what it always was - evidenced by the [[Inhumation Bell]] ringing at least once every day.

==Degrees==

The following degrees are awarded by the Guild and associate guilds:
*MA Master Assassins
*MPE Master of Political Expediency
*BScI Bachelor of the Science of Inhumation
*DiHI Diploma of Homicidal Insanity
*DL Doctor of Languages
*MIDD Member of the Institute of Dance & Deportment
*DiPE Diploma in Physical Education
*MASc Master of Alchemical Science
*DMAP Doctor of Medicine & Applied Pathology
*BW Bachelor of Wig-making
*DM Doctor of Music
*MS Master of Sums
*DGS Doctor of God Studies
*SSSHS Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed [[Sek]]
*MGAU Member of the Guild of Accountants and Usurers
*MGB Member of the Guild of Butlers
*FGC Fellow of the Guild of Chefs

==Open Commissions==
The Guild has the following open commissions, several of which have claimed the lives of aspiring assassins, others have not been taken up, or the 'client' cannot be located:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Client !! Fee !! Commission
|-
| The [[Hogfather]] || AM$3,000,000 || Has expired (original contract called for the inhumation to occur within 3 days) The contract was placed by the [[Auditors of Reality]]. They did not paid in coin as such, using instead blank gold discs. This challenging contract was given to [[Jonathan Teatime]]. His body was never found.

|-
| Lord [[Havelock Vetinari|Vetinari]] || AM$1,000,000 || Officially unlisted. The Patrician has now been taken off the register in recognition that his death would be damaging to the interests of both the city and the Guild. In the days when he was a viable target Lord Vetinari accepted attempts on his life with good grace, understanding that it was a necessary part of the political process. However, he also held the view that ''the dog is only allowed one bite at the apple'' and the Assassins that attempted this commission were never seen again.

|-
| [[Rincewind]] the Wizard || AM$950,000 || Though he is not a violent man, Rincewind is a born survivor. Assassins attempting this contract have [[The Lady|suffered unfortunate mishaps]]; some were hit by falling tiles, struck by lightning, or waylaid and eaten by Rincewind's [[The Luggage|traveling accessory]].

|-
| The Duke of Ankh, Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] || AM$940,000 and rising || Numerous commissions were placed upon the commander of the Watch, often by nobles such as the [[Rust]] and [[Selachii]] families. [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]], Sir [[Richard Liddeley]] and [[Jocasta Wiggs|Wiggs Sr]] have all attempted to inhume the commander, only to find too late that he plays not by any rules, but to win. He also has a cunning and inventive mind when it comes to traps. This lesson is periodically reinforced by [[Jocasta Wiggs|unpleasant but non-lethal things which seem to happen to student Assassins sent on reconnaissance missions]]. He is now officially unlisted, but Vimes has since has appealed to have this overturned.

|-
| [[Reacher Gilt]] || A very large, undisclosed sum. || This was placed by the bankers of Ankh following his actions bankrupting one of their number, and threatening the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Those who guard said gold do not like those who get in the way of the sun.

|-
| [[Moist von Lipwig]] || AM$100,000 || Only to be fulfilled if Moist failed in the duty of care for [[Mr Fusspot]] left to him by [[Topsy Lavish|Mrs Lavish]].

|-
| [[The Duck Man]] || AM$132,000 || It is unknown who has placed this contract, and so far all assassins have been too curious about the strange nature of the target to accept.

|-
| [[The Band With Rocks In]] (Imp y Celyn, Glod, & Lias/Cliff) || Sum never disclosed || Mentioned in {{SM}}. Contract was taken out by the [[Musicians' Guild]] but no price referred to. The Assassins' Guild decided to no longer entertain the contract, and refunded the fee.

|-
| [[Nobby Nobbs]] || AM$4.31 || Believed to have been placed as a joke by some of members of the Watch. Commander Vimes has let it be know that he 'will be upset' if this commission is carried out...

|-
| [[Foul Ole Ron]] || One groat || No assassin would dream of killing someone for such a low sum. In any case Foul Ole Ron's Smell would prevent anyone getting closer that bow-shot range.

|-
| [[Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]] || Tuppence || Price given by one Assassin (Lord Robert Selachii) to another (his apprentice) whilst pursuing Dibbler's associates, the Band With Rocks In, in {{SM}}. The response given was "It's certainly tempting..."
|}

==Annotation==

There is a continuity error here, or perhaps information is yet to be released, concerning the all-female Houses at the Assassins' Guild school.

The '''''{{AGD}}''''' and the '''''{{NDC}}''''' agree on the Houses of study, and on their housemasters/mistresses, as given above. These can be taken to be a consensus reality. However, in his notes to Kidby's artwork in '''''The Art of Discworld''''', Terry is very specific that there is also a Mantis House, newly established for female pupils, which has [[Alice Band]] as its resident Housemistress.

Naming a house after a female insect which kills and eats its mate would make sense in this context, especially as a replacement for the rather prosaic [[Tump House]] (apparently named after a district of the city, which was rather disappointing). But "Mantis House" is named only once, whereas Tump House gets several referents. There are, as yet, few women on the Guild faculty, so possibly Miss Band's assignment as housemistress was changed when Mantis House opened, and another faculty member now oversees Tump House.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Assassinengilde]]

Assassins' Guild

2013-02-21T23:47:24Z

Dromandkass: /* Masters of the Guild of Assassins */

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''}}
[[Image:Ass02.png|left|200px]]
Motto: ''NIL MORTIFI, SINE LVCRE''

''No killing without pay''

This is one of the most powerful among the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork]]. The current head of the Assassins' Guild is [[Lord Downey]], who took over after his predecessor, [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]], was killed by [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]] during the events of [[Book:Men at Arms|Men At Arms]]. Its Guildhall is topped with a weathervane like a silhouetted assassin poised to inhume the wind.

Their light and airy Guild house is adjacent to the [[Fools' Guild]] house (see {{MAA}}). Their school is noted for giving one of the best educations you can have. Usually children of high-standing noble families attend the Assassins' school. The school's reputation even reaches into far-off countries. For example, [[71-hour Ahmed]] from [[Klatch]] admitted that he had trained at, and been licensed by, the Guild (see {{J}}), as was King [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] of [[Djelibeybi]].

However, there is always a place for a scholarship boy, partly out of a spirit of ''noblesse oblige'', but mainly because "''any commoner showing an uncommon aptitude for the profession had better bloody well be where ''we'' can see him''." This is, after all, the way the upper classes have traditionally dealt with potentially troublesome but talented outsiders: by absorbing them into the privileged upper class, rather than risk having them outside leading a revolution. Scholarship pupils include [[Inigo Skimmer]], Professor [[Cranberry]], and possibly [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]], who rose all the way to become Guild President.

Scholarship pupils, ie Assassins who are not fortunate enough to be backed by upscale familes or to have an independent income, are as often as not employed by the [[Patrician]] as part of a select and shadowy body of employees known as [[Dark Clerk]]s.

The Assassins have a high moral standard, in their own terms. They scrupulously stick to the rules of their Guild. Those rules include a prohibition of killing without a contract or fee. If you did, you would be a common murderer, not an ''Assassin'' (note the capitalization).

This rule has been broken by the student assassin [[Jonathan Teatime]] (appears in {{H}}). He seemed to kill for the mere pleasure of it, a fact that made him a dangerous criminal, even by Assassins' standards. If it were not for the events of ''Hogfather'', he may have had to be disposed of in a discreet manner by his fellows.

Assassins should wear black, a rule that has been challenged by [[Havelock Vetinari]], while he was at the Assassins' school himself. He outdid all the others by wearing various shades of grey and green to blend better into the shadows. However, Vetinari is said to have actually ''failed'' his first attempt at the exam in Stealth and Concealment, simply because the adjudicating senior Assassin thought he hadn't bothered to turn up. Vetinari re-sat the exam, taking care to strive for something less than 100% effectiveness, and passed with a high mark.

Others who wore black only were not as effective. See the Hon.[[John Bleedwell]]. Lord Downey and Lord Vetinari were old enemies during their school years (see {{NW}}).

Only two people have been taken off their scale of fees so far. No assassination contract will be accepted either for Lord Vetinari, nor for Commander [[Samuel Vimes]]. The reasons are that even the Assassins think that Vetinari alive is much less a threat than a dead Vetinari, as you can never be sure whether he will stay dead. As for Sam Vimes, multiple assassinations have been planned, attempted and failed. He seems to be too ingenious in outwitting and ruining every attempt, and the assassins have finally given up on him, at least for the time being. A third, ostensibly active, contract is more of an embarrassment: it is known that the Guild has an open contract on Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs of the City Watch. This has not been retracted, but is for such a derisorily small amount of money (fivepence) that no self-respecting Guild member would ever accept it. It is perhaps there as a joke of some kind, and in any case Commander Vimes would get very ''intense'' if ever the Assasins went after one of his men.

Most of the gentlemen, and at least one woman, from the noble family [[Selachii]] are trained and licensed Assassins.

The Guild has an impressive library, known as the Dark library, where their section on famous assassinations, weaponry and the methodology of inhumation is rumoured to be greater than even that of the Library at [[Unseen University]]. The Guild also takes great pride in their history of inhumations. They maintain a long gallery of famous people the Guild has inhumed, with small silver nameplates modestly telling which assassin had the privilege of inhuming them. It is considered the highest honor for an assassin to have that small, silver nameplate discreetly placed near their famous inhumations. There is also a museum showing various artefacts that have helped certain people to an earlier grave than they had anticipated. The fabled [[gonne]] was kept here until it was stolen by [[Edward d'Eath]].

The Guild is known to hold a number of inter-house competitions within the Guild School including the [[Wilkinson Cup]].

==Masters of the Guild of Assassins==

*Sir [[Gyles de Munforte]] (Founder)
*Dr Gulliaume de Chacal (First Head Master)
* [[Follett|Dr. Follett]] (in {{NW}})
* [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]] (until the events of {{MAA}})
* [[Lord Downey]] (in various books since {{MAA}})

==Members of the Guild of Assassins==

Important Assassins who have been mentioned in the Discworld books include:

* Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] Holding the Title 'Provost of Assassins' and the following degrees: DMAP, DM, DGS, MA, MPE, MASc, MIDD, BScI & DiPE (appears in various books)
* [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] (in {{P}})
* [[71-hour Ahmed]] (in {{J}})
* [[Jonathan Teatime]] (in {{H}})
* [[Inigo Skimmer]] (in {{TFE}})
* "Professor" [[Cranberry]] (not a genuinely conferred title - in {{MM}})
* Mr [[Winvoe]], Guild Treasurer, encountered in {{H}}
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]], thwarted in {{SM}}
* Señor [[Miguel Portijo]], Selachii's co-thwartee and assistant

Other Assassins mentioned in the books, as cameos or non-speaking characters:-

* [[Grinjo]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]]
* Sir [[Richard Liddeley]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* [[Urmond]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Vyrt]] (mentioned in {{P}})
* [[Remora Selachii]]
* [[Arachne]], a graduate with a passion for wildlife. Well, certain sorts, anyway.

Named student Assassins:-

*[[Cheesewright]]
*[[Chidder]]
*[[Fliemoe]]
* Arthur [[Ludorum]]
* Ludo [[Ludorum]]
* [[Snoxall]]
* [[Jocasta Wiggs]]

==Guild Tutors==

Current College Tutors, as listed in [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Guild Diary]]
* Lord [[Downey]], MA (Master of Assassins, Head Tutor & Guild President)
* Mr [[Mericet]], DMAP, MA, BScI (Under Master, teaches Strategy and Poison Theory)
* The Extremely Reverend Dr [[A-Pox-Upon-Their-Houses Jenkins]], DGS (Religious Studies/Guild Chaplin)
* Mr Moody, BW (Personal Grooming)
* Baron Strifenkanen, DMAP (Applied Pathology)
* [[de Yoyo|Kompt de Yoyo]], DM, DL (Modern Languages and Music)
* Dr [[Von Ubersetzer]], DL (Ancient Languages)
* M. de Balourd, MIDD (Dance and Deportment)
* Mme les [[Deux-Epees]], MA, DiPE (Fencing and Edged Weapons)
* Mr Linbury-Court, MA (History)
* Mr [[Lamister]]
* Mr [[Bradlofrudd]], DiPE (Llamedos) (Physical Education)
* Miss [[Alice Band|Band]], DiPE (Climbing, Traps, Locks)
* Miss Smith-Rhodes (Domestic Science and Organic Poisons)
* Professor [[Stone]], MASc (Alchemy and Metalwork)
* Lady [[T'malia|T'Malia]], MA, MPE, BScI (Political Expediency)
* Mr [[Graumunchen]], MA (Geography)
* Mr Schotter, MS (Mathematics)
* Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]], MA, BScI ((Traps & Advanced Ambush)

==Guild Staff & Servants==

The guild has a dedicated staff performing all the vital roles required by any large organisation. While not assassins themselves, they have had years of experience within the guild, and young students would be unwise to unset any of them.

* the [[Chief Armourer]] (currently vacant)
*Mr Carter, MGB - Chief Butler
*Mr Winvoe, MGAU - Bursar
*Mrs Collar - Bedder
*Guild [[Doctor]] (at the time of {{P}}).
*Sister Lister, SSSHS - Matron
*Mr Robey - Scullion
*Mr Bracegirdle - Porter
*Mr [[Maroon]] - Porter
*Mr [[Stippler]] - Porter
*Mr Bearhugger - Head Brewer
*Monsieur Insignes-Forvant, FGC - Chef
*Taster (currently vacant)
*Mr [[Wussie Staid]] - Janitor
*[[Washable Topsy]] - laundress

==School Houses==

Within the Guild, the school is broken into Houses, each with a House Tutor. A list follows of these Houses and their Heads of House:
* [[Viper House]] (Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]])
* [[Scorpion House]] (Lady [[T'malia]])
* [[Tump House]] (Miss [[Alice Band]])
* Broken Moons House (Mr Moody)
* Raguineau's (Baron Strifenkanan)
* [[Pernypopax Dampier House]] (Professor [[Stone]])
* Cobra House (Mr [[Mericet]])
* [[Wigblock Prior]] ([[Kompt de Yoyo]])
* [[B2 House]] [day pupils] (Dr [[von Ubersetzer]])
* [[C1 House]] [day pupils] (Dr Perdore)
* [[Mykkim House]] (Mr Linbury-Court)
* [[Mrs Beddowe's House]] (M. le Balourd)
* [[Tree Frog House]] [day pupils] (Mr [[Bradlofrudd]])
* [[Black Widow House]] [girls] (Mme les [[Deux-Epées]])
* [[Welcome Soap House]] (Mr [[Graumunchen]])
* [[Raven House]] (Miss [[Smith-Rhodes]])

''"The Assassins' Guild School was created by taking a classic British public school and turning all the knobs up past eleven, especiially the one marked 'violence'"'' (Terry Pratchett, quoted in {{AOD}})

== School Uniform ==

As with educational establishments all over the Multiverse, the initial uniform handed out to pupils of eleven, twelve and thirteen is issued out of a sadistic desire to impress on the wearer exactly how lowly an insect they are in God's garden, and to instill in the wearer, entirely of his or her own volition, a desire to succeed and get to the point where the hated rags may be discarded in favour of something with at least the ''potential'' to carry a bit more style.

Thus we have:-

''Girls, eleven-thirteen'': the Guild School stipulates white blouse, shapeless; a black gymslip or pinafore; black wooly stockings or tights (sixty to eighty denier) sensible flat shoes without adornment, and a round black hat known as the Blonker. The Guild Crest must be visibly apparent at the right breast or lapel.

''Boys, eleven - thirteen'':- must adopt the New Bod uniform of a midnight blue frock coat and knee britches, worn with cream waistcoat and ruffled shirt along with a black tricorn hat of beaver pelt. Scholarship and Charity boys will be distinguished at all times by wearing white duck trousers as well as the white scholars' gown.

Both sexes Take Black in the third year and are allowed to wear black clothing.

The traditional Assassins' hand signal is that of two fingers pressed against a thumb - the otherwise-universal sign for money. Without which, of course, assassination wouldn't take place. They do not murder indiscriminately, as that would be rank bad form. No, no, they are not common killers. They would take that most ill, should you be rash enough to suggest it. No, they are merely gentlemen who, for a consideration, may see their way clear to smoothing some of life's problems for other gentlemen.

Sam Vimes hates them with a passion. Ironically, he(thanks to his marriage to Sybil) holds the deed to the land on which the Assassins' Guild rests.

==Businesses==

The Guild runs a rather specialised home insurance service: if someone breaks into a house insured by the Guild, an automatic contract is put out on their lives. Houses insured by the guild displays a Guild seal. It is not clear what issues of professional courtesy and [[demarcation]] this raises with the [[Thieves' Guild]]. It might be assumed that this is regarded as an inter-Guild courtesy, if the break-in were to be carried out by unlicenced Thieves; should the Guild take out a contract on a licenced Thieves' Guild member merely because that Thief is acting in accordance with their own Guild rights and privileges, however, such a contract might be on more shaky ground. Besides, the Thieves' Guild offer their own similar insurance policies to householders - does this breach demarcation?

One such house is the [[De Worde|De Worde's]] house as mentioned in {{TT}}.

As well as inhumations and insurance, the Guild is also known to offer bodyguarding and security consultancy services - ie, the exact opposite to inhumation. But the core business activity remains what it always was - evidenced by the [[Inhumation Bell]] ringing at least once every day.

==Degrees==

The following degrees are awarded by the Guild and associate guilds:
*MA Master Assassins
*MPE Master of Political Expediency
*BScI Bachelor of the Science of Inhumation
*DiHI Diploma of Homicidal Insanity
*DL Doctor of Languages
*MIDD Member of the Institute of Dance & Deportment
*DiPE Diploma in Physical Education
*MASc Master of Alchemical Science
*DMAP Doctor of Medicine & Applied Pathology
*BW Bachelor of Wig-making
*DM Doctor of Music
*MS Master of Sums
*DGS Doctor of God Studies
*SSSHS Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed [[Sek]]
*MGAU Member of the Guild of Accountants and Usurers
*MGB Member of the Guild of Butlers
*FGC Fellow of the Guild of Chefs

==Open Commissions==
The Guild has the following open commissions, several of which have claimed the lives of aspiring assassins, others have not been taken up, or the 'client' cannot be located:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Client !! Fee !! Commission
|-
| The [[Hogfather]] || AM$3,000,000 || Has expired (original contract called for the inhumation to occur within 3 days) The contract was placed by the [[Auditors of Reality]]. They did not paid in coin as such, using instead blank gold discs. This challenging contract was given to [[Jonathan Teatime]]. His body was never found.

|-
| Lord [[Havelock Vetinari|Vetinari]] || AM$1,000,000 || Officially unlisted. The Patrician has now been taken off the register in recognition that his death would be damaging to the interests of both the city and the Guild. In the days when he was a viable target Lord Vetinari accepted attempts on his life with good grace, understanding that it was a necessary part of the political process. However, he also held the view that ''the dog is only allowed one bite at the apple'' and the Assassins that attempted this commission were never seen again.

|-
| [[Rincewind]] the Wizard || AM$950,000 || Though he is not a violent man, Rincewind is a born survivor. Assassins attempting this contract have suffered unfortunate mishaps; some were hit by falling tiles, struck by lightning, or waylaid and eaten by Rincewind's [[The Luggage|traveling accessory]].

|-
| The Duke of Ankh, Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] || AM$940,000 and rising || Numerous commissions were placed upon the commander of the Watch, often by nobles such as the [[Rust]] and [[Selachii]] families. [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]], Sir [[Richard Liddeley]] and [[Jocasta Wiggs|Wiggs Sr]] have all attempted to inhume the commander, only to find too late that he plays not by any rules, but to win. He also has a cunning and inventive mind when it comes to traps. This lesson is periodically reinforced by [[Jocasta Wiggs|unpleasant but non-lethal things which seem to happen to student Assassins sent on reconnaissance missions]]. He is now officially unlisted, but Vimes has since has appealed to have this overturned.

|-
| [[Reacher Gilt]] || A very large, undisclosed sum. || This was placed by the bankers of Ankh following his actions bankrupting one of their number, and threatening the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Those who guard said gold do not like those who get in the way of the sun.

|-
| [[Moist von Lipwig]] || AM$100,000 || Only to be fulfilled if Moist failed in the duty of care for [[Mr Fusspot]] left to him by [[Topsy Lavish|Mrs Lavish]].

|-
| [[The Duck Man]] || AM$132,000 || It is unknown who has placed this contract, and so far all assassins have been too curious about the strange nature of the target to accept.

|-
| [[The Band With Rocks In]] (Imp y Celyn, Glod, & Lias/Cliff) || Sum never disclosed || Mentioned in {{SM}}. Contract was taken out by the [[Musicians' Guild]] but no price referred to. The Assassins' Guild decided to no longer entertain the contract, and refunded the fee.

|-
| [[Nobby Nobbs]] || AM$4.31 || Believed to have been placed as a joke by some of members of the Watch. Commander Vimes has let it be know that he 'will be upset' if this commission is carried out...

|-
| [[Foul Ole Ron]] || One groat || No assassin would dream of killing someone for such a low sum. In any case Foul Ole Ron's Smell would prevent anyone getting closer that bow-shot range.

|-
| [[Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]] || Tuppence || Price given by one Assassin (Lord Robert Selachii) to another (his apprentice) whilst pursuing Dibbler's associates, the Band With Rocks In, in {{SM}}. The response given was "It's certainly tempting..."
|}

==Annotation==

There is a continuity error here, or perhaps information is yet to be released, concerning the all-female Houses at the Assassins' Guild school.

The '''''{{AGD}}''''' and the '''''{{NDC}}''''' agree on the Houses of study, and on their housemasters/mistresses, as given above. These can be taken to be a consensus reality. However, in his notes to Kidby's artwork in '''''The Art of Discworld''''', Terry is very specific that there is also a Mantis House, newly established for female pupils, which has [[Alice Band]] as its resident Housemistress.

Naming a house after a female insect which kills and eats its mate would make sense in this context, especially as a replacement for the rather prosaic [[Tump House]] (apparently named after a district of the city, which was rather disappointing). But "Mantis House" is named only once, whereas Tump House gets several referents. There are, as yet, few women on the Guild faculty, so possibly Miss Band's assignment as housemistress was changed when Mantis House opened, and another faculty member now oversees Tump House.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Assassinengilde]]

Assassins' Guild

2013-02-21T23:46:23Z

Dromandkass: /* Masters of the Guild of Assassins */

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''}}
[[Image:Ass02.png|left|200px]]
Motto: ''NIL MORTIFI, SINE LVCRE''

''No killing without pay''

This is one of the most powerful among the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork]]. The current head of the Assassins' Guild is [[Lord Downey]], who took over after his predecessor, [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]], was killed by [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]] during the events of [[Book:Men at Arms|Men At Arms]]. Its Guildhall is topped with a weathervane like a silhouetted assassin poised to inhume the wind.

Their light and airy Guild house is adjacent to the [[Fools' Guild]] house (see {{MAA}}). Their school is noted for giving one of the best educations you can have. Usually children of high-standing noble families attend the Assassins' school. The school's reputation even reaches into far-off countries. For example, [[71-hour Ahmed]] from [[Klatch]] admitted that he had trained at, and been licensed by, the Guild (see {{J}}), as was King [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] of [[Djelibeybi]].

However, there is always a place for a scholarship boy, partly out of a spirit of ''noblesse oblige'', but mainly because "''any commoner showing an uncommon aptitude for the profession had better bloody well be where ''we'' can see him''." This is, after all, the way the upper classes have traditionally dealt with potentially troublesome but talented outsiders: by absorbing them into the privileged upper class, rather than risk having them outside leading a revolution. Scholarship pupils include [[Inigo Skimmer]], Professor [[Cranberry]], and possibly [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]], who rose all the way to become Guild President.

Scholarship pupils, ie Assassins who are not fortunate enough to be backed by upscale familes or to have an independent income, are as often as not employed by the [[Patrician]] as part of a select and shadowy body of employees known as [[Dark Clerk]]s.

The Assassins have a high moral standard, in their own terms. They scrupulously stick to the rules of their Guild. Those rules include a prohibition of killing without a contract or fee. If you did, you would be a common murderer, not an ''Assassin'' (note the capitalization).

This rule has been broken by the student assassin [[Jonathan Teatime]] (appears in {{H}}). He seemed to kill for the mere pleasure of it, a fact that made him a dangerous criminal, even by Assassins' standards. If it were not for the events of ''Hogfather'', he may have had to be disposed of in a discreet manner by his fellows.

Assassins should wear black, a rule that has been challenged by [[Havelock Vetinari]], while he was at the Assassins' school himself. He outdid all the others by wearing various shades of grey and green to blend better into the shadows. However, Vetinari is said to have actually ''failed'' his first attempt at the exam in Stealth and Concealment, simply because the adjudicating senior Assassin thought he hadn't bothered to turn up. Vetinari re-sat the exam, taking care to strive for something less than 100% effectiveness, and passed with a high mark.

Others who wore black only were not as effective. See the Hon.[[John Bleedwell]]. Lord Downey and Lord Vetinari were old enemies during their school years (see {{NW}}).

Only two people have been taken off their scale of fees so far. No assassination contract will be accepted either for Lord Vetinari, nor for Commander [[Samuel Vimes]]. The reasons are that even the Assassins think that Vetinari alive is much less a threat than a dead Vetinari, as you can never be sure whether he will stay dead. As for Sam Vimes, multiple assassinations have been planned, attempted and failed. He seems to be too ingenious in outwitting and ruining every attempt, and the assassins have finally given up on him, at least for the time being. A third, ostensibly active, contract is more of an embarrassment: it is known that the Guild has an open contract on Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs of the City Watch. This has not been retracted, but is for such a derisorily small amount of money (fivepence) that no self-respecting Guild member would ever accept it. It is perhaps there as a joke of some kind, and in any case Commander Vimes would get very ''intense'' if ever the Assasins went after one of his men.

Most of the gentlemen, and at least one woman, from the noble family [[Selachii]] are trained and licensed Assassins.

The Guild has an impressive library, known as the Dark library, where their section on famous assassinations, weaponry and the methodology of inhumation is rumoured to be greater than even that of the Library at [[Unseen University]]. The Guild also takes great pride in their history of inhumations. They maintain a long gallery of famous people the Guild has inhumed, with small silver nameplates modestly telling which assassin had the privilege of inhuming them. It is considered the highest honor for an assassin to have that small, silver nameplate discreetly placed near their famous inhumations. There is also a museum showing various artefacts that have helped certain people to an earlier grave than they had anticipated. The fabled [[gonne]] was kept here until it was stolen by [[Edward d'Eath]].

The Guild is known to hold a number of inter-house competitions within the Guild School including the [[Wilkinson Cup]].

==Masters of the Guild of Assassins==

*Sir [[Gyles de Murforte]] (Founder)
*Dr Gulliaume de Chacal (First Head Master)
* [[Follett|Dr. Follett]] (in {{NW}})
* [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]] (until the events of {{MAA}})
* [[Lord Downey]] (in various books since {{MAA}})

==Members of the Guild of Assassins==

Important Assassins who have been mentioned in the Discworld books include:

* Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] Holding the Title 'Provost of Assassins' and the following degrees: DMAP, DM, DGS, MA, MPE, MASc, MIDD, BScI & DiPE (appears in various books)
* [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] (in {{P}})
* [[71-hour Ahmed]] (in {{J}})
* [[Jonathan Teatime]] (in {{H}})
* [[Inigo Skimmer]] (in {{TFE}})
* "Professor" [[Cranberry]] (not a genuinely conferred title - in {{MM}})
* Mr [[Winvoe]], Guild Treasurer, encountered in {{H}}
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]], thwarted in {{SM}}
* Señor [[Miguel Portijo]], Selachii's co-thwartee and assistant

Other Assassins mentioned in the books, as cameos or non-speaking characters:-

* [[Grinjo]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]]
* Sir [[Richard Liddeley]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* [[Urmond]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Vyrt]] (mentioned in {{P}})
* [[Remora Selachii]]
* [[Arachne]], a graduate with a passion for wildlife. Well, certain sorts, anyway.

Named student Assassins:-

*[[Cheesewright]]
*[[Chidder]]
*[[Fliemoe]]
* Arthur [[Ludorum]]
* Ludo [[Ludorum]]
* [[Snoxall]]
* [[Jocasta Wiggs]]

==Guild Tutors==

Current College Tutors, as listed in [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Guild Diary]]
* Lord [[Downey]], MA (Master of Assassins, Head Tutor & Guild President)
* Mr [[Mericet]], DMAP, MA, BScI (Under Master, teaches Strategy and Poison Theory)
* The Extremely Reverend Dr [[A-Pox-Upon-Their-Houses Jenkins]], DGS (Religious Studies/Guild Chaplin)
* Mr Moody, BW (Personal Grooming)
* Baron Strifenkanen, DMAP (Applied Pathology)
* [[de Yoyo|Kompt de Yoyo]], DM, DL (Modern Languages and Music)
* Dr [[Von Ubersetzer]], DL (Ancient Languages)
* M. de Balourd, MIDD (Dance and Deportment)
* Mme les [[Deux-Epees]], MA, DiPE (Fencing and Edged Weapons)
* Mr Linbury-Court, MA (History)
* Mr [[Lamister]]
* Mr [[Bradlofrudd]], DiPE (Llamedos) (Physical Education)
* Miss [[Alice Band|Band]], DiPE (Climbing, Traps, Locks)
* Miss Smith-Rhodes (Domestic Science and Organic Poisons)
* Professor [[Stone]], MASc (Alchemy and Metalwork)
* Lady [[T'malia|T'Malia]], MA, MPE, BScI (Political Expediency)
* Mr [[Graumunchen]], MA (Geography)
* Mr Schotter, MS (Mathematics)
* Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]], MA, BScI ((Traps & Advanced Ambush)

==Guild Staff & Servants==

The guild has a dedicated staff performing all the vital roles required by any large organisation. While not assassins themselves, they have had years of experience within the guild, and young students would be unwise to unset any of them.

* the [[Chief Armourer]] (currently vacant)
*Mr Carter, MGB - Chief Butler
*Mr Winvoe, MGAU - Bursar
*Mrs Collar - Bedder
*Guild [[Doctor]] (at the time of {{P}}).
*Sister Lister, SSSHS - Matron
*Mr Robey - Scullion
*Mr Bracegirdle - Porter
*Mr [[Maroon]] - Porter
*Mr [[Stippler]] - Porter
*Mr Bearhugger - Head Brewer
*Monsieur Insignes-Forvant, FGC - Chef
*Taster (currently vacant)
*Mr [[Wussie Staid]] - Janitor
*[[Washable Topsy]] - laundress

==School Houses==

Within the Guild, the school is broken into Houses, each with a House Tutor. A list follows of these Houses and their Heads of House:
* [[Viper House]] (Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]])
* [[Scorpion House]] (Lady [[T'malia]])
* [[Tump House]] (Miss [[Alice Band]])
* Broken Moons House (Mr Moody)
* Raguineau's (Baron Strifenkanan)
* [[Pernypopax Dampier House]] (Professor [[Stone]])
* Cobra House (Mr [[Mericet]])
* [[Wigblock Prior]] ([[Kompt de Yoyo]])
* [[B2 House]] [day pupils] (Dr [[von Ubersetzer]])
* [[C1 House]] [day pupils] (Dr Perdore)
* [[Mykkim House]] (Mr Linbury-Court)
* [[Mrs Beddowe's House]] (M. le Balourd)
* [[Tree Frog House]] [day pupils] (Mr [[Bradlofrudd]])
* [[Black Widow House]] [girls] (Mme les [[Deux-Epées]])
* [[Welcome Soap House]] (Mr [[Graumunchen]])
* [[Raven House]] (Miss [[Smith-Rhodes]])

''"The Assassins' Guild School was created by taking a classic British public school and turning all the knobs up past eleven, especiially the one marked 'violence'"'' (Terry Pratchett, quoted in {{AOD}})

== School Uniform ==

As with educational establishments all over the Multiverse, the initial uniform handed out to pupils of eleven, twelve and thirteen is issued out of a sadistic desire to impress on the wearer exactly how lowly an insect they are in God's garden, and to instill in the wearer, entirely of his or her own volition, a desire to succeed and get to the point where the hated rags may be discarded in favour of something with at least the ''potential'' to carry a bit more style.

Thus we have:-

''Girls, eleven-thirteen'': the Guild School stipulates white blouse, shapeless; a black gymslip or pinafore; black wooly stockings or tights (sixty to eighty denier) sensible flat shoes without adornment, and a round black hat known as the Blonker. The Guild Crest must be visibly apparent at the right breast or lapel.

''Boys, eleven - thirteen'':- must adopt the New Bod uniform of a midnight blue frock coat and knee britches, worn with cream waistcoat and ruffled shirt along with a black tricorn hat of beaver pelt. Scholarship and Charity boys will be distinguished at all times by wearing white duck trousers as well as the white scholars' gown.

Both sexes Take Black in the third year and are allowed to wear black clothing.

The traditional Assassins' hand signal is that of two fingers pressed against a thumb - the otherwise-universal sign for money. Without which, of course, assassination wouldn't take place. They do not murder indiscriminately, as that would be rank bad form. No, no, they are not common killers. They would take that most ill, should you be rash enough to suggest it. No, they are merely gentlemen who, for a consideration, may see their way clear to smoothing some of life's problems for other gentlemen.

Sam Vimes hates them with a passion. Ironically, he(thanks to his marriage to Sybil) holds the deed to the land on which the Assassins' Guild rests.

==Businesses==

The Guild runs a rather specialised home insurance service: if someone breaks into a house insured by the Guild, an automatic contract is put out on their lives. Houses insured by the guild displays a Guild seal. It is not clear what issues of professional courtesy and [[demarcation]] this raises with the [[Thieves' Guild]]. It might be assumed that this is regarded as an inter-Guild courtesy, if the break-in were to be carried out by unlicenced Thieves; should the Guild take out a contract on a licenced Thieves' Guild member merely because that Thief is acting in accordance with their own Guild rights and privileges, however, such a contract might be on more shaky ground. Besides, the Thieves' Guild offer their own similar insurance policies to householders - does this breach demarcation?

One such house is the [[De Worde|De Worde's]] house as mentioned in {{TT}}.

As well as inhumations and insurance, the Guild is also known to offer bodyguarding and security consultancy services - ie, the exact opposite to inhumation. But the core business activity remains what it always was - evidenced by the [[Inhumation Bell]] ringing at least once every day.

==Degrees==

The following degrees are awarded by the Guild and associate guilds:
*MA Master Assassins
*MPE Master of Political Expediency
*BScI Bachelor of the Science of Inhumation
*DiHI Diploma of Homicidal Insanity
*DL Doctor of Languages
*MIDD Member of the Institute of Dance & Deportment
*DiPE Diploma in Physical Education
*MASc Master of Alchemical Science
*DMAP Doctor of Medicine & Applied Pathology
*BW Bachelor of Wig-making
*DM Doctor of Music
*MS Master of Sums
*DGS Doctor of God Studies
*SSSHS Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed [[Sek]]
*MGAU Member of the Guild of Accountants and Usurers
*MGB Member of the Guild of Butlers
*FGC Fellow of the Guild of Chefs

==Open Commissions==
The Guild has the following open commissions, several of which have claimed the lives of aspiring assassins, others have not been taken up, or the 'client' cannot be located:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Client !! Fee !! Commission
|-
| The [[Hogfather]] || AM$3,000,000 || Has expired (original contract called for the inhumation to occur within 3 days) The contract was placed by the [[Auditors of Reality]]. They did not paid in coin as such, using instead blank gold discs. This challenging contract was given to [[Jonathan Teatime]]. His body was never found.

|-
| Lord [[Havelock Vetinari|Vetinari]] || AM$1,000,000 || Officially unlisted. The Patrician has now been taken off the register in recognition that his death would be damaging to the interests of both the city and the Guild. In the days when he was a viable target Lord Vetinari accepted attempts on his life with good grace, understanding that it was a necessary part of the political process. However, he also held the view that ''the dog is only allowed one bite at the apple'' and the Assassins that attempted this commission were never seen again.

|-
| [[Rincewind]] the Wizard || AM$950,000 || Though he is not a violent man, Rincewind is a born survivor. Assassins attempting this contract have suffered unfortunate mishaps; some were hit by falling tiles, struck by lightning, or waylaid and eaten by Rincewind's [[The Luggage|traveling accessory]].

|-
| The Duke of Ankh, Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] || AM$940,000 and rising || Numerous commissions were placed upon the commander of the Watch, often by nobles such as the [[Rust]] and [[Selachii]] families. [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]], Sir [[Richard Liddeley]] and [[Jocasta Wiggs|Wiggs Sr]] have all attempted to inhume the commander, only to find too late that he plays not by any rules, but to win. He also has a cunning and inventive mind when it comes to traps. This lesson is periodically reinforced by [[Jocasta Wiggs|unpleasant but non-lethal things which seem to happen to student Assassins sent on reconnaissance missions]]. He is now officially unlisted, but Vimes has since has appealed to have this overturned.

|-
| [[Reacher Gilt]] || A very large, undisclosed sum. || This was placed by the bankers of Ankh following his actions bankrupting one of their number, and threatening the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Those who guard said gold do not like those who get in the way of the sun.

|-
| [[Moist von Lipwig]] || AM$100,000 || Only to be fulfilled if Moist failed in the duty of care for [[Mr Fusspot]] left to him by [[Topsy Lavish|Mrs Lavish]].

|-
| [[The Duck Man]] || AM$132,000 || It is unknown who has placed this contract, and so far all assassins have been too curious about the strange nature of the target to accept.

|-
| [[The Band With Rocks In]] (Imp y Celyn, Glod, & Lias/Cliff) || Sum never disclosed || Mentioned in {{SM}}. Contract was taken out by the [[Musicians' Guild]] but no price referred to. The Assassins' Guild decided to no longer entertain the contract, and refunded the fee.

|-
| [[Nobby Nobbs]] || AM$4.31 || Believed to have been placed as a joke by some of members of the Watch. Commander Vimes has let it be know that he 'will be upset' if this commission is carried out...

|-
| [[Foul Ole Ron]] || One groat || No assassin would dream of killing someone for such a low sum. In any case Foul Ole Ron's Smell would prevent anyone getting closer that bow-shot range.

|-
| [[Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]] || Tuppence || Price given by one Assassin (Lord Robert Selachii) to another (his apprentice) whilst pursuing Dibbler's associates, the Band With Rocks In, in {{SM}}. The response given was "It's certainly tempting..."
|}

==Annotation==

There is a continuity error here, or perhaps information is yet to be released, concerning the all-female Houses at the Assassins' Guild school.

The '''''{{AGD}}''''' and the '''''{{NDC}}''''' agree on the Houses of study, and on their housemasters/mistresses, as given above. These can be taken to be a consensus reality. However, in his notes to Kidby's artwork in '''''The Art of Discworld''''', Terry is very specific that there is also a Mantis House, newly established for female pupils, which has [[Alice Band]] as its resident Housemistress.

Naming a house after a female insect which kills and eats its mate would make sense in this context, especially as a replacement for the rather prosaic [[Tump House]] (apparently named after a district of the city, which was rather disappointing). But "Mantis House" is named only once, whereas Tump House gets several referents. There are, as yet, few women on the Guild faculty, so possibly Miss Band's assignment as housemistress was changed when Mantis House opened, and another faculty member now oversees Tump House.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Assassinengilde]]

Assassins' Guild

2013-02-21T23:45:19Z

Dromandkass: /* Masters of the Guild of Assassins */

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''}}
[[Image:Ass02.png|left|200px]]
Motto: ''NIL MORTIFI, SINE LVCRE''

''No killing without pay''

This is one of the most powerful among the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork]]. The current head of the Assassins' Guild is [[Lord Downey]], who took over after his predecessor, [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]], was killed by [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]] during the events of [[Book:Men at Arms|Men At Arms]]. Its Guildhall is topped with a weathervane like a silhouetted assassin poised to inhume the wind.

Their light and airy Guild house is adjacent to the [[Fools' Guild]] house (see {{MAA}}). Their school is noted for giving one of the best educations you can have. Usually children of high-standing noble families attend the Assassins' school. The school's reputation even reaches into far-off countries. For example, [[71-hour Ahmed]] from [[Klatch]] admitted that he had trained at, and been licensed by, the Guild (see {{J}}), as was King [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] of [[Djelibeybi]].

However, there is always a place for a scholarship boy, partly out of a spirit of ''noblesse oblige'', but mainly because "''any commoner showing an uncommon aptitude for the profession had better bloody well be where ''we'' can see him''." This is, after all, the way the upper classes have traditionally dealt with potentially troublesome but talented outsiders: by absorbing them into the privileged upper class, rather than risk having them outside leading a revolution. Scholarship pupils include [[Inigo Skimmer]], Professor [[Cranberry]], and possibly [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]], who rose all the way to become Guild President.

Scholarship pupils, ie Assassins who are not fortunate enough to be backed by upscale familes or to have an independent income, are as often as not employed by the [[Patrician]] as part of a select and shadowy body of employees known as [[Dark Clerk]]s.

The Assassins have a high moral standard, in their own terms. They scrupulously stick to the rules of their Guild. Those rules include a prohibition of killing without a contract or fee. If you did, you would be a common murderer, not an ''Assassin'' (note the capitalization).

This rule has been broken by the student assassin [[Jonathan Teatime]] (appears in {{H}}). He seemed to kill for the mere pleasure of it, a fact that made him a dangerous criminal, even by Assassins' standards. If it were not for the events of ''Hogfather'', he may have had to be disposed of in a discreet manner by his fellows.

Assassins should wear black, a rule that has been challenged by [[Havelock Vetinari]], while he was at the Assassins' school himself. He outdid all the others by wearing various shades of grey and green to blend better into the shadows. However, Vetinari is said to have actually ''failed'' his first attempt at the exam in Stealth and Concealment, simply because the adjudicating senior Assassin thought he hadn't bothered to turn up. Vetinari re-sat the exam, taking care to strive for something less than 100% effectiveness, and passed with a high mark.

Others who wore black only were not as effective. See the Hon.[[John Bleedwell]]. Lord Downey and Lord Vetinari were old enemies during their school years (see {{NW}}).

Only two people have been taken off their scale of fees so far. No assassination contract will be accepted either for Lord Vetinari, nor for Commander [[Samuel Vimes]]. The reasons are that even the Assassins think that Vetinari alive is much less a threat than a dead Vetinari, as you can never be sure whether he will stay dead. As for Sam Vimes, multiple assassinations have been planned, attempted and failed. He seems to be too ingenious in outwitting and ruining every attempt, and the assassins have finally given up on him, at least for the time being. A third, ostensibly active, contract is more of an embarrassment: it is known that the Guild has an open contract on Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs of the City Watch. This has not been retracted, but is for such a derisorily small amount of money (fivepence) that no self-respecting Guild member would ever accept it. It is perhaps there as a joke of some kind, and in any case Commander Vimes would get very ''intense'' if ever the Assasins went after one of his men.

Most of the gentlemen, and at least one woman, from the noble family [[Selachii]] are trained and licensed Assassins.

The Guild has an impressive library, known as the Dark library, where their section on famous assassinations, weaponry and the methodology of inhumation is rumoured to be greater than even that of the Library at [[Unseen University]]. The Guild also takes great pride in their history of inhumations. They maintain a long gallery of famous people the Guild has inhumed, with small silver nameplates modestly telling which assassin had the privilege of inhuming them. It is considered the highest honor for an assassin to have that small, silver nameplate discreetly placed near their famous inhumations. There is also a museum showing various artefacts that have helped certain people to an earlier grave than they had anticipated. The fabled [[gonne]] was kept here until it was stolen by [[Edward d'Eath]].

The Guild is known to hold a number of inter-house competitions within the Guild School including the [[Wilkinson Cup]].

==Masters of the Guild of Assassins==

*Sir [[Gyles de Murford]] (Founder)
*Dr Gulliaume de Chacal (First Head Master)
* [[Follett|Dr. Follett]] (in {{NW}})
* [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]] (until the events of {{MAA}})
* [[Lord Downey]] (in various books since {{MAA}})

==Members of the Guild of Assassins==

Important Assassins who have been mentioned in the Discworld books include:

* Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] Holding the Title 'Provost of Assassins' and the following degrees: DMAP, DM, DGS, MA, MPE, MASc, MIDD, BScI & DiPE (appears in various books)
* [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] (in {{P}})
* [[71-hour Ahmed]] (in {{J}})
* [[Jonathan Teatime]] (in {{H}})
* [[Inigo Skimmer]] (in {{TFE}})
* "Professor" [[Cranberry]] (not a genuinely conferred title - in {{MM}})
* Mr [[Winvoe]], Guild Treasurer, encountered in {{H}}
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]], thwarted in {{SM}}
* Señor [[Miguel Portijo]], Selachii's co-thwartee and assistant

Other Assassins mentioned in the books, as cameos or non-speaking characters:-

* [[Grinjo]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]]
* Sir [[Richard Liddeley]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* [[Urmond]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Vyrt]] (mentioned in {{P}})
* [[Remora Selachii]]
* [[Arachne]], a graduate with a passion for wildlife. Well, certain sorts, anyway.

Named student Assassins:-

*[[Cheesewright]]
*[[Chidder]]
*[[Fliemoe]]
* Arthur [[Ludorum]]
* Ludo [[Ludorum]]
* [[Snoxall]]
* [[Jocasta Wiggs]]

==Guild Tutors==

Current College Tutors, as listed in [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Guild Diary]]
* Lord [[Downey]], MA (Master of Assassins, Head Tutor & Guild President)
* Mr [[Mericet]], DMAP, MA, BScI (Under Master, teaches Strategy and Poison Theory)
* The Extremely Reverend Dr [[A-Pox-Upon-Their-Houses Jenkins]], DGS (Religious Studies/Guild Chaplin)
* Mr Moody, BW (Personal Grooming)
* Baron Strifenkanen, DMAP (Applied Pathology)
* [[de Yoyo|Kompt de Yoyo]], DM, DL (Modern Languages and Music)
* Dr [[Von Ubersetzer]], DL (Ancient Languages)
* M. de Balourd, MIDD (Dance and Deportment)
* Mme les [[Deux-Epees]], MA, DiPE (Fencing and Edged Weapons)
* Mr Linbury-Court, MA (History)
* Mr [[Lamister]]
* Mr [[Bradlofrudd]], DiPE (Llamedos) (Physical Education)
* Miss [[Alice Band|Band]], DiPE (Climbing, Traps, Locks)
* Miss Smith-Rhodes (Domestic Science and Organic Poisons)
* Professor [[Stone]], MASc (Alchemy and Metalwork)
* Lady [[T'malia|T'Malia]], MA, MPE, BScI (Political Expediency)
* Mr [[Graumunchen]], MA (Geography)
* Mr Schotter, MS (Mathematics)
* Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]], MA, BScI ((Traps & Advanced Ambush)

==Guild Staff & Servants==

The guild has a dedicated staff performing all the vital roles required by any large organisation. While not assassins themselves, they have had years of experience within the guild, and young students would be unwise to unset any of them.

* the [[Chief Armourer]] (currently vacant)
*Mr Carter, MGB - Chief Butler
*Mr Winvoe, MGAU - Bursar
*Mrs Collar - Bedder
*Guild [[Doctor]] (at the time of {{P}}).
*Sister Lister, SSSHS - Matron
*Mr Robey - Scullion
*Mr Bracegirdle - Porter
*Mr [[Maroon]] - Porter
*Mr [[Stippler]] - Porter
*Mr Bearhugger - Head Brewer
*Monsieur Insignes-Forvant, FGC - Chef
*Taster (currently vacant)
*Mr [[Wussie Staid]] - Janitor
*[[Washable Topsy]] - laundress

==School Houses==

Within the Guild, the school is broken into Houses, each with a House Tutor. A list follows of these Houses and their Heads of House:
* [[Viper House]] (Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]])
* [[Scorpion House]] (Lady [[T'malia]])
* [[Tump House]] (Miss [[Alice Band]])
* Broken Moons House (Mr Moody)
* Raguineau's (Baron Strifenkanan)
* [[Pernypopax Dampier House]] (Professor [[Stone]])
* Cobra House (Mr [[Mericet]])
* [[Wigblock Prior]] ([[Kompt de Yoyo]])
* [[B2 House]] [day pupils] (Dr [[von Ubersetzer]])
* [[C1 House]] [day pupils] (Dr Perdore)
* [[Mykkim House]] (Mr Linbury-Court)
* [[Mrs Beddowe's House]] (M. le Balourd)
* [[Tree Frog House]] [day pupils] (Mr [[Bradlofrudd]])
* [[Black Widow House]] [girls] (Mme les [[Deux-Epées]])
* [[Welcome Soap House]] (Mr [[Graumunchen]])
* [[Raven House]] (Miss [[Smith-Rhodes]])

''"The Assassins' Guild School was created by taking a classic British public school and turning all the knobs up past eleven, especiially the one marked 'violence'"'' (Terry Pratchett, quoted in {{AOD}})

== School Uniform ==

As with educational establishments all over the Multiverse, the initial uniform handed out to pupils of eleven, twelve and thirteen is issued out of a sadistic desire to impress on the wearer exactly how lowly an insect they are in God's garden, and to instill in the wearer, entirely of his or her own volition, a desire to succeed and get to the point where the hated rags may be discarded in favour of something with at least the ''potential'' to carry a bit more style.

Thus we have:-

''Girls, eleven-thirteen'': the Guild School stipulates white blouse, shapeless; a black gymslip or pinafore; black wooly stockings or tights (sixty to eighty denier) sensible flat shoes without adornment, and a round black hat known as the Blonker. The Guild Crest must be visibly apparent at the right breast or lapel.

''Boys, eleven - thirteen'':- must adopt the New Bod uniform of a midnight blue frock coat and knee britches, worn with cream waistcoat and ruffled shirt along with a black tricorn hat of beaver pelt. Scholarship and Charity boys will be distinguished at all times by wearing white duck trousers as well as the white scholars' gown.

Both sexes Take Black in the third year and are allowed to wear black clothing.

The traditional Assassins' hand signal is that of two fingers pressed against a thumb - the otherwise-universal sign for money. Without which, of course, assassination wouldn't take place. They do not murder indiscriminately, as that would be rank bad form. No, no, they are not common killers. They would take that most ill, should you be rash enough to suggest it. No, they are merely gentlemen who, for a consideration, may see their way clear to smoothing some of life's problems for other gentlemen.

Sam Vimes hates them with a passion. Ironically, he(thanks to his marriage to Sybil) holds the deed to the land on which the Assassins' Guild rests.

==Businesses==

The Guild runs a rather specialised home insurance service: if someone breaks into a house insured by the Guild, an automatic contract is put out on their lives. Houses insured by the guild displays a Guild seal. It is not clear what issues of professional courtesy and [[demarcation]] this raises with the [[Thieves' Guild]]. It might be assumed that this is regarded as an inter-Guild courtesy, if the break-in were to be carried out by unlicenced Thieves; should the Guild take out a contract on a licenced Thieves' Guild member merely because that Thief is acting in accordance with their own Guild rights and privileges, however, such a contract might be on more shaky ground. Besides, the Thieves' Guild offer their own similar insurance policies to householders - does this breach demarcation?

One such house is the [[De Worde|De Worde's]] house as mentioned in {{TT}}.

As well as inhumations and insurance, the Guild is also known to offer bodyguarding and security consultancy services - ie, the exact opposite to inhumation. But the core business activity remains what it always was - evidenced by the [[Inhumation Bell]] ringing at least once every day.

==Degrees==

The following degrees are awarded by the Guild and associate guilds:
*MA Master Assassins
*MPE Master of Political Expediency
*BScI Bachelor of the Science of Inhumation
*DiHI Diploma of Homicidal Insanity
*DL Doctor of Languages
*MIDD Member of the Institute of Dance & Deportment
*DiPE Diploma in Physical Education
*MASc Master of Alchemical Science
*DMAP Doctor of Medicine & Applied Pathology
*BW Bachelor of Wig-making
*DM Doctor of Music
*MS Master of Sums
*DGS Doctor of God Studies
*SSSHS Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed [[Sek]]
*MGAU Member of the Guild of Accountants and Usurers
*MGB Member of the Guild of Butlers
*FGC Fellow of the Guild of Chefs

==Open Commissions==
The Guild has the following open commissions, several of which have claimed the lives of aspiring assassins, others have not been taken up, or the 'client' cannot be located:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Client !! Fee !! Commission
|-
| The [[Hogfather]] || AM$3,000,000 || Has expired (original contract called for the inhumation to occur within 3 days) The contract was placed by the [[Auditors of Reality]]. They did not paid in coin as such, using instead blank gold discs. This challenging contract was given to [[Jonathan Teatime]]. His body was never found.

|-
| Lord [[Havelock Vetinari|Vetinari]] || AM$1,000,000 || Officially unlisted. The Patrician has now been taken off the register in recognition that his death would be damaging to the interests of both the city and the Guild. In the days when he was a viable target Lord Vetinari accepted attempts on his life with good grace, understanding that it was a necessary part of the political process. However, he also held the view that ''the dog is only allowed one bite at the apple'' and the Assassins that attempted this commission were never seen again.

|-
| [[Rincewind]] the Wizard || AM$950,000 || Though he is not a violent man, Rincewind is a born survivor. Assassins attempting this contract have suffered unfortunate mishaps; some were hit by falling tiles, struck by lightning, or waylaid and eaten by Rincewind's [[The Luggage|traveling accessory]].

|-
| The Duke of Ankh, Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] || AM$940,000 and rising || Numerous commissions were placed upon the commander of the Watch, often by nobles such as the [[Rust]] and [[Selachii]] families. [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]], Sir [[Richard Liddeley]] and [[Jocasta Wiggs|Wiggs Sr]] have all attempted to inhume the commander, only to find too late that he plays not by any rules, but to win. He also has a cunning and inventive mind when it comes to traps. This lesson is periodically reinforced by [[Jocasta Wiggs|unpleasant but non-lethal things which seem to happen to student Assassins sent on reconnaissance missions]]. He is now officially unlisted, but Vimes has since has appealed to have this overturned.

|-
| [[Reacher Gilt]] || A very large, undisclosed sum. || This was placed by the bankers of Ankh following his actions bankrupting one of their number, and threatening the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Those who guard said gold do not like those who get in the way of the sun.

|-
| [[Moist von Lipwig]] || AM$100,000 || Only to be fulfilled if Moist failed in the duty of care for [[Mr Fusspot]] left to him by [[Topsy Lavish|Mrs Lavish]].

|-
| [[The Duck Man]] || AM$132,000 || It is unknown who has placed this contract, and so far all assassins have been too curious about the strange nature of the target to accept.

|-
| [[The Band With Rocks In]] (Imp y Celyn, Glod, & Lias/Cliff) || Sum never disclosed || Mentioned in {{SM}}. Contract was taken out by the [[Musicians' Guild]] but no price referred to. The Assassins' Guild decided to no longer entertain the contract, and refunded the fee.

|-
| [[Nobby Nobbs]] || AM$4.31 || Believed to have been placed as a joke by some of members of the Watch. Commander Vimes has let it be know that he 'will be upset' if this commission is carried out...

|-
| [[Foul Ole Ron]] || One groat || No assassin would dream of killing someone for such a low sum. In any case Foul Ole Ron's Smell would prevent anyone getting closer that bow-shot range.

|-
| [[Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]] || Tuppence || Price given by one Assassin (Lord Robert Selachii) to another (his apprentice) whilst pursuing Dibbler's associates, the Band With Rocks In, in {{SM}}. The response given was "It's certainly tempting..."
|}

==Annotation==

There is a continuity error here, or perhaps information is yet to be released, concerning the all-female Houses at the Assassins' Guild school.

The '''''{{AGD}}''''' and the '''''{{NDC}}''''' agree on the Houses of study, and on their housemasters/mistresses, as given above. These can be taken to be a consensus reality. However, in his notes to Kidby's artwork in '''''The Art of Discworld''''', Terry is very specific that there is also a Mantis House, newly established for female pupils, which has [[Alice Band]] as its resident Housemistress.

Naming a house after a female insect which kills and eats its mate would make sense in this context, especially as a replacement for the rather prosaic [[Tump House]] (apparently named after a district of the city, which was rather disappointing). But "Mantis House" is named only once, whereas Tump House gets several referents. There are, as yet, few women on the Guild faculty, so possibly Miss Band's assignment as housemistress was changed when Mantis House opened, and another faculty member now oversees Tump House.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Assassinengilde]]

Jocasta Wiggs

2013-02-21T23:43:59Z

Dromandkass:

[[File:Jocasta wiggs by sithlordliisa-d34j4m2.png|450px|thumb|left|Jocasta wiggs by '''sithlordliisa''']]

'''Jocasta Wiggs''' was a female student at the [[Assassins' Guild|College of Assassins]] at the time of {{NW}}, the new generation of a well-known Guild family. A member of Viper House, she was thought by her tutor, Miss [[Alice Band]], to be a little over-confident and was assigned to find a location where she could target [[Samuel Vimes]]. Like so many others, Jocasta was not a little discomfited to find that Commander Vimes was there ahead of her, arranging some uncertain footing and dodgy hand-holds. Assassins, male and female, tend to be fastidious and expensively dressed and one who has spent a little while in a very ''slippery'' cess-pit is as happy as a cat fallen out of a tree.

The Wiggses should give Commander Vimes a wide berth; he broke Jocasta's father's leg some while previously.

The Wiggs family also has a past history with the vampire count [[Dragoul von Salic]], who has in the past been assassinated by four generations of her family; J.C.R Wiggs, his son P.M.T Wiggs, his grandson S.T.D Wiggs and his great-grandson B.S.T Wiggs (all of Viper). With Count Salic currently back from the crypt and on the Open Commissions List, the Guild has decided no other assassins is to accept the commission until Jocasta graduates. Destiny beckons...

[[category:Discworld characters|Wiggs, Jocasta]]
[[de:Jocasta Wiggs]]

Assassins' Guild

2013-02-21T23:39:50Z

Dromandkass: /* Open Commissions */

{{spoilersfor|''[[Book:Men at Arms|Men at Arms]]''}}
[[Image:Ass02.png|left|200px]]
Motto: ''NIL MORTIFI, SINE LVCRE''

''No killing without pay''

This is one of the most powerful among the [[Guilds of Ankh-Morpork]]. The current head of the Assassins' Guild is [[Lord Downey]], who took over after his predecessor, [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]], was killed by [[Carrot Ironfoundersson]] during the events of [[Book:Men at Arms|Men At Arms]]. Its Guildhall is topped with a weathervane like a silhouetted assassin poised to inhume the wind.

Their light and airy Guild house is adjacent to the [[Fools' Guild]] house (see {{MAA}}). Their school is noted for giving one of the best educations you can have. Usually children of high-standing noble families attend the Assassins' school. The school's reputation even reaches into far-off countries. For example, [[71-hour Ahmed]] from [[Klatch]] admitted that he had trained at, and been licensed by, the Guild (see {{J}}), as was King [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] of [[Djelibeybi]].

However, there is always a place for a scholarship boy, partly out of a spirit of ''noblesse oblige'', but mainly because "''any commoner showing an uncommon aptitude for the profession had better bloody well be where ''we'' can see him''." This is, after all, the way the upper classes have traditionally dealt with potentially troublesome but talented outsiders: by absorbing them into the privileged upper class, rather than risk having them outside leading a revolution. Scholarship pupils include [[Inigo Skimmer]], Professor [[Cranberry]], and possibly [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]], who rose all the way to become Guild President.

Scholarship pupils, ie Assassins who are not fortunate enough to be backed by upscale familes or to have an independent income, are as often as not employed by the [[Patrician]] as part of a select and shadowy body of employees known as [[Dark Clerk]]s.

The Assassins have a high moral standard, in their own terms. They scrupulously stick to the rules of their Guild. Those rules include a prohibition of killing without a contract or fee. If you did, you would be a common murderer, not an ''Assassin'' (note the capitalization).

This rule has been broken by the student assassin [[Jonathan Teatime]] (appears in {{H}}). He seemed to kill for the mere pleasure of it, a fact that made him a dangerous criminal, even by Assassins' standards. If it were not for the events of ''Hogfather'', he may have had to be disposed of in a discreet manner by his fellows.

Assassins should wear black, a rule that has been challenged by [[Havelock Vetinari]], while he was at the Assassins' school himself. He outdid all the others by wearing various shades of grey and green to blend better into the shadows. However, Vetinari is said to have actually ''failed'' his first attempt at the exam in Stealth and Concealment, simply because the adjudicating senior Assassin thought he hadn't bothered to turn up. Vetinari re-sat the exam, taking care to strive for something less than 100% effectiveness, and passed with a high mark.

Others who wore black only were not as effective. See the Hon.[[John Bleedwell]]. Lord Downey and Lord Vetinari were old enemies during their school years (see {{NW}}).

Only two people have been taken off their scale of fees so far. No assassination contract will be accepted either for Lord Vetinari, nor for Commander [[Samuel Vimes]]. The reasons are that even the Assassins think that Vetinari alive is much less a threat than a dead Vetinari, as you can never be sure whether he will stay dead. As for Sam Vimes, multiple assassinations have been planned, attempted and failed. He seems to be too ingenious in outwitting and ruining every attempt, and the assassins have finally given up on him, at least for the time being. A third, ostensibly active, contract is more of an embarrassment: it is known that the Guild has an open contract on Corporal "Nobby" Nobbs of the City Watch. This has not been retracted, but is for such a derisorily small amount of money (fivepence) that no self-respecting Guild member would ever accept it. It is perhaps there as a joke of some kind, and in any case Commander Vimes would get very ''intense'' if ever the Assasins went after one of his men.

Most of the gentlemen, and at least one woman, from the noble family [[Selachii]] are trained and licensed Assassins.

The Guild has an impressive library, known as the Dark library, where their section on famous assassinations, weaponry and the methodology of inhumation is rumoured to be greater than even that of the Library at [[Unseen University]]. The Guild also takes great pride in their history of inhumations. They maintain a long gallery of famous people the Guild has inhumed, with small silver nameplates modestly telling which assassin had the privilege of inhuming them. It is considered the highest honor for an assassin to have that small, silver nameplate discreetly placed near their famous inhumations. There is also a museum showing various artefacts that have helped certain people to an earlier grave than they had anticipated. The fabled [[gonne]] was kept here until it was stolen by [[Edward d'Eath]].

The Guild is known to hold a number of inter-house competitions within the Guild School including the [[Wilkinson Cup]].

==Masters of the Guild of Assassins==

*Sir Gyles de Murford (Founder)
*Dr Gulliaume de Chacal (First Head Master)
* [[Follett|Dr. Follett]] (in {{NW}})
* [[Zlorf Flannelfoot]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Cruces|Dr. Cruces]] (until the events of {{MAA}})
* [[Lord Downey]] (in various books since {{MAA}})

==Members of the Guild of Assassins==

Important Assassins who have been mentioned in the Discworld books include:

* Lord [[Havelock Vetinari]] Holding the Title 'Provost of Assassins' and the following degrees: DMAP, DM, DGS, MA, MPE, MASc, MIDD, BScI & DiPE (appears in various books)
* [[Pteppicymon XXVIII]] (in {{P}})
* [[71-hour Ahmed]] (in {{J}})
* [[Jonathan Teatime]] (in {{H}})
* [[Inigo Skimmer]] (in {{TFE}})
* "Professor" [[Cranberry]] (not a genuinely conferred title - in {{MM}})
* Mr [[Winvoe]], Guild Treasurer, encountered in {{H}}
* Lord [[Robert Selachii]], thwarted in {{SM}}
* Señor [[Miguel Portijo]], Selachii's co-thwartee and assistant

Other Assassins mentioned in the books, as cameos or non-speaking characters:-

* [[Grinjo]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]]
* Sir [[Richard Liddeley]]
* Sir [[Bernard Selachii]]
* [[Urmond]] (in {{COM}})
* [[Vyrt]] (mentioned in {{P}})
* [[Remora Selachii]]
* [[Arachne]], a graduate with a passion for wildlife. Well, certain sorts, anyway.

Named student Assassins:-

*[[Cheesewright]]
*[[Chidder]]
*[[Fliemoe]]
* Arthur [[Ludorum]]
* Ludo [[Ludorum]]
* [[Snoxall]]
* [[Jocasta Wiggs]]

==Guild Tutors==

Current College Tutors, as listed in [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Guild Diary]]
* Lord [[Downey]], MA (Master of Assassins, Head Tutor & Guild President)
* Mr [[Mericet]], DMAP, MA, BScI (Under Master, teaches Strategy and Poison Theory)
* The Extremely Reverend Dr [[A-Pox-Upon-Their-Houses Jenkins]], DGS (Religious Studies/Guild Chaplin)
* Mr Moody, BW (Personal Grooming)
* Baron Strifenkanen, DMAP (Applied Pathology)
* [[de Yoyo|Kompt de Yoyo]], DM, DL (Modern Languages and Music)
* Dr [[Von Ubersetzer]], DL (Ancient Languages)
* M. de Balourd, MIDD (Dance and Deportment)
* Mme les [[Deux-Epees]], MA, DiPE (Fencing and Edged Weapons)
* Mr Linbury-Court, MA (History)
* Mr [[Lamister]]
* Mr [[Bradlofrudd]], DiPE (Llamedos) (Physical Education)
* Miss [[Alice Band|Band]], DiPE (Climbing, Traps, Locks)
* Miss Smith-Rhodes (Domestic Science and Organic Poisons)
* Professor [[Stone]], MASc (Alchemy and Metalwork)
* Lady [[T'malia|T'Malia]], MA, MPE, BScI (Political Expediency)
* Mr [[Graumunchen]], MA (Geography)
* Mr Schotter, MS (Mathematics)
* Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]], MA, BScI ((Traps & Advanced Ambush)

==Guild Staff & Servants==

The guild has a dedicated staff performing all the vital roles required by any large organisation. While not assassins themselves, they have had years of experience within the guild, and young students would be unwise to unset any of them.

* the [[Chief Armourer]] (currently vacant)
*Mr Carter, MGB - Chief Butler
*Mr Winvoe, MGAU - Bursar
*Mrs Collar - Bedder
*Guild [[Doctor]] (at the time of {{P}}).
*Sister Lister, SSSHS - Matron
*Mr Robey - Scullion
*Mr Bracegirdle - Porter
*Mr [[Maroon]] - Porter
*Mr [[Stippler]] - Porter
*Mr Bearhugger - Head Brewer
*Monsieur Insignes-Forvant, FGC - Chef
*Taster (currently vacant)
*Mr [[Wussie Staid]] - Janitor
*[[Washable Topsy]] - laundress

==School Houses==

Within the Guild, the school is broken into Houses, each with a House Tutor. A list follows of these Houses and their Heads of House:
* [[Viper House]] (Mr [[Grunworth Nivor|Nivor]])
* [[Scorpion House]] (Lady [[T'malia]])
* [[Tump House]] (Miss [[Alice Band]])
* Broken Moons House (Mr Moody)
* Raguineau's (Baron Strifenkanan)
* [[Pernypopax Dampier House]] (Professor [[Stone]])
* Cobra House (Mr [[Mericet]])
* [[Wigblock Prior]] ([[Kompt de Yoyo]])
* [[B2 House]] [day pupils] (Dr [[von Ubersetzer]])
* [[C1 House]] [day pupils] (Dr Perdore)
* [[Mykkim House]] (Mr Linbury-Court)
* [[Mrs Beddowe's House]] (M. le Balourd)
* [[Tree Frog House]] [day pupils] (Mr [[Bradlofrudd]])
* [[Black Widow House]] [girls] (Mme les [[Deux-Epées]])
* [[Welcome Soap House]] (Mr [[Graumunchen]])
* [[Raven House]] (Miss [[Smith-Rhodes]])

''"The Assassins' Guild School was created by taking a classic British public school and turning all the knobs up past eleven, especiially the one marked 'violence'"'' (Terry Pratchett, quoted in {{AOD}})

== School Uniform ==

As with educational establishments all over the Multiverse, the initial uniform handed out to pupils of eleven, twelve and thirteen is issued out of a sadistic desire to impress on the wearer exactly how lowly an insect they are in God's garden, and to instill in the wearer, entirely of his or her own volition, a desire to succeed and get to the point where the hated rags may be discarded in favour of something with at least the ''potential'' to carry a bit more style.

Thus we have:-

''Girls, eleven-thirteen'': the Guild School stipulates white blouse, shapeless; a black gymslip or pinafore; black wooly stockings or tights (sixty to eighty denier) sensible flat shoes without adornment, and a round black hat known as the Blonker. The Guild Crest must be visibly apparent at the right breast or lapel.

''Boys, eleven - thirteen'':- must adopt the New Bod uniform of a midnight blue frock coat and knee britches, worn with cream waistcoat and ruffled shirt along with a black tricorn hat of beaver pelt. Scholarship and Charity boys will be distinguished at all times by wearing white duck trousers as well as the white scholars' gown.

Both sexes Take Black in the third year and are allowed to wear black clothing.

The traditional Assassins' hand signal is that of two fingers pressed against a thumb - the otherwise-universal sign for money. Without which, of course, assassination wouldn't take place. They do not murder indiscriminately, as that would be rank bad form. No, no, they are not common killers. They would take that most ill, should you be rash enough to suggest it. No, they are merely gentlemen who, for a consideration, may see their way clear to smoothing some of life's problems for other gentlemen.

Sam Vimes hates them with a passion. Ironically, he(thanks to his marriage to Sybil) holds the deed to the land on which the Assassins' Guild rests.

==Businesses==

The Guild runs a rather specialised home insurance service: if someone breaks into a house insured by the Guild, an automatic contract is put out on their lives. Houses insured by the guild displays a Guild seal. It is not clear what issues of professional courtesy and [[demarcation]] this raises with the [[Thieves' Guild]]. It might be assumed that this is regarded as an inter-Guild courtesy, if the break-in were to be carried out by unlicenced Thieves; should the Guild take out a contract on a licenced Thieves' Guild member merely because that Thief is acting in accordance with their own Guild rights and privileges, however, such a contract might be on more shaky ground. Besides, the Thieves' Guild offer their own similar insurance policies to householders - does this breach demarcation?

One such house is the [[De Worde|De Worde's]] house as mentioned in {{TT}}.

As well as inhumations and insurance, the Guild is also known to offer bodyguarding and security consultancy services - ie, the exact opposite to inhumation. But the core business activity remains what it always was - evidenced by the [[Inhumation Bell]] ringing at least once every day.

==Degrees==

The following degrees are awarded by the Guild and associate guilds:
*MA Master Assassins
*MPE Master of Political Expediency
*BScI Bachelor of the Science of Inhumation
*DiHI Diploma of Homicidal Insanity
*DL Doctor of Languages
*MIDD Member of the Institute of Dance & Deportment
*DiPE Diploma in Physical Education
*MASc Master of Alchemical Science
*DMAP Doctor of Medicine & Applied Pathology
*BW Bachelor of Wig-making
*DM Doctor of Music
*MS Master of Sums
*DGS Doctor of God Studies
*SSSHS Spiteful Sisters of Seven-Handed [[Sek]]
*MGAU Member of the Guild of Accountants and Usurers
*MGB Member of the Guild of Butlers
*FGC Fellow of the Guild of Chefs

==Open Commissions==
The Guild has the following open commissions, several of which have claimed the lives of aspiring assassins, others have not been taken up, or the 'client' cannot be located:

{| class="wikitable"
|-
! Client !! Fee !! Commission
|-
| The [[Hogfather]] || AM$3,000,000 || Has expired (original contract called for the inhumation to occur within 3 days) The contract was placed by the [[Auditors of Reality]]. They did not paid in coin as such, using instead blank gold discs. This challenging contract was given to [[Jonathan Teatime]]. His body was never found.

|-
| Lord [[Havelock Vetinari|Vetinari]] || AM$1,000,000 || Officially unlisted. The Patrician has now been taken off the register in recognition that his death would be damaging to the interests of both the city and the Guild. In the days when he was a viable target Lord Vetinari accepted attempts on his life with good grace, understanding that it was a necessary part of the political process. However, he also held the view that ''the dog is only allowed one bite at the apple'' and the Assassins that attempted this commission were never seen again.

|-
| [[Rincewind]] the Wizard || AM$950,000 || Though he is not a violent man, Rincewind is a born survivor. Assassins attempting this contract have suffered unfortunate mishaps; some were hit by falling tiles, struck by lightning, or waylaid and eaten by Rincewind's [[The Luggage|traveling accessory]].

|-
| The Duke of Ankh, Sir [[Samuel Vimes]] || AM$940,000 and rising || Numerous commissions were placed upon the commander of the Watch, often by nobles such as the [[Rust]] and [[Selachii]] families. [[Eustace Bassingly-Gore]], Sir [[Richard Liddeley]] and [[Jocasta Wiggs|Wiggs Sr]] have all attempted to inhume the commander, only to find too late that he plays not by any rules, but to win. He also has a cunning and inventive mind when it comes to traps. This lesson is periodically reinforced by [[Jocasta Wiggs|unpleasant but non-lethal things which seem to happen to student Assassins sent on reconnaissance missions]]. He is now officially unlisted, but Vimes has since has appealed to have this overturned.

|-
| [[Reacher Gilt]] || A very large, undisclosed sum. || This was placed by the bankers of Ankh following his actions bankrupting one of their number, and threatening the metaphorical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Those who guard said gold do not like those who get in the way of the sun.

|-
| [[Moist von Lipwig]] || AM$100,000 || Only to be fulfilled if Moist failed in the duty of care for [[Mr Fusspot]] left to him by [[Topsy Lavish|Mrs Lavish]].

|-
| [[The Duck Man]] || AM$132,000 || It is unknown who has placed this contract, and so far all assassins have been too curious about the strange nature of the target to accept.

|-
| [[The Band With Rocks In]] (Imp y Celyn, Glod, & Lias/Cliff) || Sum never disclosed || Mentioned in {{SM}}. Contract was taken out by the [[Musicians' Guild]] but no price referred to. The Assassins' Guild decided to no longer entertain the contract, and refunded the fee.

|-
| [[Nobby Nobbs]] || AM$4.31 || Believed to have been placed as a joke by some of members of the Watch. Commander Vimes has let it be know that he 'will be upset' if this commission is carried out...

|-
| [[Foul Ole Ron]] || One groat || No assassin would dream of killing someone for such a low sum. In any case Foul Ole Ron's Smell would prevent anyone getting closer that bow-shot range.

|-
| [[Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler]] || Tuppence || Price given by one Assassin (Lord Robert Selachii) to another (his apprentice) whilst pursuing Dibbler's associates, the Band With Rocks In, in {{SM}}. The response given was "It's certainly tempting..."
|}

==Annotation==

There is a continuity error here, or perhaps information is yet to be released, concerning the all-female Houses at the Assassins' Guild school.

The '''''{{AGD}}''''' and the '''''{{NDC}}''''' agree on the Houses of study, and on their housemasters/mistresses, as given above. These can be taken to be a consensus reality. However, in his notes to Kidby's artwork in '''''The Art of Discworld''''', Terry is very specific that there is also a Mantis House, newly established for female pupils, which has [[Alice Band]] as its resident Housemistress.

Naming a house after a female insect which kills and eats its mate would make sense in this context, especially as a replacement for the rather prosaic [[Tump House]] (apparently named after a district of the city, which was rather disappointing). But "Mantis House" is named only once, whereas Tump House gets several referents. There are, as yet, few women on the Guild faculty, so possibly Miss Band's assignment as housemistress was changed when Mantis House opened, and another faculty member now oversees Tump House.

[[Category:Guilds]]
[[Category:Ankh-Morpork Businesses]]
[[de:Assassinengilde]]

John Lawn

2013-02-21T23:34:46Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title= Doctor John "Mossy" Lawn
|photo= Mossy.jpg|Mossy Lawn, as drawn by [[User:Knmatt|Matt Smith]]
|name= John Lawn
|age= Currently in his 60s (already a doctor in {{NW}})
|race= [[Humans|Human]]
|occupation= Doctor, Chief of Medicine at the [[Lady Sybil Free Hospital]]
|appearance=
|residence= Near [[The Shades]], [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|death=
|parents=
|relatives=
|children=
|marital status=
|books= {{NW}}
|cameos= {{GP}}, {{UA}}
}}

'''Dr. John Lawn''', usually called "''Mossy''", is probably the only medical [[Doctor|doctor]] in [[Ankh-Morpork]] actually known to cure or heal anyone. Normally, doctors are more to be avoided than the plague: the plague may not kill you, and certainly won't charge you for it.

Lawn credits his training in [[Klatch]], where patients were expected to get better; he had learnt techniques other Morporkian surgeons distrusted, but which kept patients alive for longer than it took to pay the bill. He also gave free treatment to those who needed it, including those who had been tortured by the Cable Street Particulars.

While he is unlikely to give his patients a little trim or a shave when performing surgery, he makes use of a number of curious and often alarming implements in his line of work. Being outside the medical establishment, he worked for many years in a rough area near [[The Shades]] as a "''pox doctor''," with many patients among the [[Seamstresses' Guild|Seamstresses]].

There, he met and treated [[John Keel]] and served as the surgeon for the short-lived army of the [[Glorious Revolution]]. When [[Samuel Vimes|Sam Vimes]] returned from his time trip in [[Book:Night Watch|Night Watch]], he found his wife in difficult labor with their first child. He raced to get the now-thirty-years-older doctor, and rewarded his success (and his silence as to the ''real'' identity of "[[John Keel]]") with a large amount of money and a building which, by the time of the events of {{GP}}, has become the ''[[Lady Sybil Free Hospital]]''.

Mossy continues as Chief Of Medicine there, apparently still fighting off the non-professional attentions of the nursing staff despite advancing middle age. Dr Lawn's preferred method of dealing with the nursing staff is to throw a handful of chocolates in one direction and run in the other as fast as possible. It is also noteworthy that he also serves as the family doctor (of sorts) to the Vimes family, [[Sybil Ramkin|Lady Sybil]] having mentioned that Dr. Lawn had told Sam Sr. at his latest physical to eat more fruit (trying to dissuade him from eating greasy food).

Later books have stated that the hospital is also used by Dr. Lawn to train new doctors in the same techniques that he had learned all of those years ago during his tour in Klatch.

Dr. Lawn's personality can be described as quiet (if a tad sarcastic) and almost unshockable. During the events of the [[Glorious Revolution]] Lawn commented to John Keel (Sam Vimes) that, when he dies, he wants a bell left on his gravestone so he can have the pleasure of not getting up when people ring.

Lawn is quite possibly one of only two people (besides Vimes) who know the truth concerning John Keel: the other is the [[Havelock Vetinari|Patrician]].

[[Category:Discworld characters|Lawn, Dr. John]]
[[Category:Supporting characters|Lawn, Dr. John]]
[[Category:Human characters|Lawn, Dr. John]]

[[de:Dr. M. Rasen]]

Gryle

2013-02-21T23:30:47Z

Dromandkass:

{{Character Data
|title=
|photo=
|name= Mr Gryle
|age=
|race= [[Banshees|Banshee]]
|occupation= hired killer
|appearance= tall sinister figure with a wide-brimmed hat, what looks like a cloak but are really his wings.
|residence= [[Ankh-Morpork]]
|death= Killed by Moist von Lipwig during a fight in the [[Ankh-Morpork Post Office]]
|parents=
|relatives= reported to have eaten his own grandma
|children=
|marital status= undesirable
|books= [[Book:Going Postal]]
|cameos=
}}

Mr Gryle was a [[Banshees|Banshee]] - which was a surprise to all of Pratchett's readers as we'd all been told that Mr [[Ixolite]] was the Disc's last surviving one.

Gryle was discovered and used by [[Reacher Gilt]] to dispose of anyone who stood in his way. He was responsible for the death of both [[John Dearheart]] and [[Crispin Horsefry]]. He was very nearly also responsible for the deaths of both [[Tolliver Groat]] and [[Moist von Lipwig]].

As a banshee he could arrive from the air and leave very few clues for [[Ankh-Morpork City Watch|anyone]] to decipher. This includes that of smell: banshees have little tangible odour for a [[werewolf]] or other nasally-gifted creature to pick up. This made him the prefect killer for Reacher Gilt to use to deal with 'little problems'.

Gryle seemed to wear a thick leathery cape, but that was just his wings tightly wrapped around him. The muscles in his chest are immensely tough, protecting as they do ''both'' his hearts.

An unlikeable character, he told [[Stanley Howler]] that he "gnawed his grandmother's bones". He had very few needs in life, but he did have a passion for pigeons. This was his undoing, as the pigeons in [[Ankh-Morpork]] are practically septic: "dogturd burgers", in fact. This led to his being not 100% prepared for the attack.

Actually, his ''real'' undoing was Stanley who, when confronted by Gryle, had one of his "Little Moments", which resulted in Gryle being hit in the mouth by a sack of pins.

Gryle retreated into the Sorting Office, where he and [[Moist von Lipwig]] had a final showdown. Somehow, Gryle was inveigled into the Sorting Engine, whereupon he was ''Sorted''. Well and truly.

[[Category:Discworld characters]]
[[de:Gryle]]

Überwald

2013-02-21T23:23:57Z

Dromandkass: /* People */

Formerly the Dark Empire, Evil Empire or Unholy Empire, with the double-headed bat as symbol, and once ruled by a [[Sourcerer]] known as the Evil Emperor, who was, well, evil. Under the [[Evil Empire]], [[Orcs|all sorts of nasty things]] were created and used in war. As [[John Hicks]] puts it in {{UA}}, "you got what it said on the Iron Maiden".

Überwald describes a huge mountainous region of wintry climate. The ruling nobility of the land is composed of feudal [[werewolves|werewolf]] and [[vampires|vampire]] families. Lately, the [[dwarfs]] have also come into power. There are many [[trolls]] in the distant mountains, warring against the dwarfs, but in cities such as [[Bonk]], trolls are considered semi-sentient slaves. Humans are still mostly in the roles of "townspeople" or "exploited citizens". Most [[Igor|Igors]] come from Überwald, where they traditionally serve those on the far side of sanity, using the excellent local lightning for their experiments. Überwaldean is said to be a good cursing language.

The principal town in Überwald is [[Bonk]].

Major appearances of the region are in {{WA}}, {{CJ}}, {{T5E}}, and {{MR}}. Überwald is also often colloquially mentioned as the dark and mysterious place ruled and indeed overrun by the undead and bandits, standing in the middle of the continent, cutting off the traffic between the [[Sto Plains]] and [[Genua]].

The region is briefly visited by the [[Lancre]] witches in {{WA}}, where a local [[Vampires|vampire]] is defeated by a combination of [[Nanny Ogg]]'s garlic sausage, [[Magrat Garlick|Magrat]]'s insistence on sleeping with the window open, and [[Greebo]]'s irritation that a mouse with wings is trying to change shape on him.
In truth, Überwald also has many small towns with just your ordinary rural town people, not very mean, not very nice ({{TAMAHER}}, {{GP}}).

Überwald is also home to many of the older races such as [[Centaur]]s.

It is noted by [[Lord Vetinari]] that mapmakers often fill in blank areas of Überwaldean maps with the phrase 'MMBU,' or 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Überwald' In the same way Africa mapmakers used to mark their maps 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Africa'.

==Economy==
The area does not come across as particularly wealthy, and is thinly populated. The main source of income seems to be mining, both metals and fat. Recently the [[Grand Trunk]] has reached Bonk, connecting this part of the continent with the rest of the world.

==Cities, towns and locations==
* [[Bad Blintz]]
* Bad Heisses Bad
* [[Bad Schüschein]]
* [[Bonk]]
* [[Bugs]]
* [[Escrow]]
* [[Lipwig]]
* [[Schmaltzberg]]
* [[Don'tgonearthe Castle]]
* [[Müning]]
* [[Splinz]]
* [[Klotz]] - on the [[River Ah]]
* [[Glitz]]
* [[Slake]]
* [[Wilinus Pass]]

===Noble Families===

*[[Margolotta]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Dragoul von Salic|von Salic]] - Vampire Counts
*[[John Smith|von Vilinus]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Crazed Baron Haha|Haha]] - Human Barons
*[[Guye von Uberwald|von Uberwald]] - Werewolf Barons
*[[Bela de Magpyr|Magpyr]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Notfaroutoe]] - Vampire Counts (bloodline now extinct in Uberwald, last heir living in Ankh-Morpork)

==People==
Some of the better known people from Überwald:
*Delphine [[Angua von Überwald]]
*Lady [[Margolotta]]
*[[Serafine von Überwald|Baroness Serafine von Überwald]]
*[[Guye von Überwald|Baron Guye von Überwald]]
*[[Wolfgang von Überwald]]
*[[Sally von Humpeding]]
*[[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Gryle]] Banshee
*[[Rhys Rhysson]], [[Low King]] of the dwarfs
*[[Albrecht Albrechtson]] Head of senior dwarf family
*[[Dee]], Jar'akh'haga or 'the Ideas Taster' to the Low King.
*Captain [[Tantony]] of the Bonk Watch
*Igor at the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
*Lots of other [[Igor]]s.
*Mr [[Nutt]]
*[[Otto Chriek]]
*[[Detritus]]
*[[Cheery Littlebottom]]

==Books Featuring Uberwald ==
*{{UA}}
*{{CJ}}
*{{TFE}}
*{{WA}}
*{{TAMAHER}}
*{{GP}}
*{{MR}}

==Annotation==
On [[Roundworld]] "Überwald" is the literal German translation of {{wp|Transylvania|Transylvania}} ("beyond [over] the forest"), where big part of the population is German-speaking, so the language of the inhabitants of Überwald has also German-like accent.

One of the most famous European empires was the Holy Roman Empire. The most famous royal house in it was the House of Habsburg, which used a double-headed eagle as its symbol and originated in eastern Europe. Of course, the Unholy Empire was more straightforward, being both an empire and unholy; the Holy Roman Empire by Voltaire's time was not holy, Roman, or an empire.

Pratchett himself confesses that this country is simply a collection of horror movie cliches especially those associated with the Hammer movies. As a result the fine lads and lasses over at [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Uberwald TV Tropes] have decided to name the whole trope of a spooky European kingdom with haunted castles, vampires, werewolves and fearful peasants everywhere you look ''Uberwald'', in fact I can do no better than to shamelessly rip off their entry:

A generic sort of "eastern Europe" area. There are peasants everywhere, and spooky old towns. Castles in the mountains abound, where one may find vampires, mad scientists, or the curse of the werewolf. Half of the population is gypsies who are easily angered and have funny accents.

A late sixties' Hammer horror was called ''Theatre of Horror'', and used the idea of a travelling circus which carried among its number several vampire performers, who could perform, eat, then move on before they were noticed. Given that it may have used the doubly horrifying concept of a vampire clown, this makes the idea of Müning being the centre of Überwaldean clowning doubly more plausible and infinitely more scary.

In the 1931 film version of Stoker's ''Dracula'', Van Helsing refelects:- "According to van Helsing, the Count "must indeed have been that Voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk, over the great river on the very frontier of Turkey-land. If it be so, then was he no common man: for in that time, and for centuries after, he was spoken of as the cleverest and the most cunning, as well as the bravest of the sons of the '''''land beyond the forest'''''"

[[de:Überwald]]

[[Category:Discworld geography|Uberwald]]

Überwald

2013-02-21T23:16:23Z

Dromandkass: /* People */

Formerly the Dark Empire, Evil Empire or Unholy Empire, with the double-headed bat as symbol, and once ruled by a [[Sourcerer]] known as the Evil Emperor, who was, well, evil. Under the [[Evil Empire]], [[Orcs|all sorts of nasty things]] were created and used in war. As [[John Hicks]] puts it in {{UA}}, "you got what it said on the Iron Maiden".

Überwald describes a huge mountainous region of wintry climate. The ruling nobility of the land is composed of feudal [[werewolves|werewolf]] and [[vampires|vampire]] families. Lately, the [[dwarfs]] have also come into power. There are many [[trolls]] in the distant mountains, warring against the dwarfs, but in cities such as [[Bonk]], trolls are considered semi-sentient slaves. Humans are still mostly in the roles of "townspeople" or "exploited citizens". Most [[Igor|Igors]] come from Überwald, where they traditionally serve those on the far side of sanity, using the excellent local lightning for their experiments. Überwaldean is said to be a good cursing language.

The principal town in Überwald is [[Bonk]].

Major appearances of the region are in {{WA}}, {{CJ}}, {{T5E}}, and {{MR}}. Überwald is also often colloquially mentioned as the dark and mysterious place ruled and indeed overrun by the undead and bandits, standing in the middle of the continent, cutting off the traffic between the [[Sto Plains]] and [[Genua]].

The region is briefly visited by the [[Lancre]] witches in {{WA}}, where a local [[Vampires|vampire]] is defeated by a combination of [[Nanny Ogg]]'s garlic sausage, [[Magrat Garlick|Magrat]]'s insistence on sleeping with the window open, and [[Greebo]]'s irritation that a mouse with wings is trying to change shape on him.
In truth, Überwald also has many small towns with just your ordinary rural town people, not very mean, not very nice ({{TAMAHER}}, {{GP}}).

Überwald is also home to many of the older races such as [[Centaur]]s.

It is noted by [[Lord Vetinari]] that mapmakers often fill in blank areas of Überwaldean maps with the phrase 'MMBU,' or 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Überwald' In the same way Africa mapmakers used to mark their maps 'Miles and Miles of Bloody Africa'.

==Economy==
The area does not come across as particularly wealthy, and is thinly populated. The main source of income seems to be mining, both metals and fat. Recently the [[Grand Trunk]] has reached Bonk, connecting this part of the continent with the rest of the world.

==Cities, towns and locations==
* [[Bad Blintz]]
* Bad Heisses Bad
* [[Bad Schüschein]]
* [[Bonk]]
* [[Bugs]]
* [[Escrow]]
* [[Lipwig]]
* [[Schmaltzberg]]
* [[Don'tgonearthe Castle]]
* [[Müning]]
* [[Splinz]]
* [[Klotz]] - on the [[River Ah]]
* [[Glitz]]
* [[Slake]]
* [[Wilinus Pass]]

===Noble Families===

*[[Margolotta]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Dragoul von Salic|von Salic]] - Vampire Counts
*[[John Smith|von Vilinus]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Crazed Baron Haha|Haha]] - Human Barons
*[[Guye von Uberwald|von Uberwald]] - Werewolf Barons
*[[Bela de Magpyr|Magpyr]] - Vampire Counts
*[[Notfaroutoe]] - Vampire Counts (bloodline now extinct in Uberwald, last heir living in Ankh-Morpork)

==People==
Some of the better known people from Überwald:
*Delphine [[Angua von Überwald]]
*Lady [[Margolotta]]
*[[Serafine von Überwald|Baroness Serafine von Überwald]]
*[[Guye von Überwald|Baron Guye von Überwald]]
*[[Wolfgang von Überwald]]
*[[Sally von Humpeding]]
*[[Moist von Lipwig]]
*[[Rhys Rhysson]], [[Low King]] of the dwarfs
*Captain [[Tantony]] of the Bonk Watch
*Igor at the [[Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork]]
*Lots of other [[Igor]]s.
*Mr [[Nutt]]
*[[Otto Chriek]]
*[[Detritus]]
*[[Cheery Littlebottom]]

==Books Featuring Uberwald ==
*{{UA}}
*{{CJ}}
*{{TFE}}
*{{WA}}
*{{TAMAHER}}
*{{GP}}
*{{MR}}

==Annotation==
On [[Roundworld]] "Überwald" is the literal German translation of {{wp|Transylvania|Transylvania}} ("beyond [over] the forest"), where big part of the population is German-speaking, so the language of the inhabitants of Überwald has also German-like accent.

One of the most famous European empires was the Holy Roman Empire. The most famous royal house in it was the House of Habsburg, which used a double-headed eagle as its symbol and originated in eastern Europe. Of course, the Unholy Empire was more straightforward, being both an empire and unholy; the Holy Roman Empire by Voltaire's time was not holy, Roman, or an empire.

Pratchett himself confesses that this country is simply a collection of horror movie cliches especially those associated with the Hammer movies. As a result the fine lads and lasses over at [http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Uberwald TV Tropes] have decided to name the whole trope of a spooky European kingdom with haunted castles, vampires, werewolves and fearful peasants everywhere you look ''Uberwald'', in fact I can do no better than to shamelessly rip off their entry:

A generic sort of "eastern Europe" area. There are peasants everywhere, and spooky old towns. Castles in the mountains abound, where one may find vampires, mad scientists, or the curse of the werewolf. Half of the population is gypsies who are easily angered and have funny accents.

A late sixties' Hammer horror was called ''Theatre of Horror'', and used the idea of a travelling circus which carried among its number several vampire performers, who could perform, eat, then move on before they were noticed. Given that it may have used the doubly horrifying concept of a vampire clown, this makes the idea of Müning being the centre of Überwaldean clowning doubly more plausible and infinitely more scary.

In the 1931 film version of Stoker's ''Dracula'', Van Helsing refelects:- "According to van Helsing, the Count "must indeed have been that Voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk, over the great river on the very frontier of Turkey-land. If it be so, then was he no common man: for in that time, and for centuries after, he was spoken of as the cleverest and the most cunning, as well as the bravest of the sons of the '''''land beyond the forest'''''"

[[de:Überwald]]

[[Category:Discworld geography|Uberwald]]

Dragoul von Salic

2013-02-21T23:10:05Z

Dromandkass:

Count Dragoul von Salic is one of the notorious [[vampires|vampire]] of [[Uberwald]]. He is depicted in the [[Book:Discworld's Assassins' Guild Diary 2000|Assassins' Diary]] as dressed immaculate evening wear, complete with cape. He rather resembles the actor Christopher Lee in one of his many roles as Dracular. Count Salic is a vampire of the 'old school' and like the old count [[Bela de Magpyr]] has not renounced human blood.

He has been killed several times over the centuries, each time by a member of the Wiggs family, all of whom have been fully trained at the [[Assassins' Guild|Guild of Assassins]]. The count is currently on the 'active' list once more, and by common agreement the assassins will not take up the contract, having decided that it is only proper that [[Jocasta Wiggs]] be allowed to attempts it after she graduates.

[[category:Discworld characters|Salic, Dragou vonl]]
[[Category:Undead characters|Salic, Dragoul von]]